More Than a Teacher - Ashton Irwin

69

His presence is already gone again and the hole in my heart gaping back open as a piece of me instantly feels missing.

I wish I had stayed awake longer yesterday to absorb all the words he was speaking and appreciate him being by my side. Now merely twenty four hours since I've been reunited with the one I love, the room is cold and quiet and the faint sound of his breathing is completely absent.

It's a sort of emptiness, one I feel stupid for feeling considering he's only minutes down the road at the apartment picking up some clothes and other necessities for me. It's insane how one person can affect the whole mood of a room. He's been gone no longer than fifteen minutes but with each tick of the clock thumping slowly in comparison to my heart beat, anxiety goes rogue in my body. Uneasiness settles in the pit of my stomach, but I know in the back of my mind that nothing is going to happen and that Ashton is going to be completely fine.

But then the other not so sane part of my brain kicks in with invading thoughts.

What if he gets into an accident on his way back?

What if that was the last time I see him?

What if that kiss he gave me before he left was the last one pressed to my lips?

Rational is something I've always battled to be.
I've never been very rational but now it's only being taken to new extremities with the added trauma. These loud and worrying thoughts are something I'm going to struggle with for a little while. At least until I'm able to sink in the fact he's alive and healthy and not going anywhere.

There's still a fresh state of shock coursing my veins after believing I'd never get to breathe the same air as him ever again. Time will heal me and as Ashton said, we will take it one step at a time. On another note, last night's rest was much needed. The way our bodies naturally molded together and just his presence alone had me sleep through the entirety of the night. I had fallen back into my sleepless habits the last month and so I've desperately missed the feeling of waking up refreshed.

I pull my white woven hospital blanket further up my chest as I lie gazing up at the ceiling. I haven't moved since Ashton rolled out from underneath, quietly whispering he was making a trip home. I had gripped onto his wrists, still half asleep and not wanting him to leave. I think he took the opportunity because if I was completely aware and awake, I would have never let him leave my side.

In the meantime while I impatiently awaited Ashton returning, I had a nurse come in and check on me for the morning, rolling up the blind over the window to allow the natural light to fill the room. She must have told Kat that I was awake because only minutes later she was knocking on my door.

I sit up, controlling the bed and maneuvering it to sit me up.

"Hiya." She shines me a smile as she enters my room, instantly filling it with her positivity.

"Hi." I can't help but crack a small smirk.

A smile is truly contagious.

"You seem a little brighter today." She drags the chair closer to my bed.

She plonks down with one leg lifting comfortably to rest over the other.

"It was the visitor wasn't it? I told you a visitor would do you good. Harry was it?" She clarifies and I realize that there's some things I haven't told her about.

Both about Harry and the fact I was actually visited by my boyfriend which she doesn't know about. I feel comfortable opening up to Kat now. She's grown on me a lot and established this friendship rather than a psychologist to patient relationship. I don't trust easily but Kat has a nurturing and almost older sister or motherly energy about her. There's something about it that has made me open up fairly quickly.