Engaged [z.m.]

Chapter 10: This is it

C H A P T E R   T E N

I would advise you to please read the authors note at the end. Thank you!

Zayn.

"So this is it?" Harry looked up at me. I looked at him, not saying anything. Hoping that my silence would offer him the answer to his question. Thankfully it did as he nodded his head and suddenly, his frown lit into a smile.

"Congratulations Zayn" he smiled, brightly at me. I kept on staring at him, my smile miles away. I felt so happy that he agreed that all of the boys were happy about this. There was this pooling inside my heart that was making it burst, slightly. I couldn't help but offer him a small smile but my mind was still reeling with thoughts that objected with my smile as it slowly disappeared off of my face.

"What's wrong?" Harry frowned once again, understanding the state I was in.

"I...I don't know, I'm sure about this; so sure about this but..." I trailed off, my head bobbing down, staring at the floor.

It was so silent in the room, there was no one there except for me and Harry and the soundproof walls didn't help anything. If more than anything, I needed to hear noises and see people laughing to calm down my nerves but nothing seemed to be helping. Harry said nothing for a couple of second, obviously contemplating what to say.

"What's wrong Zayn?" he finally spoke. I sighed, my eyes still fixed on the floor. I didn't know what to say, how to make him understand because I didn't understand it myself.

I was so sure about her. In fact, I wouldn't be lying if I said that it was one of the most satisfying decisions I had made. I didn’t doubt my faith in her; I had more faith in her than anything. I didn't know what I had doubting or second guessing but there was a constant jabbering in my brain that told me to wait, to see if the times right...to be sure that at this age this is what I want.

But I always spoke back to that voice, telling it that I was sure. That I was so very sure, that I couldn't wait any longer. I couldn't wait any longer to have me trail along a relationship that I was so sure of. That I couldn't imagine ending. That I couldn't imagine having replaced.

But I still was left manipulated. I didn't know why. It was even more frustrating that I was and that angered me. I shouldn't be manipulated, I should control domination but I was failing miserably at it. I was failing miserably at the battle that I had with myself.

"Harry, I feel...I'm so certain that this is what I want but every single time I think about it, I feel...so clustered. My mind is constantly jumping to the most bizarre assumption that in reality I know can't even happen..."

Harry looked at me, concern etched over his features. His features mirrored Louis' when I had told him that I wanted to get married. They were not disapproving in any way, they were worried. They were apprehensive towards my condition.

"Mate, you need to calm down...I know, all of this right now feels like a big hassle and seems like something so incredibly big that you feel like you might be not able to pull it off but Zayn, if you're sure this is what you want...then, you need to stop thinking these things. All of these assumptions are natural, I mean, you're thinking about proposing for God's sake. I would be more worried if you weren't feeling this way" Harry explained. His words helped lift such a burden off of my chest.

"But...I just don't know how to control my thoughts; they're...they're sort of terrorizing me"

"You need to fight them Zayn, push them aside. Think about the things you've told me and the boys, think about why you're sure that it’s her. Be positive and have control over the things that you need to be thinking about and over analyzing" he said "...Its all in your head, its never going to happen. You love her and she loves you and I promise you that she will not say anything besides yes and everything's going to be fine"

"It seems impossible right now...it must but it really isn't Zayn, when you're sure you want to do this and you must".

After all that he had said, I couldn't help but smile. He was so supportive; he was closer and honest to me than my real brother would have been. He and the boys always managed to pull me together after anything bad happened to me. Things were suddenly looking up and that mocking noise at the back of my head was gone. Completely gone with no return.

"You know what Harry?"

“Yeah?”

"I think this is it"...

~

Dedication to @lotta_james! Thank you for all the support.

And thank you all the rest of you for the amazing response to my last chapter. We have indeed reached the hundred vote target in fact, I have 121. You guys are awesomeee! So from now on, my chapters will be dedicated one by one to you guys. If you want a dedication then please leave a comment below. The ones that have gone back and voted on ALL the fucking chapters, you guys will receive dedications too but above all, I appreciate it so very much.

Zoha x