Waiting For You [ Gojo satoru x Male! Reader]

Chapter 22

Falling

Do you ever have that feeling when you are certain that something is right but at the same time you believe the opposite because it feels too good to be true?

The past few days,I have been sharing my time with Satoru, it turns out that he had asked Shoko where I went and luckily he caught the last train. Either way, it has been fun. We spend the days talking, laughing and spend some time on the beach. When night comes, we would eat dinner and cuddle. The nights are usually so cold that it still feel cold even when the heat coming from our bodies combine.
"Are you feeling cold (m/n)?"
"A little what about you?"
"I will not if you come a little closer?"

I move closer to him and he wrap his arms around my waist, tighter than before. I shudder as it was making me feel nervous for no reason. To be fair, I always have been nervous around him for no reason. It's like I could never predict his next move. One time he would make me so happy and the other time so sad that I questioned my existence. His breath was warm against my clothes and I could not help but feel relieved. Relieved that he was there to help me get through a lonely winter, the one where I initially plan to spend even though I knew what the consequences were. My heart was racing like crazy when he moves his hands underneath my shirt and cups my breast.

"What are you doing Satoru?"
Silence. But he did not stop playing with it. I gesture him to stop and he did not proceed any further, instead he frowns and kiss my neck. It was really hard to ignore the desire inside of me but knowing Satoru I know the consequences all too well.

"(m/n) remember your 18th birthday? The night we.. you know."
I blush and punch his stomach.
"No, I don't. what are you even talking about?"
"I could've sworn you were begging for me to keep going"
"You know what? You knew I was in love with you and you chose to bang me. All that for you to tell me you never had any feelings for me? So please don't bring that up again."

He was so insensitive about such things. I don't want to remember anything about that night. I was so hopeful but he broke my heart into a million pieces. I forgave him because I thought he cared for me all along but he proved me wrong so many times but I forgave him because I love him so much. There was no denying it, he made me crazy, crazy, crazy that it aches my heart. I hurt when I have to say no.I hurt when he's with another woman. But all that I can do is to watch in silence, silently hurting. But I know that deep down, this was just meant to be. Obviously, I can't give him a child, the child that he will need in order to keep his clan alive. Even if he does choose me as his partner, he will constantly need to spend time with his mistress. The thought made me shatter into a million thousand pieces. If only I was the other gender then maybe it can work out. Then maybe we will leave Tokyo, or even Japan, buy a little house on the countryside and we'll build a little family. He would come home from work, I will look after our kids, eat dinner together, laugh, and sleep on the same bed in a different way, not like the way we were doing it now. But even then, it may not work out. There are so many possibilities that I cannot be sure that we will end up together.

"I never really give a thought about it back then, you know. I was in the worst time of my life and knowing that you liked me, I was playing with your feelings even though you were one of my best friends. I'm sorry about that. Then, came your birthday. I thought I was playing with you (m/n) but that was what I thought had happened. The day you asked me if I liked you, I was so scared because I have never
felt the urge to say "I love you". I really wanted to (m/n). I want to say I love you since I laid my eyes on you. You made me feel special, you made me view this cruel world through rose coloured glasses, you made me think that life's actually worth living but I was afraid that people would look down on me so the word vomits from my mouth. I never mean a word that I said that day. When I realised that I love you, it was already too late. You left. Ever since then, I slept with countless people in order to feel like I did when I was with you but I cannot feel it. (m/n) I know that it's kind of late, but let's go back to that day. I'm 19 years old and I admit that I like you more than you could have imagined. Do you still like me?"

I was out of words. It feels so surreal, it feels like I'am in one of those dreams where you were so happy that you forgot everything about it the next morning. I was so happy that I forgot how to smile, how to feel anything at all. He was pinning me to the bed, staring at me for a response. His eyes were in my favourite shade of blue,  his breath was warm in the midst of the cold night and he seemed nervous even though it's a foreign thing for him to do. In all honesty, I would lie if I said that I never expect this moment to happen. In fact, I have imagined it so many times. However, I could not think of anything to say. Him wanting me tonight seems almost impossible, but it's coming slowly together, making no sound but his voice saying I love you is all over the place.

"What if I said yes?"

"(m/n) I think I'm falling harder in love with you"

I pull him down closer to me and kiss him. After all, he was not the only one falling harder in love.

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merry Christmas you guys! the chapter's short but i thought it was better than nothing. my mental health is not in a healthy condition because of the guy that i told you. so im ranting my feelings again.
i ignore him for a long time that we stopped talking completely. everything he sees me, his eyes look like it was pleading me to talk to him. after many encounters, i talk to him. he completely acts like i was not talking to him and he went away. i was so hurt and devastated. although i know i started it first, i always reply his questions briefly. i really don't know what i was expecting. two weeks prior we went to some festival . i was feeling very off for no reason, then i spot him with a girl, they were holding hands and i wanted to cry , i was jealous. but i guess that's the life of a closet wattpad writer.

Thank you for your endless support.