Gabsile

Thembelihle's baby shower

Every month when I get my period my heart breaks . I really want to have a baby with him and we spend soo much time trying. He knows when im ovulating and we have sex more during those days but still no child . He says that his brothers never had to try so hard for a baby , that it happened once , and they had a baby and while I might be feeling discouraged he will soldier on and try harder . I have tested everything I could like blood , chlamydia , I took a transviganal ultrasound and even a  hysterosalpingography and the results came back looking good. My fallopian tubes are alright  , the length of my uterus is alright and my blood tests reveal that I am indeed fertile and my gynae tells me to stop stressing and to give it another year.

'I think since I have tried everything we could afford to test you should do a semen analysis ' I tell Akhumzi and he looks at me once and laughs  outloud at me like I said the funniest  joke ever.  I look at him a little annoyed and he laughs harder. ' how can you even think about that? There's nothing wrong with me or my semen. If anyone has a problem its you . You carry the child not me' he says .

' Akhumzi I just want to be sure that there's nothing wrong . We can start treatment and even turn to adopting and try and find a sperm donor ' I say and he turns and looks at me. Almost unable to farthom that I am serious. ' I will drink imbiza if I think I have a problem and I'll talk to my mother and we will figure something out if there's something that needs to be figured out and I will not do that semen analysis of yours' he says and I sit on the bed ' you do know that sometimes a man can't make babies and its okay really. We can adopt and even find a sperm donor." I say and his forehead creases ' what exactly are you trying to say ? You're sitting on that bed and implying that I am infertile ? If you want to turn into a hoe and have sex with men out there you can just say so and go ahead I won't stand infront of you but I won't let you call me infertile.  I also won't raise a strangers child with you so I don't want to hear you speak about adopting again ' he says .

' I don't like the words you just used ,all im saying is lets test everything out and see if we need to find solutions to any problems if we do have them. Im not calling you infertile I just-"
  ' Listern to me and listern to me carefully. I am not infertile , my brothers from the same mother and father have kids so I am not infertile if anyone is infertile here its you. Not me. So if you want to do something go back to your gynae and run more tests until you find the truth !' He says walking out of the bedroom.  I follow him ' so you're going to run to your mother for help and not a medical doctor? Not even the mens clinic ? You're going to drink dirty concoctions and refuse to do a semen analysis at home ?" I ask and he turns to face me , his whole body filling the small passageway and he says ' You're getting on my nerves rightnow. Iv never heard of an infertile man in my family. My mother and father had us and my siblings have children so you're the infertile one here and you better fix it because I want children.' And he turns around and leaves me standing there with a million thoughts in my mind.

Ontop of having baby issues I must go and attend a bloody baby shower. I must show up with a smile infront of a group of women who have children or are pregnant and be chatty and laugh at their jokes meanwhile my heart shatters in peaces and I say small prayers because I want to have children too.I must go out there and walk into ToysRus or Zara kids or Naartjie and hold back tears because Im shopping for another woman and not me and I might never have the joys of shopping for my own. I can't even take a rain check because Akhumzi will drag me down there himself since he told me to go to the baby shower and ask for advice on how to conceive a child.

I go to the saloon for a bob weave installation and I go to Zara for a white dress and to Zara kids for the present. I buy a few neutral colour rompers and socks and bips and have them wrapped up in brownand white wraping paper. I head back home and slip into the dress and wear my heels. Looking at myself in the mirror I look good , a little bit of weight loss but my curves and butt are still intact and I look good, especially today. Akhumzi drives me today and we arive 40 minutes late.

Sneaking in I bump into Gosiame and we giggle after we separate. She is wearing a while bralet and white pants , serving cleavage and showing those curves and she pulls me in for a hugg and tells me an emergency came and she can't stay any longer and she leaves. I walk in , apologize and sit near Asanda who smiles at me and goes back to talking to the lady sitting next to her.  I don't feel welcome at all , everyone is starring at me like I did something wrong , maybe its because I arrived late or maybe I am over thinking everything.

The baby shower is in the back yard of their beautiful double story. Theres a few glass tables and chairs with white cussions and ribbons on the back of the chairs. Everyone except  Thembelihle is wearing white and she is in a pink offshoulder top that hugss her breasts and a short pink skirt and goes from her above her belly to just 5 fingers above her knees .

I spend my time day dreaming about what my baby shower will be and I stay put even when everyone talks up a storm and even playsgames. I drink too much Champaign and wine and I call my man to come pick me up . Asanda helps me to the car and we leave.

He scolds me for my drinking from Thobani's house to ourhouse and even when he takes my handband helps me walk he still scolds me.Sitting in my lounge is his mother who is glaring at me. She looks at me once and starts saying something but I bend over and puke shutting her up and causing Akhumzi to start scolding me and complaining.

I wake up a few hours later with a headache and a grumbling stomach. Maybe drinking in an empty stomach wasn't the greatest idea but it helped me exit that happy scene early , before people got too happy and started talking about his ex again. I make my way to the kitchen where I find Akhumzi and his mother laughing. ' Gabsile when are you going to host your own baby shower? Akhu told me about your trips to the gynae and how the gynae says everything is fine but still today there is no sign of a baby' she says turning to me and I lean on the wall placing a hand on my head. I already have a headache that hurts and now she wants to talk about children again.

' Akhumzi doesn't want to run any tests so what exactly am I going to do ?" I say with the last bit of strength in me . ' there's nothing wrong with my son , you're the barren one here so don't you dare tell me about Akhumzi.  I sent imbiza here that you refused to drink and caused a scene but still there is no baby. " she says and I wince as the tears build up in my eyes. My head hurts and now it hurts more because im crying. ' I don't know what you want from me , it takes two to make a baby , you can't keep coming here and harassing me like this , I might never conceive because of the stress that you and everyone else give me ' I say closing my eyes .

I want to disappear and come back with a miracle baby. I just can't stand this person and everyone surrounding me ' Akhumzi! I warned you not to marry this barren hag and you refused to listern now here we are , a year later and still trying to conceive ' she says . I stand there fightimg the urge to kick her out of my house with her son or to drive away. ' Im certain you'v had abortions or tied your tubes or something " she says and I go back into the bedroom and fetch my car keys. I would rather die on the road than to stay here with these two.