Stiffled Desires

Chapter 15

(The author's note: At this stage, Victor (Victoria) has everything twisted inside they head, and therefore there are quite a lot of contradictions in the chapter that I hope I will be able to show right.)

I was sitting in the bathroom and trying to wash my panties, realizing at the same time what I had just done! No matter if I wanted to admit it or not, but this can be considered as sex with a man and that's can't be changed or fixed, and most likely I will fall even deeper... maybe I've always been gay and just didn't realize it? No! I liked women, and I hope I still like them... but I also like Alex... or rather, Victoria likes him, but every day I become more and more of her!

Wrapping myself in a towel, I returned to the bedroom, walking over to the closet to choose clean underwear.

- Are you naked under a towel right now? - Alex was giggling like an idiot, at least that's how I saw him right now!

- Well, yes, so what? - I replied, not hiding my displeasure.

- Then maybe you should keep me company? - He lifted the bedspread to reveal his naked body.

- I think you've had enough for today!

Alex got out of bed and came over to hug me.

- Didn't you like it at all? - He whispered in my ear.

- I'm not sure, and I need time to realize what happened, I mean, I gave you a blowjob!

Alex tore the towel off me and then I tried to cover my crotch with my hands.

- You idiot! - I blurted out rather rudely. – Are you so desperate to see that I really have a dick?

- Yes, I want to! - He grabbed my wrists and lifted them over my head, leaning me against the wardrobe.

I was standing pressed against the wardrobe door while being completely naked, my small penis hanging limply between my legs. I looked into Alex's eyes and at the same moment I felt tears running down my cheeks. I didn't want him to see me like this, I didn't want to be like this for him! This thought was like an electric shock! I want to be a woman, I want to be a wife, I want to be Victoria when he's around! At the same moment, the man lifted me in his arms and carried me to our bed, it flashed through my head that now he would take my virginity, but I was unable and did not want to resist ... but nothing like that happened, we just lay naked, tenderly and without lust hugging each other until we fell asleep.

I spent the morning habitually in the kitchen preparing breakfast for us, and my husband just as habitually crawled out of our bedroom to the scent of fresh brewed coffee.

- We need to talk! - Alex said in a too serious tone.

- About what? – I had a rough idea about the topic and I felt uneasy.

- About what happened yesterday and what will happen next! From what I see, you don't mind that you and I have a full-fledged sex life, right? - There was no trace of flirting or romance in his voice, which made this conversation much more awkward.

- Let's suppose, but what exactly are you asking me now?

- I want to understand how to behave so that you don't feel disgusted with me! I don't see you as Victor anymore, but I can't ignore the way your body is.

- That's why I didn't want you to see me completely naked. - I sat down at the table and hugged my shoulders sadly.

- You misunderstand me! Your body is beautiful, every part of it!

- But I'm a man! How can you be attracted to me knowing that?

- I'm also a man, but nevertheless I attract you, otherwise you wouldn't do all the things that you did! - Alex came up to me, took me by the chin and kissed me.