Winter Love (Book Two)

4 | I Caught a Sliver Of A Smile

SAMI'S POV

Honestly, love may very well be the most dangerous feeling I've ever felt in, because even after psyching myself that the voice in my head was indeed right in pushing me to stay away from Jesse, my heart is still hell bent on yearning for his touch, his presence. The simple truth is: I miss him so badly...

I miss his gorgeous green eyes. I miss his heartwarming smile. I miss his sweet words that can be a tad bit cheesy at times, but I'm not complaining, he's my boyfriend. Even after I'd worked as hard as I have over the last week to keep him at arms length - he still reaches out, even though I know he knows I'm keeping him away. But it's to protect myself, and to an extent, him to...

As soon as that cruel voice in the back of my head chirps in, I venture out of the dark place that my mind can turn into, choosing to focus on the blank piece of paper that lays before me, waiting for me to attach my pen and fill it with words for the creative writing section of my English examination, my chosen topic: I caught the glimmer of a smile...

Truly echoing what my life has become.

Just a couple of months ago, I'd found my happiness, and for that borrowed amount of time I felt like I was on top of the world; before it was rudely taken away from me, and I was brought back to a harsh reality. My insecurities came back tenfold, my long-forgotten anxiety made its unwelcome return - and not only was I back to square one, I was worse off than when I initially started...

"Mr. Moore?" our invigilator, Ms. Levesque calls out. "The coach would like to have a chat with you" she adds. I'm about to get off my seat to walk out of the exam centre, when the coach raises his hand:

"I don't intend to steal much off your time, I just need you to come see me for your long overdue project" he says warningly, "come to my office as soon as the school day ends."

And just like that, my plan to slip out of the exam room quickly gets vanquished as soon as the door shuts behind Coach Emerson, our Physical Education teacher, who had just inadvertently informed the gang I've been trying to ignore like the plague for the past couple of days, of my whereabouts after school; and the cunning smirk on Pete's face told me all I needed to know. He wasn't going to let this information go to waste.

Dread soon filled my entire body as I tried my best to dig deeper into the vocabulary bag of tricks. For the life of me, I couldn't bring myself to focus all my attention on the paper before me. The brutality that surely awaits me once said paper is done and dusted with had taken centre stage. I prayed for the seconds to tick by slower, delay the oncoming onslaught for as long as humans possible. However, in the universe's true and unforgiving nature, the two hours flashed by quickly - I refused to believe it when they announced that our time is up.

I can ask Jesse to come pick me up, a part of me tries to reason, but it was only a matter of time before that twisted voice stepped in with its two cents: but what if he's in on it. And now the idea of being ganged on by my classmates didn't seem as bad. I mean, getting cornered by guys who are all around twice my size is quite bad, but adding Jesse - who I love dearly, would completely destroy me. So I'm just gonna have to fight this battle on my own. Yeah, I can do it.

I rush out of the hall, speed walking to the coach's office that was separated from most of the classrooms in use. So as I marched down the hallway, engulfed in the silence of the nearby classrooms, I couldn't help the unease that seeps into my veins, engraving the fear of something terrible befalling me. And when I finally make it to the door, I sigh, knocking on the wood three times.

"Come in."

I do as instructed, walking into the office and settling on a seat opposite the coach's desk: "I believe you know why I've called you in here."

"Yes" I say, immediately bringing my school bag onto my thighs, intending on rummaging through it till I found the little slip I needed, but I had completely forgotten that I brought this here, Jesse's jacket. His strong and masculine scent had faded, but just like perfume on the clothing of a relative you're very fond, no matter how long that item remained unworn - a piece of them would always linger, exactly as this...

"Mr. Moore" the coach clears his throat, snapping me back to reality and out of the hypnotic state Jesse's jacket had me in.

"Sorry" I say, laying the jacket over my thighs, whilst continuing my desperate search for the nurse's green slip that delayed my participation in any kind of physical activity in the school, sliding it across the neat table into the coach's waiting hand:

"Mr. Moore? Another one of these?" he asks dejectedly, his patience clearly thinning after receiving the same excuse for the third time. Fear creeps up my spine as the big and burly man tightens his jaw, his lip twitching in anger ever so lightly - living up to the intense reputation he's built for himself with the school's baseball team as a middle-aged man with anger issues, and zero tolerance for any kind of slacking. "Well, the ball is out of my court now - you're clearly not interested in passing P.E this year" he says, sliding the slip back to me.

"Okay" I say simply, but judging from the murderous look in his eyes - that was surely the wrong thing to say.

"Okay? Okay?" he questions in disbelief. "That's the best you can do? You're not going to try to at least save yourself from getting a zero; everything is just A-okay with you? Where's your passion Moore? Your will?"

"I must apologise for my lack of passion, but I just can't do this..."

"Is that an excuse I hear?" The condescending tone of his voice tips me over the edge and forces me to do the one thing I've worked so hard to try not to do, let more people know about my issues:

And instead of verbalising my complaints, I drop my belongings on the chair as I stand up, pulling up the heavy layers of clothing to expose my abused abdomen, fading bruises and healing scars: "These are my excuses" I say, dripping sarcasm. "Not only does it hurt to walk, but it hurts to even breathe, and the cold doesn't make this any better" I point to my injuries. I can't believe it's been close to two weeks since I was properly cornered, yet I still look like this...

I focus my gaze on the teacher before me, his eyes not as intense as they were thirty seconds prior as he stares at the blues and purples that stood out against my pale skin: "I'll have to see what I can do about this" he says simply, "but for now, I'm sorry to have been a bother to you Mr. Moore. You can go."

I fix my clothes, taking my backpack and jacket without a second glance back, ready to step out of that office forever, but his deep voice stops me as soon as my hand clasps the cold door handle: "Mr. Moore, it'd be unwise of me to not implore you to pay a visit to Ms. Sharon - the school counsellor to talk about this." And this right here, is casing point as to why a bigger part of me fought to not include Jesse in all of this because the moment one person knows about something, it's only a matter of time till the whole world knows about it.

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