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"Before I turn the camera on, you sure you're comfortable being on camera?" Reed looked at me from behind the camera causing me to nod my head.
We were currently in Reed's studio room, which was filled with crystals, plants, and earth tones. It was full of serene and comforting energy.
"Hey y'all, it's been a minute hasn't it?" Reed spoke into his microphone looking into the camera."I've been very very busy but today I am joined by one of my friends Ermias."
"Hey y'all." I waved, causing myself and Reed to chuckle.
"Ermias, why don't you introduce yourself?" Reed spoke once our chuckling stopped.
"Hi, my name is Ermias. I am also one of the newly appointed co-owners of It's Okay, which is one of the most popular all African American counseling services." I spoke smiling.
"Before we get into anything Ermias, I firstly want to say I'm so proud of you and you deserve it and everything else that is to come. Secondly, how are you?" Reed crossed his legs, settling into his chair.
"Thank you so much, I appreciate that. I'm okay but I'm honestly exhausted. I feel as though I have a lot going on in life right now and I'm trying to figure everything out. Everyday I feel like I'm fighting an uphill battle that I'm gonna continue fighting but that doesn't mean it isn't tiring you know? I feel the need to save face and be strong all the time and I generally feel I don't have time to grieve." I sighed, feeling a relief of weight off of my chest.
"Mmm, you wanna talk more about that? I can physically tell that you've been holding that in for a long time." Reed spoke, face full of empathy and concern.
"Yeah, I can but let this be a trigger warning. I just turned 25 and I am still haunted by my trauma. It's gotten better but I still have days where I remember the physical and sexual abuse as if it was yesterday. I still deal with the feeling of being damaged goods as well as feelings of abandonment from my family. For those who don't know I went through the foster care system. I also have been recently dealing with imposter syndrome with my job. I felt like a nuisance as a child and I fear asking for help because I fear the people closest to me leaving. I also grieve so much, I grieve not having family, I grieve my innocence, and I grieve the person I used to be before the trauma." Before I knew it, I started to slightly tear up. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to get emotional."
"Baby, you don't have to apologize for getting emotional." Reed soon passed me a tissue. "You're getting emotional because you're finally feeling and allowing yourself to feel all of your grievances. I have also been through abuse so I definitely understand the things that come after the trauma is over, see it doesn't happen when the trauma is happening but it occurs once the trauma is over because you're forced to really reflect on what has happened to you. I also want you to look at how far you've come from all of your hardships. When we all look at you we don't see damaged goods or someone who doesn't deserve the great things they receive, we see a kind, loving, strong, successful, and inspiring person. In order to fully heal, we have to allow ourselves to grieve and ask for help when we need it. We also have to release, you've suffered in silence for far too long. As an adult, I also realized how to care for my inner child and build a relationship with him, which is a part of healing those childhood traumas and grievances." Reed spoke in a comforting tone.
"Healing is not easy at all, I myself am still actively improving on my journey. Healing also does not have to be done alone. You have a family that blood couldn't make any closer and that man over there loves you to pieces, who will go to the ends of the earth and be there for you...you just have to allow him and the rest of us to be there for you because you can't get rid of us. You don't have to deal with your troubles alone anymore." Reed spoke lightheartedly, causing me to laugh, lightening the mood of the atmosphere.
Before long, we had held an hour and some minutes long fruitful and healing conversation. I personally feel that me and him both needed to have this conversation and really see ourselves through the eyes of others. The older you get, you have to give yourself credit whether for the big or small victories.
"Is it anything you would like to say to the listeners and viewers before we end the episode?" Reed questioned.
"Yeah, I just want to say to those who are in their twenties or approaching their twenties, you don't need to find yourself. You're not lost, instead you need to remember yourself, remember the person you were before the world got to you. That's where all of your power lies." I smiled over at Reed, eventually turning my attention to the camera.
•🃏•
"Hey baby, I apologize if I ever made you feel like you couldn't come to me." Nile whispered sincerely as we sat in Reed's living room along with the rest of our friends.
"No, no baby that's not on you. If anything I want to apologize for not allowing you to fully be present for me, how can anyone be there for you if you don't allow them to? I also have to get comfortable and trust that all of y'all are here for me without feeling like a bother. It's my fault for having that wall up, especially being that y'all have never given me a reason to have one up." I pulled his face towards mine, causing our lips to meet passionately.
Our passionate moment was soon cut short by the sound of Nile's phone ringing, revealing Kasaan's name.
"I gotta step out and take this y'all." Nile got up intending to go out to the backyard, before I grabbed his hand.
"I'm coming with you." I got up, shortly joining him out back.
"Wassup?" Nile put the phone on speaker, so I could also be privy to the information that'll be possibly shared.
"I'm a man of my word so I was calling you so we can talk about everything. I'm about to send you this address." He then paused. "How fast you think y'all can be here?"
We'll be there in ten minutes." Nile hung up before Kaasan could respond.
Soon after telling our friend's that we'd be back, we got in the car and began heading to what I can only assume is Kasaan's house. It was precisely eight minutes away from Reed's house so we made it exactly in ten minutes.
"Before we go in, how you feeling?" I asked Nile sincerely as he parked across from the house.
"Imma be honest, I'm nervous but I'm ready to find out the truth about everything. You being here takes the edge away though...thank you." Nile's hand held mine.
"Of course, I meant what I said about figuring it out together." I spoke before giving him a quick peck before we exited the car.
Before Nile could even answer the door, we were met with Kaasan's tall muscled frame.
"Come on in."
A/N: I've missed y'all so much.
Fall semester has been trying but y'all and this book have kept me going more than you know.
Things are about to start heating up, I wanted to give y'all a taste something without giving too much away all at once.
I love y'all and I'm wishing everyone a peaceful and safe holiday season.
