Engaged [z.m.]

Chapter 29: Intentions

C H A P T E R - T W E N T Y   N I N E

Perrie

Zayn was due to arrive in New York this week while we were here. He was going to stay with me for five days whilst we performed two nights in Manhattan and one in New Jersey with day breaks in the middle. Since this was the longest we were staying in one city throughout the whole tour, this proved to be an ideal situation for Zayn to come and visit me.

The entire trip was completely abrupt and uncalled for. I hadn't envisioned him coming to meet me in New York but apparently he got talking with his manager without me knowing and planned this trip without my knowledge. He was well aware that I wouldn't mind him coming at all thus he arranged this as quickly as he possibly could. I was completely in cloud 9 knowing that I was going to meet him after well over a month of just being able to communicate through a mobile device.

I arrived in New York late at night. The band had flown right after a concert and barely got any sleep on the flight. The first thing I did when I got to the hotel was go to sleep. Jade and I spend most of the next day in my suite whereas the Leigh and Jesy attended some event on behalf of the entire band.

"Being in New York, you should really consider something" Jade said as I picked out some clothes that needed to get cleaned.

"What?" I looked up.

"Getting some shopping done"

"What kind of shopping?" I asked "I have enough clothes"

"Wedding dress shopping" she whispered, comically. I pushed a pile of clothes aside as I gave a thought to what she had just said.

Did I need to get shopping? Zayn and I hadn't even talked about when the wedding was going to take place. In fact, we were yet to discuss the wedding in more than brief mentions here and there. Zayn had yet to ask me about the dress, the venue, who we were going to invite. Suddenly, I felt overwhelmed about how unconcerned the two of us had been about the wedding. Why hadn't we ever talked about this? Why hadn't Zayn ever mentioned anything?

"I'm not sure Jade" I shook my head.

"Why not?" Jade narrowed her eyes "We have entire days free with nothing but two hour rehearsals, we could go anywhere you want to, we have a lot of time Perrie"

"No Jade" I stood unconvinced, my head still swirling with thoughts making me almost sick.

"Perrie, can you at least provide me with a reason as to why you don't want to go?" she asked, scooting closer to where I was sitting on the floor, my back pressed to the bed.

"I just...I mean, we haven't decided when or where the wedding's going to take place, it's no use shopping for the dress without knowing" I confessed although I knew I was going to be bombarded with questions from this point on.

"What do you mean? You guys haven't even talked about this?" It was like Jade couldn't believe what I had said.

"No" I shrugged.

"Wha-so, never? Not once?" she asked again, her eyes wide. I badly wanted to tell her to leave only because I did not want to answer questions that would further make me sick but I knew I couldn't avoid her.

"No Jade, we have not, not once talked about this" I said, firmly. This was followed by a long silence where Jade just tried to find the right words to say.

"Perrie, is everything alright?" I sighed after I heard this because I knew well enough that everything was perfect but after this conversation, I was definitely doubting it.

"Yes, Jade, everything's amazing" I nodded "Just...I don't know why.."

"And you want to get married, right?" she asked yet another obvious question.

"Yes!"

"Then what's wrong? Why have you guys not talked about your own wedding?" she looked at me with concern etched across her features.

"I don't know" I sighed, feeling helpless. I did not provide her with one good answer, they were all a mixture of confusions on my part that were causing her to get more and more anxious for me consequently making me twice as much troubled.

"And does Zayn want this?" she finally said. I knew she had been contemplating asking me this question for a while now.

"I...yes, I mean as far as I know, he definitely does" I frustratingly said.

"How do you know that?" I looked up at her, bewildered at this question.

"Jade, how do I know that? He loves me, I know him inside out and that's enough to prove to me that he wants this" I practically yelled at her, angered at how she would ask such a question.

"Perrie, he may love you but that doesn't necessarily mean he wants to marry you, maybe he's changed this mind" Jade concluded.

"NO! That's not true" I shook my head.

"Look Perrie, I care for you that's why I'm asking you all of this just to be sure that you know what's going on. I'm only suggesting and considering any option that may come to my mind to be on the safe side. My suggestions are not reality Perrie" she spoke slowly as I tried to absorb every word in without getting angry once again.

She was right. This could mean anything and considering an option was not a bad thing. I couldn't blindly accept everything because I was convinced Zayn loved me. He may love me but Jade was right, that didn't necessarily mean that he wanted to commit to me the way he had promised months ago. He may have changed his mind about it without informing me, he may be doubting everything but that did not mean that he did not love me.

He loved me, I was sure of that.

But did he want to marry me? I wasn't too sure on that anymore.

"But Jade, I haven't mentioned it to him either, it's not like I've talked to him about the wedding!" I pointed out, hoping that someway the odds would be in Zayn's favor.

"Perrie, you know your intentions but do you know his?" she questioned.

That one statement stayed with me entire the day. I asked Jade to leave the room after a couple of more questions asked by her as I couldn't take it anymore. I felt like I was going to throw up. All I needed was some thinking time to absorb all of this new information that had overwhelmed me beyond limits. The entire day I spend in bed, under the covers just thinking. I ignored all of Zayn's calls and powered off my phone. Suddenly, I felt like I had lost control of my own life. My eyes would constantly just end up starting at my engagement ring.

I knew my intentions but did I know his?

~

Thank you so much for ten thousand reads. I cannot express my gratitude fully.

Zoha x