Jax angst (The Amazing Digital Circus)

Chapter 14

And I finally noticed it when I had started dragging the blade across my skin

I winced at first, I haven't felt a pain like this before, or at least that I can remember. I could see the crimson blood creeping out of the line I did.

It freaked me out, to know that I'm capable of harming something, or more importantly myself. I thought your brain was supposed to stop you from doing that?

I washed the razor and put it back in the medicine cabinet, already regretting my decisions. My arm was stinging. But then again, maybe I do deserve it? All I do is hurt the others at the circus. Hell my own father told my to kill myself

No I can't listen to him, if I'm ever going to figure out the mystery that is my past, I have to live. I have to survive, and maybe even find an exit. Do what kaufmo couldn't

I washed the cut I had made, it wasn't deep by any means but I didn't want it to get infected, it could scar if that happens. So I ran my arm over cold water and soap, it stung a little but it wasn't that bad

After I had cleaned up in the bathroom I decided it might be time to go back to the circus- or at least try

So I climbed in bed and closed my eyes

And before I opened my eyes again I could hear the whimsical music. I opened my eyes grateful to be back at the circus finally

I feel like it's been ages since I'd last been here, who would've thought I'd prefer it over the real world

Then it hit me, no one was in my room. No one came to look for me like last time. For all I know I could've been gone for weeks, and no one came to look

I guess they really don't care. I thought to myself as I got out of my bed, but I realized my arm stung slightly. I examined it and I had a cut.

A cut on my digital body. I didn't think that anything done in my dreams could happen in this realm.

There's no way this is possible, I mean it's like an avatar, this should not be able to happen. Then again, I guess if I had any bruises from being thrown around, they'd be hard to see since the purple color? Or maybe they just didn't show up? Maybe it's just cuts that would show?

Fuck trying to make sense of this, how am I meant to hide this from the others! It's not like I own a jacket that'd hide it, they'd all see it pretty fast too, I mean it's the only imperfection on my completely rubber skin

Maybe I just never leave my room? Stay holed up in here forever? WAIT will this ever heal?? I mean it should right? That's just how these things work, what if it doesn't heal? What if it's like this forever? God I'm so fucked why am I an idiot

Guess I'm just staying in my room then, although, I am pretty hungry. Ehhhh I can probably hold out for a few days and see if this'll heal, I wonder if it'll bleed if I pick at it? No I probably shouldn't attempt

Wow it's really boring in here, going back to sleep isn't an option, I don't want to go back there. Unless there's some way I can sleep without going into my memories? I haven't really tried anything to avoid it yet

I probably just shouldn't sleep if I want to avoid going there

But it's so damn boring here, sleeping would pass the time WAY faster

Guess I changed my own mind cus next thing I know I'm laying down attempting to close my eyes, all whilst thinking of NOT going to my memories, instead focusing on the eternal black I usually see when I sleep

Then I felt myself going in and out of conscious, on the verge of falling asleep, when finally I fell asleep

GUYS I AM SO SORRY IT TOOK ME FOREVER TO GET THIS CHAPTER OUT, not that it's any Exscuse butTtTtTtT once I finished  AoT I got SUPER into Bungo stray dogs, and I had to watch every last second of that before I could finish writing this, and once I finally finished BSD, it was Christmas🤠 so yeaaaa, merry late Christmas everyone, I hope you enjoyed this short chapter, and next when will be out WHENEVER CUS APPARENTLY I CANT STICK TO A SCHEDULE