Engaged [z.m.]

Chapter 47: Where Are You?

C H A P T E R    F O R T Y - S E V E N

Zayn

Christmas arrived before I knew it. The house seemed so much fuller with my older sister and my dad around. They both talked and buzzed about with the holidays season. Particularly happy that the entire family was finally together after a considerably long time.

They added bibs and bobs almost every other hour. Gushing over how pretty the house looked before taking down a few things only to add in some more. From the moment I woke up to the moment I feel back asleep, all I heard was talking and occasional laughter. The house had transformed with their arrival in every possible way.

They made me feel so full of life. More than I had felt in a while. Although I didn't contribute much or talk a lot but I felt happier, I was actually smiling. I was trying to narrow down my naps and the hours of sleep I got at night to somehow force myself into spending time with them and observing them bring about all these festive changes. It wasn't that I didn't want to, I did. I really did want to spent time with them because truthfully I couldn't remember the last time all five of us were together for more than one day.

The only problem was that my mind was rejecting all of this. It wasn't allowing me to take part in all of this. I constantly felt like I was doing the wrong thing by laughing at my younger sister's lame jokes or helping my other sister pick a movie. I felt like it was wrong of me to be happy.

That I shouldn't be happy. 

Christmas day arrived eventually. I somehow woke up earlier than the rest of the house. The sun had barely risen as I shrugged on a coat whilst stepping out into the cold. There a light wind that whistled through the city.

I pulled out my phone and stared the screen. I contemplated whether I should call her. I had to. I knew that and Christmas provided a perfect excuse yet I felt just as a cowardly as I did the day she moved out.

I stared the screen a moment longer, my finger rising to click on her contact to connect a call but stopping. I sighed and made my way back home before the house woke up and rushing into a frantic search after they discovered my empty and unmade bed.

Doniya, my elder sister, was up when I got back. So was my mum. They both were huddled over a magazine laughing at something. I smiled softly at them and walked over to the slowly to examine what all the laughter was about.

They both shrieked a Merry Christmas after spotting me, jumping up on me. My younger sister popped in just then and jumped on top of me as well. Dad joined in just as the three unlatched themselves from me just in time before I stumbled down onto the floor underneath all their pressure.

Christmas was the best day I had since our breakup. I laughed more than I thought I could. Everyone loved my last minute, ordered online gifts. Mum made the best dinner and I went to sleep, feeling tired and full rather than restless and disturbed.

My sister flew out four days after Christmas. My days of return loomed closer but no one questioned me about it. Tour was to begin in two months and rehearsals were to be in full swing as soon as the band reunited in London. My manager called me a week after Christmas, pestering me and warning me to get on a plane as soon as possible otherwise she was flying out to Bradford to drag me back to London. 

I refused every single time and powered off my phone. Regardless, I knew I had obligations. I had contracts that I signed. Projects which I agreed to. Meetings that were already scheduled.

I eventually booked a flight, two weeks after Christmas.

All my bandmates called me throughout the period that I stayed in Bradford, questioning my early departure from London. I didn't have much of an explaination and none of them pressed for one.