Love You Forever {sequel to Puppy Love, Rina fanfic}

Life update if you care to read

First off, THIS IS REALLY HARD TO PUT OUT, SO PLEASE BE RESPECTFUL TO ME AND THOSE WHO CHOOSE TO SHARE AS WELL!

Okay, so I like writing stuff to vent. I either do it in a format like this or by writing songs, but I want to do it like this today.

If you don't care to read or are going to become judgmental, go ahead and skip. Thanks for being here!

If not, feel free to continue, and leave your own personal stories if you relate.
Thanks for making this a safe community to vent to.

Okay, here we go.

So, a while ago I talked about this girl I was friends with not being the most friend like person. She could share her opinions, but when I do (in a social studies class talking about my culture), I should leave my negative thoughts to myself.

We kind of got it resolved, and this was back in the end of October. I found out that apparently she was talking about it to my two other close(st) friends.

They "didn't take sides", which I get. But to be honest they really did. And the side was not mine.

Things started getting better when I formed a relationship with a girl who I actually relate to so much. We're doing good now. She checks on me, genuinely cares, or is really good at pretending she does.

There's another problem. Due to my past relationships, it is impossible for me to fully trust someone or think they're here for good.

So, back to the other friends. I was still invited to this girl's birthday party. And I ended up not showing, forgetting to text her, and just going to an extra dance class to take my mind off it.

We haven't talked in WEEKS, and we sit next to each other in Science. Friday she started talking to me again, and I have no idea why.

So she and two other girls sat with me at lunch. Until a few weeks ago. This one kinda didn't show up much, always signing out to go to the art room. But the other two never made an official, should I say, secession from my lunch table.

For a few weeks in November, possibly October too. These three "popular" girls were coming over to my table, talking to me, telling me how horrible I looked and then telling me they just wanted to "be friends". They were taking pictures, and at one point I was physically holding up my backpack as a shield to stop them from touching me.

Instead of defending me, or even just STAYING AT MY TABLE with me, my friends would just get up and leave to my not as close friends table.

None of them talk to me anymore, except for one who I sit with in my English class.

I think that's all I'll say on friendships, though I could go on. Sorry if this is annoying. But writing this out is already so nice.

•••

So, next, came the drama of before Thanksgiving break.

So. There is NOTHING wrong with not being the skinniest person. There's nothing wrong with being smaller.

And I'm definitely not the skinniest or most stereotypically beautiful person. Which I'm fine with.

I'm a rather healthy person when it comes to food and exercise. It's just genetics in my family that affect the way my body looks.

I dance four, sometimes five, days a week, but I am the way I am.

So here's the story. There's this boy who sits behind me in my math class who said to be in response to my excitement about being in the last class before Thanksgiving break began, "Of course you want food".

But, what he doesn't know is how hard it is for me to find things to eat somedays. I have multiple eating and feeding disorder diagnoses. I am diagnosed with Anxiety, OCD, and am trying to figure out how to bring up the topic of depression with my therapist.

I spent my Thanksgiving dinner sitting outside on my Grandma's porch while they ate.

But also, what's wrong with wanting to eat? I've known this kid since elementary school, and he LOVES to eat. Which is fine, that's great!

But leave me alone.

•••

Now onto the academic side of things. Thanks to anxiety and OCD, taking tests, particularly math ones, is a HUGE struggles for me.

The last two years have felt impossible, but nothing has been worse than this year.

Understand that I have a huge respect for teachers. Both of my parents are teachers.

But this teacher is in no way understanding or empathetic or even ATTEMPTING to be.

She hangs the names on the wall of her room with the kids who've passed the final in the last twenty years. There are eight of them.

What kind of message is that sending to students!?

•••

Moving on, I've just been really struggling with my mental health recently. You guys have been amazing, but there's no one else messaging me right now to check on me. Like, that I can see face to face if I feel the need to.

But anyway, guys. This has felt really good, and to the ones who got this far RESPECTFULLY, YOU ARE THE REAL ONES AND I LOVE YOU!

I'm always here to talk.

A new chapter coming soon!

All my love,
Bri

910 words