Winter Love (Book Two)

7 | My Lover's Mother

JESSE'S POV

Everything is just falling apart.

All of the little aspects of what have made my life worthwhile are just falling apart, making me question the relevance of all this.

This endless cycle of pain because each and everyday you're forced to wake up to the same screwed up reality where nothing ever changes for the better; but the universe, in its own twisted way, just finds a way to hit you harder, make thing even more worse, driving you closer and closer to the edge of insanity. Leaving me with one persistent question: What's the meaning of all this? Yes, I can confirm that it's not killing me, but it surely isn't making me any stronger - because my world's been turned upside down, farther than I could ever handle.

On the one hand, I've been ignoring my mother and Zoe like the plague as they scurried around the house, trying to make the house perfect for that criminal once again. They've cleaned the house inside and out, emptied out his 'Man shed', A.K.A. the garage. They've even gone as far as reviving his mother's old recipe book to make him feel at home once again, resulting in my body warning me that if I roll my eyes at them again, they'd probably get stuck in the back of my head, which thinking about it, doesn't sound like that bad of an idea as it would spare me having to see this.

But as much as their hustle and bustle ticked me off, the lack of said hustle and bustle in my romantic relationship - stirred a completely different emotion in me. A deep, guttural sadness I've never felt before because everything just doesn't make sense. Things changed, and you guessed it - not for the better. The hours I waste away trying to decipher why things changed so badly; yet the only decent reason I can come up with is that, perhaps the distance got a little too hard for Sami to handle. Maybe he realised he couldn't wait months and months for the affection I know he needed, because I needed it too. Maybe the calls and endless text messages just weren't enough...but that doesn't justify downright ghosting, does it?

All of this just feels a little bit too hectic considering that all of these blows are just coming from different directions. Family, boyfriend, and even friendships. The only person I could openly speak to about all this, that would genuinely understand and not judge any of my decisions is Colby, who's yet to return from uni, and for some reason - hasn't responded to any of my calls or text messages...

I sigh as Zoe passes by with a box of her father's old shirts, rushing down the hall to certainly shove them back where I had taken them out four years prior. Gosh, I need someone to talk to.

And despite my fears, that showing up at his doorstep might just provide the perfect opportunity for him to end this, I still force myself off the couch, swiping my keys from the table by the front door, before walking out into the cold, snowy night; the frigid temperature just a mere reflection of what has become of my heart lately. I slide into the driver's seat, a deep pang hitting me as I look at the passenger side that reminds me so much of him. Which becomes my last rational thought before the vehicle comes to life, heading into what could confirm my worst nightmares, or affirm me that he still feel at least some affection for me.

And even in the midst of the strong possibility of this being the end of my relationship, a little voice in the back of my mind still argues that at least: I'll have my answer, good or bad, I'll certainly know where I stand.

*****

Considering the visible tyre prints on the snow, it took no mastermind to conclude that Ms. Moore had just arrived back home, which made this ordeal that much more terrifying.

Clearly, Sami's thing with Zoe didn't bode very well with his mom, and the last thing I need is for her to witness another possible fallout of her son's relationship. Seeing just how well I get along with her, it'd be an absolute nightmare for me to shut this door, possibly for good, if things don't go my way. But even with a pounding heart, the fear that bit away at me - beckoning me to turn back, arguing that I was better off in the dark, I still trudged forward.

The fear refused to lessen as I neared the door, and as soon as my knuckles connected with the front door, the violent beat of my heart became so loud that I felt like I could hear it in my ears.

Beat! Beat! Beat!

And that exact pattern had rendered me deaf to all the outside noise besides the unforgiving drumming of my heart...

But as the door swings open, revealing a tired looking Ms. Moore who still spots her work clothes, some of the anxiety immediately dissipates, because that kind smile broke through her exhausted features:

"Oh Jesse!" she beams, pulling me into a warm hug, "I didn't know you were back."

I force a smile onto my face at her words, the fear that had threatened to cripple me just a few moments ago - completely dissolved; but the sadness only intensified, as the possibility of my relationship coming to an untimely demise slowly began to feel: inevitable. An unfortunate end that I could not ignore. Because why else would he not tell his mother that I've been back? "Yeah, I've actually been back for some time now" I settle, an odd look flashing in her eyes.

But in the blink of an eye, it was gone, just as quickly as it had appeared. "Well, you can come in for some tea, I was planning on making some for Sami anyways."

I walk into tho warm house as soon as she steps out of the way, shrugging my coat and boots off: "Is...is he okay?"

She sighs softly, her eyes downcast: "He says he thinks he has Covid...but," she sighs once again, pausing momentarily, as if contemplating whether or not to tell me what's truly bothering her. "...I can tell that something's wrong" she settles on saying. "He's distant. He's here, in this house, physically at least, but his mind is elsewhere, and I can't exactly guarantee if it's in a good place."

"What does that mean?"

"Actually" she starts, her expression turning a little serious, "I thought you'd explain because I thought something happened between you two, that's why he doesn't talk as often about you like he did before. I thought you guys had maybe broken up, and I was scared to bring it up because I know just how sensitive he is" she adds, taking a seat on the chair by the kitchen island. "I know how hard his dad's rejection affected him, which is where I think all of his emotional scars stem. It's all because of that...moron, and then his friend..." she sighs painfully, "my poor baby."

Memories flash in my head, images of Sami beaming widely settling comfortably in my mind's eye, reminding me that even in his seemingly - happier moments, the ghosts of his past were still very much present behind those bright eyes. The pain that'd drag him down was visible whenever you stared intently into his eyes, but not even once did I ever think that such pain could be the result of the actions of a parent. A biological parent that is.

"It's really sad how the people who are meant to protect us could potentially be the ones inflicting the harm."

She looks at me, her gaze softening slightly: "I take it that my son isn't the only one with some intense family trauma?"

"No" I laugh bitterly, taking a seat right next to her, "my step dad's coming back in a few days time from prison, he was in for domestic violence. Now he's coming back because somehow my step-sister convinced my mother to drop the charges which I don't understand because he was already sentenced, but apparently that's possible, and now he's going to walk away, scot free, like nothing ever happened."

"Why would your step-sister even do something like that?" she ponders exasperatedly.

"It's her dad I guess."

"But even if that's the case, women should sympathise with other women, because we're always targets of some form of victimisation. We're supposed to protect one another, from bullies and abusers alike, and for your step-sister to do that..." she shakes her head "...that's a bitchy move."

I couldn't help but let a light cackle escape out of my lips, truly wondering if she knows just who that step-sister is, but I settle on keeping my mouth shut and having some tea with Rebecca.