More Than a Teacher - Ashton Irwin

75

And just like that, the door closes and I'm without him once again.

This is a little unsettling for me. The last time he left me he didn't come back for a month and then I thought he was dead. So you can understand where my anxiety is coming from.

He won't leave me again, I know that. It's just the what ifs. What if something happens to me? What if something happens to him? All this paranoia is still fucking with me because of the years of torment I've been though.

I know Skye is here with me. She's a strong girl who's been through something similar and is a psychology student. I'm in the best hands, but even now i'm still not completely at ease. I don't know if I will ever be at ease without him.

I can't stop Ashton from getting the help he needs. I don't want to stop him from getting the help he needs. He generally keeps to himself about how he's feeling all for my sake. All to be strong for me. I've now learnt that's not actually healthy and that he's been through just as much shit as what I have. It's only right he gets some help. He deserves it.

"You're going to be fine, yeah? I want you to know I've been studying this shit for a year now. I know how the brain works," Skye slings an arm over my shoulder as I stand staring at the closed door that Ashton had just walked out of. "I think it's important you're doing this already. Taking the leap now rather than waiting until you literally cannot separate from each other. You're doing the right thing."

I nod, agreeing. I said the same thing to Ashton last night.

"Can we do something? Like while he's gone." I really feel like I need to keep myself somewhat busy.

So I don't have the chance to spiral into irrational thoughts.

"I do need to get a few things from the shops. We could go do that if you feel comfortable." She suggests.

Anything suits me right now.

So I get dressed, put on my usual light makeup not worrying about the hickey on my neck because that got covered the moment I woke up. I don't particularly like the idea of people knowing about mine and Ashton's sex life. Especially his sister.

Although Skye had her drivers license we didn't have a car at hand. Ashton has his and Calum's was still parked in the school car park and his keys are with him. So our only option was to get the bus.

I haven't caught the bus in months. It used to be my only method of transport, catching the bus multiple times a day. Now, Ashton drives us both around but I hope someday soon I will be able to learn to drive myself.

We leave the apartment and take a short walk in the warm sun to the nearest bus stop. We get on the one that goes by the shopping center, both sitting together in the same seat.

"God this is so funny, I feel like I'm back in high school." Skye chuckles.

"Ash wouldn't drop you off?" I question, finding that quite interesting considering he drives me
everywhere.

"Nah, I'd rather catch the bus with my friends."

Well that makes more sense. Ashton probably offered every morning.

The bus ride is short and we arrive no longer than ten minutes later. It's a little daunting coming here and being surrounded by so many people. I did it with Ash only two days ago when we first got home, but it's still a challenge to feel completely at ease.

Skye leads us off the bus and through the car park. Her dark blonde hair effortlessly flows in the breeze as she strides ahead of me. She's in simple black spaghetti strap stress that hugs her body in all the right places and falls to her shins.
It's paired with white Nike sneakers, a little black shoulder bag and matching sunglasses. It's casual but so classy.