Start Over

10

Y/n | Los Angeles

"What did you do on her birthday?" Julez asked me. "Nothing really, I had to work so I couldn't really grieve or do anything" I told him. "Where do you work?" Michelle asked me. "I'm a ER Doctor at Good Samaritan Hospital" I told her and Bey smiled. "Glad to see you stayed on the Doctor path" she told me and I smiled.

After the shock passed through Julez, Tim, and Richard that I was Akira's other parent, every conversation after that flowed smoothly. Every one was now just trying to catch up or get to know me which I didn't mind. It shocked the hell out of me when I saw Blue face to face. She had some features of a baby Akira, the Knowles woman eyebrow game on point with a few features of Shawn splattered. She was a perfect mixed of her family.

"Are you coming to Coachella?" Mama T asked me and I nodded, "yeah, it will give me a reason to call out of work and get some sleep before I go" I told her, rubbing my face obviously tired from the lack of sleep I got. "Did you work last night?" Latavia asked me. I nodded, "a twenty hour shift" I told them. "Did you get some sleep?" Mama T asked me. I twisted up my lips, basically giving her my answer. She grabbed a pillow and threw it at me from across the room. "Y/n why didn't you sleep?" She scolded me. I raised my hands in a defensive manner, " it wasn't my fault, my neighbors dogs were barking they heads off and I only got and handful of sleep" I told her.

I turned my head just it time to see Bey pouting slightly at me. "You need to sleep Y/nn" she told me. I gave her a sad smile, "I will Bey, I'll try. You know a doctor's work is never done. They'll probably call me in later tonight" I told her with a shrug.

Throughout the night, everything felt so normal for not seeing one another in over a decade. I had so many negative scenarios running through my mind when I first saw Bey and Mama T standing outside of the house. Hell, I thought that Bey wouldn't even look my way.

When it was nearing time for me to leave, surprisingly Blue didn't want me to leave for some reason. She kind of attached herself to my waist when I tried to hug everyone good night.

"Baba, she has to go home" Bey tried to tell the five year old who wouldn't budge. "No" Blue said sternly, squeezing me for extra measure. "Blue, I gotta go kid, you'll see me next week. I'll press your mom into getting me backstage so I can see you ight?" I told her. She looked up at me with a slight pout, "promise?" She asked me and I chuckled, "yeah shorty, I promise" I told her. She finally let my waist go and nodded at satisfaction at my answer.

Mama T pulled me into a hug, "I'll see you next week Y/n. And please, for your own sake, get some rest" she told me, taking my face into her hands. I nodded, "I'll try Mama T but I make no promises" I told her and she nodded. I moved towards hugging the rest of the women, dapped up Julez who took the liberty of calling me 'aunt Y/n', dapped up Tim and lastly dapped up Richard before turning to Beyoncé who was slightly looking at her feet.

"I'll walk you out" she told me. I nodded and walked towards the door. I held it open for her, allowing her to step out first before walking behind her. When we made the short walk to my car, I turned to her, pulling her into a hug. Her body was tensed at first but quickly got comfortable.

I bathed in her sweet smell and held her close, missing the feeling of having her in my arms. "It was good to see you again Y/nn" she told me softly. I squeezed her waist, it was good to see you too Bey. Let's not go another fourteen years without talking yeah?" I told her when we pulled away. She nodded, "I'm sorry, I never meant to not reach out. I...I genuinely thought you hated me" she muttered. I furrowed my eyebrows in confusion.

Hate her? Why would I hate the mother of my child? My first love? My lover?

"Why would I hate you Bey? You ain't did shit for me to hate you. Not that I could anyway" I asked her, sitting on the front of the car, pulling her softly to stand in front of me. "Well, firstly I completely disregarded your feelings. I wasn't the only one that lost our daughter, so did you. I was so self absorbed with the idea that I only lost her that I just made everything harder for you and all you did was try to comfort me" she told me.

I could tell she had more she wanted to say. I'm guessing this was years of words and regret she was holding inside that I knew she needed to get out to heal herself so I didn't stop her.

"Then I turned around and got with him and married him and had a baby with him and did all this shit that I should've done with you and I'm just really fucking sorry" she told me, her voice cracking. I sighed, I knew this conversation was going to be heavy but it was something we both need to have to heal, to move on, or even to start over.

I took her hands in mine and held them tightly, "Bey, you gotta let this shit go. Yeah, you getting married to that nigga hurt and you having his daughter hurt even more but I obviously got over it. You were happy so I couldn't do shit about it. In reality, I wanted to kill his bitch ass when I found out he cheated for the second time" I told her with a shrug and she giggled. I cleared my throat, "and when Akira went missing, I never hated you for anything. You were grieving. You had that connection with her and I knew you were hurting so all I could do was comfort you. I wasn't rey point fingers at the mother of my child like she wasn't hurting. Fuck kind of partner would I be if I did that?" I said to her.

She was crying and I was slightly angry that she was feeling all of this and dealt with it all alone.

I raised my hand to wipe her fallen tears and held her chin in my hand. "Stop crying mama" I muttered to her softly as I stood up, slightly towering over her and kissed her forehead. She gave me a watery smile, "I missed hearing you call me that" she told me. I chuckled and held her close, rocking our bodies side to side.

We stayed silent for a bit. I really needed to get home but I wasn't rey leave just to probably not get any sleep. Fuck that.

"I'm really sorry" she muttered. I sighed exaggeratedly, "girl if you don't stop apologizing. We're good, we got all we needed to say out" I told her. "But, I still feel bad" she told me. I playfully rolled my eyes before stepping back.

"I mean, you can give me your number and we can call it even"

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Hi lovelies 🫶🏾.
Def wanted to give them Deja vu 💀.
Get y'all pitchforks ready, smb dying soon
I'm not saying tho so like...have fun
Enjoy n comment n all that 🤸🏾‍♀️.