Gabsile

Indlu iyawa

****Duduzane Buthelezi****

These past 3 months of living with a new born have been hard and instead  of being the best husband that my wife could ask for I kept lashing out  at her , getting angry over small things , getting angry everytime our daughter cried in the a.ms and just being a dick. I know she isn't staying over in KZN for a week so her family can bond with our daughter , she's giving me space , to breath , to stop my shit and I can't. I follow behind Sii with  Xenzo and when I turn around to give her a kiss and a hug she closes the car door in my face and starts the engine. She leaves without Courtney and without even properly saying goodbye.

Seeing her leave like that breaks my heart but I can't fix this , fixing this requires me to tell her about Kholofelo , to tell her that im expecting another baby , and I know for a fact that if I do she will leave me and I can't have that . I keep postponing the Venda trip because im not ready , I'm not ready to bring Kholofelo into my life like that and yeah sure it's just damages but our families will be joint and I don't want that , I don't even want Kholofelo and her baby .'You know you're going to loose your wife and child with your behaviour?" Mpilo says as he sits down on the stairs infront of the door that leads into the house from the garage. 'You look like shit , you spew shit , you're a monster, a ticking time bomb and she needs you" he says .
'If I tell her she will leave me and if I don't -"
'Your vows were till death do as part not till a Venda girl do us part'
'Vows are just words man , this is -'
'Courtney or Sonini might stumble upon the truth , women talk , Sii found out about Gosiame when her man thought she wouldn't so you either risk it all and-'
'Fine I will pay the damages first and tell her , I will talk to Kholofelo and then talk to Sii" I say as I get in the car and go to Saxonworld.

****Siyanda Buthelezi ****

Instead of going straight to KZN I drive to Sonini's just so I can talk . We make some tea and she plays around with Xenzo while we wait for Courtney. I didn't think this man would change and behave this way after our baby was born , its been the worst three months of my life and I don't know what to do ,I almost want to go away for a month to figure out if  I still want yo be with him . I'v learnt from my failed marriage that staying because you love a person and  hoping he will change doesn't work well and I - 'Are you okay? You haven't heard a thing I said" Sonini asks me and I shake my head , I'm not okay , I'm not going to lie to anyone , I'm not okay, the person I need the most doesn't want me , he hates me , he gets angry every second of the day , he dumps his stress on me , he is horrible. 'Ohh hayi Sii don't cry , come " she says bringing me into a hug next to hear on the couch.

****Duduzane Buthelezi ****

Everytime I see this pregnant woman I want to scream , I want to take back that night I want to go back in time and take back our relationship, I want to go back in time and take back the first day I met her , I want to go back in time and take back the days and months I spent courting her. 'I want to go Venda ,call your parents and tell them that Im coming on Saturday' I say when she hops in my car .
'Hello to you too ,  we are great , you missed a doctors appointment , I have been craving Amasi and Movi-"
'I don't want to be a part of your journey , you knew that I was getting married and you still rocked up at my party -"
'I have morning sickness and I received an early maternity leave at work , funny enough I dont have mood swings and -'
'Give me their address and get out of my car " and she hands me a piece of paper and  hops out . I head straight to Senzo's and tell Mpilo not to be late.

****Siyanda Buthelezi ****

Once Courtney arrives , and I feed the baby we sit by the breakfast nook and talk. I tell them everything and how I want to go , I want to leave him because I cannot take this. 'I think you should talk to him , tell him how you feel and give him a week to change and if he doesn't I will get you a very good lawyer so we can get over and done with the divorce" Sonini says and I agree , Courtney thinks we should go for two weeks to clear our heads and then contact a lawyer , have him on standby and then when I return I can sit down with him and if he doesn't change then we file for divoce.

****Duduzane Buthelezi ****

I park inside the estate just after the gate and wait for my brothers who take their prescious time to arrive. We all drive to Senzo's where I see my wifes car infront of the garage and my heart sinks. When we walk in through the front door I see her stand from the breakfast nook and quickly turn around and go into one if the rooms , she comes back with our baby and leaves after offering Senzo a weak smile . ' yup you're definitely loosing her' Mpilo says .

I watch them kiss their partners goodbye and I feel my heart sink and shatter.  That used to be us , before I let a stupid game and a stupid ex ruin our marriage. Now there's a stupid child that im forced to father , forced to pay damages for and I...I can't take it .

****Siyanda Buthelezi ****

You can lie to the world, to yourself and your friends but not to your mother.  Mothers must have a muscle or a sense that enables them to know the truth because all I did was look at her and she knew . I knew that she knew but I thought she would never bring it up but she did. She made us all tea after putting Xenzo to sleep and I couldn't help but cry to her , tell her my problems , Sonini and Courtney spilled the beans too. She listerned , she gave us all hugs and we stayed in silence , peaceful silence.