Pain Of Love (Y/N x Tom Kaulitz)

Six Minutes. (34)

Y/N POV:

"B-Bill, Bill I found him!"
I choked out in between sobs as I shouted over the phone, desperately shaking Tom trying to wake him up.

"Y/N, what's happening?!"
He said worried and panicked, I wanted to speak but no words would come out. Only tears,

"He overdosed!"
I managed to make out, I heard him gasp over the phone. I hung up and instantly called (xxx).

"(XXX), what's your emergency?"
The operator asked calmly, which frustrated me even more.

"M-My friend, he overdosed! I don't know if he's alive!"
I cried out, my brain hasn't fully processed this. The fact he might be dead, just the thought was enough to make me tear up. Let alone, seeing him in this state.

I heard as the operator sent people out, I chucked my phone on the bed somewhere and hugged Tom as hard as I could. I sobbed on his chest, trying to figure out if he was breathing or not.

"Tom please, please wake up. You can't leave me like this, you just can't!"
It broke me, the fact that if he's dead, the last words he heard from me was to leave me alone. It stung, the feeling was all familiar. Just like when I lost my sister, but her death wasn't in her control. The fact that he took all these pills on purpose, it felt like pieces of my heart were shattering as each minute went past.

The first minute, I was impatient. Desperately trying to wake him up, trying to see any sign of life from him.

The second minute, I was sobbing hysterically. Thinking of every fun memory we had together, thinking of how safe and protected I used to feel in his arm. Before all the other stuff happened.

The third minute, I was angry. Angry tears flowed down my face. It was so selfish of him to do this, knowing damn well how it'd impact others. Especially his twin brother, his other half. He couldn't have possibly thought his actions wouldn't impact others?

The fourth minute, I laid quietly. Sniffling here and there, trying to have my possibly last moments with him. Tears poured out, but I was silent. The operator still speaking over the phone, but I wasn't listening. All I knew is people were on their way, and I had to wait. Bill and Aleyna were blowing up my phone, but I didn't have the energy to reply back right now.

The fifth minute, I looked back at him. How peaceful he looked but there was so many small details about him others wouldn't notice. I noticed his tear stain mark next to his eye, the small line when you cry too much. I noticed how he smelt of alcohol and cigarettes. I noticed how his lips were dry and cracked. But but of all of them, I noticed how beautiful he really was.

The sixth minute, I heard loud knocks at the door. Before a whole medical team entered the room, they pushed me over to the side and inspected every part of the scene. The pills, the alcohol bottles he was drinking, the about 4 packs of empty cigarette packets around the room. I watched as they carefully inspected his breathing, I observed nervously.

"Is... he alive?"
I spoke quietly, my voice just above a whisper. A few more seconds passed, my anxiety was going through the roof.

"He's alive, poor condition. He needs to be admitted to the hospital immediately."
The man said to the medical team, he was picked up and carried out to the ambulance car.

"Please, I need to come with him. I need him!"
I cried out to the team, I was granted permission and sat in the back with Tom after I grabbed my phone. I finally looked back at my phone and saw a hundred missed calls and texts.

Bill: Y/N, ANSWER THE PHONE!!
Bill: IS HE BREATHING??!
Bill: I can't lose him Y/N, he's my other half!!
Bill: Did you call the ambulance??!!!!
Bill: How's he doing?!!
Bill: ANSWER, Y/N!!
Y/N: I'm sorry! I called the ambulance, we're on the way to the hospital. He's breathing, thank god!
Bill: Y/N, you scared the shit out of me! I'm on my way right now.

I looked out the small window in the back of the ambulance, we were nearing the hospital now. I took shaky, deep breaths. I needed to be strong.

A woman part of the medical team came and sat next to me.

"Are you doing okay? Are you his girlfriend, or something?"
She asked curiously, looking genuinely concerned for me.

"I-I'm okay."
I lied through my teeth,

"We're uh, working it out I guess... I don't understand why he would even do this."
I sighed and looked down to my lap, i'm honestly just glad he's alive.

"Yeah, I get it. But seriously, are you okay?"
I had a feeling she didn't believe my answer, I stared into her emerald green eyes, she was quite pretty.

"I'm .. not. It just breaks my heart to think he would do this and not think anyone would care."
At this point, I began to tear up again. Just before she was about to speak again, the back door opened and Tom was taken out.

"I'm sorry, I have to leave now. I promise i'll come check in with you later."
She gives me a small smile before walking back off to help wheel him out of the emergency stretcher bed out of the big car.

The small act of kindness that woman showed me gave me a bit of hope. Hope that maybe everything will turn out okay.

I was lead over to the waiting room, I sat anxiously. Bouncing my leg up and down, listening to the various noises of the hospital machines. I bit my lip and tried not to tear up of guilt. I can't believe he could have died and the last words I said to him were to leave me alone. I wouldn't be able to live with myself after that. The guilt and shame would overwhelm me.

I know he loves me. I know he loves me to death and I know he regrets what he did. I forgive him for what happened in the alley. But I won't forget it.

Suddenly, Bill and Aleyna burst through the door and came over to me.

"Where the fuck is he? I need to see him!"
Bill yelled out in hysteric, his eyes red and puffy from the crying and stress.

"Bill, we can't see him right now. It'll be about a few hours until then."
I spoke to him, I had to be calm in front of them both. I couldn't let them see how I really felt about this all. I wanted to break down right then and there, burst through the hospital room just to see his face again, but I couldn't.

"I don't give a fuck! I need to see him!"
He shouted, he was desperate. I pointed to the room he was in and Bill stormed into the place, having to be escorted back to the waiting room as I watched all this go down.

"It'll be okay, Bill. We'll figure this all out."
Aleyna tried to comfort him, he sat nervously. Looking up to the roof, I could tell he was hesitating tears.

3 hours later

I was getting dizzy and tired. The irritating hospital machines beeping, the bright light of my phone screen being the only thing distracting me, the quiet sniffles of Bill occasionally, the anxious waiting. It was all too much to handle, but I wasn't going to leave this wretched place without finding out what happened to Tom. Whether they were able to save him in time, before the pills could officially kill him.

The thought of me being just a few minutes late. If I could have found him any earlier, he wouldn't be dead. In the scenario if he were to pass, it made me sick just thinking about it. The image of him on that bed, pills scattered all around him and the scent of alcohol radiating off him. It all stuck to me. I hoped and prayed everything would turn out okay. That he would be okay and more importantly, alive.

Finally, the doctor came out of the room with a small little checklist in his hand.

"Visitors for.. Tom Kaulitz?"
We all looked at each other and rushed over. It seemed like every second dragged longer and longer as we waited for him to talk again.

"Is he alive?! Is he okay?!"
I shouted anxiously, sweat beads dripped down my forehead. The doctor opened his mouth to talk again.

"I'm so sorry..."

thoughts? —>
is he dead or alive? Read next chapter to find out!