Defamed: Book Three (bxb) ✔️

Chapter Nine: Heal

Cameron Windsor

"Why are you here?"

Lily, Liam's wife, breezed past me with a casserole dish in her hands. "You can't spend two days hiding out. Your brothers are stuck in Korea because of visa issues. You're not showering. Clearly. So, I'm here to make sure you get in the shower, and eat something."

"I don't know you."

She didn't care. "And yet, you're part of my cute little family." I shut the door. I wasn't winning this battle. "Now get your cute little ass in this kitchen and get some food in your belly. We're going to have a chat."

I was hungry. I had neglected my personal hygiene, and self care. Which included eating. So, I gravitated into the kitchen after her. Whatever she brought smelled way too good.

Lily set out paper plates, and dished out a delicious looking casserole. I was hungry enough not to question what was in it. So, I sat down, and dug in. She watched my every move. I knew she was here to check on me. She even said so.

I'd only texted my brother's back once a day, and slept the rest. I wasn't strong enough. I left Asher alone. I thought it was for the best, but the guilt was eating me alive. I said one thing, and did another. Now, I was also underneath a microscope. The world was demanding more information that they didn't need.

I couldn't escape this.

"You're trapping yourself back in a corner, darlin'." Lily commented, breaking through my thoughts. "You're trying to retreat back to old ways of handling this on your own, but you're not alone anymore. We're worried about you. I trust you not to hurt yourself. Your brothers are at a little bit of unease, but is there anything I can do to help you?"

I frowned. "What can you do? What can anyone do? My thoughts are all over the place. I'm back there one minute, and the next, I'm beating myself up for not helping others through my trauma. Where is the middle margin? How can I help others and help myself?"

"You help others while helping yourself. What happened to you—Cameron, you've lost enough. You're still paying dues that you don't owe. On one hand, you have your brothers, and the other—Asher."

My eyes widened. "How—"

She held up her hand to stop me. "Ace told me, and before you get upset with him, he didn't tell your brothers. He told me because I'm here, and they're stuck in Korea. My lughead of a husband doesn't even know. But I want to help you. We all want to help you. Help both of you. Even if they don't know yet. They're going to want to help, and you know it."

I shoved my plate away. I lost my appetite. "I can't do this with him. I was going to try and then it all disappeared. Why does it matter so much? It was one year. One. Eight years ago."

"Oh, baby, love just doesn't work that way, and you know it. If you're still in love with him, why is he not allowed to be?"

"I..." Shit. She was not afraid to call me out. "I can't—" I tossed my fork across the counter. "I'm broken. I'm shattered. I'm nothing like I was before. I don't have a happy ending in all of this. I can't help him."

"No one is telling you to go over there and fix your relationship. No, we're telling you to go over there and heal the parts of you that are still broken. To help him along the way." She sighed. "Neither of you are doing so good right now. You're going to continue to feel guilty, and I know you feel guilty. For leaving him on his own again. And listen, you shouldn't have to be doing this. You never deserved to be doing this. You should be married to him with your million dollar smiles and two-point-five kids, but you're not. You should be, but you're not. You can get yourself back, though."