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"This shit just really a lot.." I said, rubbing my hands down my face.
Me and my friends were currently getting drinks and just having a 'coming to Jesus' moment.
"I understand trust but where are you gonna go from here?" Reed asked before sipping his drink.
"That's the problem," I said, shrugging. "I don't even know where to start."
"Well, there's this app I tried a couple years ago when I had trouble balancing work and personal life causing mental chaos. It's basically this forum for us by us which promotes community amongst psychologists and therapists." Casey suggested. "I also recommended it to Ermias and some of our other coworkers. You never know who may need someone to talk to and it's also anonymous which creates that sense of privacy and a safe space."
"I'll definitely look into it. Matter of fact, text the information to me." I stated.
"You know what I notice you do?" Reed spoke up. "You feel the need to be strong for everybody else except yourself. You suffer in silence, when you don't have to. I'm aware your mother made you feel that crying or showing emotion is weak but it's not. There's power in vulnerability Nile. Your insecurities may also cause you to over compensate too, specifically to people who don't deserve it. No one can validate you but you."
"You ain't have to chew me out like that though." I said, causing everyone to laugh.
"He is right though bro." Trent nodded agreeingly.
"Enough about me though. What's goin on with y'all ?" I attempted to change the subject.
"Nahhhh, nahh don't do that." Trent said, waving the question off while Reed and Casey side-eyed me.
"Do what?" I asked.
"You know what....stop attempting to change the subject when we get to talking about your feelings and voicing our concern for you." Reed said. "Your feelings are just as valid."
This man wanna be such a mother.
"Ight..ight you got it." I said waving him off.
"But to answer your question, nothing much. I have so many things to focus on but it's nothing I can't handle." Reed shrugged.
"I'm doing really good forreal, business is booming and I got a new lady in my life." Trent smiled. "I think she the one, y'all. I never felt like this which is scary as fuck and I'm trying not to self sabotage because she's genuine as hell and she deserves nothing but the best from me as a man."
"I'm happy for you dawg! Treat her right, you deserve happiness so don't cut yourself short by sabotaging." I said, patting his shoulder.
I should take my own advice, I give some bomb ass advice...but never have the answers for myself.
"What about you Case? You always so quiet." I asked, prompting Casey to share.
"Honestly, I'm the happiest I can be. I feel like I've finally found peace and I'm unstoppable." Casey smiled. "And to me always being so quiet now...it's where I find my peace. I don't have to overthink or plan what I'll say."
"I get that and I'm happy you're happy forreal. I know it took you some time to get here but you've found it." I smiled.
"Is Kai crazy ass still calling you?" Reed asked, looking at my phone.
Kai is my ex who I happened to be involved with for about a year give or take. The relationship was toxic the whole time and quite honestly I didn't want to be alone so I stayed with his ass until I was literally drained. I'm not one to argue and would rather just be silent, he took that as an opportunity to verbally abuse me and belittle me. I would allow him to build me up and break me down over and over again. Once people realize you have a soft spot for them, they will repetitively get over on you. That reason alone I'm scared to let somebody back into my life. You can be vulnerable to a person, tell them everything about you and somehow they will then double what you told them about. Kai wasn't always bad but I had to let that situation go for me. I literally up and left...I didn't owe him an explanation especially after a year of fuck shit ? Too good on that. That relationship fucked me up, not even gonna lie. Quite frankly, it was debilitating.
"What the fuck does he want?" Trent spoke.
"I don't even know...and before y'all asked why he not blocked, the nigga will literally find a way to call or contact me. Certified fucking stalker." I declined the call.
"You gon have to put that nigga down one day. Shit like that is not to be taken lightly." Trent said, raising his eyebrow.
He was lowkey right. In these situations somebody tends to die and it ain't finna be me. Kai ain't got that much audacity though.
"You might be right but Kai ain't cut like that" I said waving it off.
"Mhmm...I personally would hate to cut the hoe." Reed said, causing us all to laugh.
"Alright y'all I should get going. I have a meeting in the morning and a date." Trent said, putting his money on the table.
"A date? Nigga you forgot to mention that!" I spoke getting ready to head out.
"Man go head." He lightly pushed me.
"Alright bring it in y'all." Reed said signaling a group hug.
Reed is definitely the more affectionate one out of our friendship dynamic. He definitely taught us how to be more open and affectionate towards each other and people outside of our friend group.
"See y'all, be safe and I love y'all." Casey said before walking to his car.
"We love you too." The rest of us said in unison as we made our way to our cars.
I needed that outing with my boys. I'm most definitely gonna look into this forum. I think it's time I start healing...really healing and not just saying it.
