Defamed: Book Three (bxb) ✔️

Cameron's Last Letter

CAMERON WINDSOR'S FINAL LETTER TO ASHER ADAIR...Right?

A̶s̶h̶e̶r̶..

I̶ ̶d̶o̶n̶'̶t̶ ̶k̶n̶o̶w̶ ̶h̶o̶w̶ ̶t̶o̶ ̶a̶p̶o̶l̶o̶g̶i̶z̶e̶...

I̶ ̶l̶o̶v̶e̶ ̶y̶o̶u̶,̶ ̶I̶ ̶s̶w̶e̶a̶r̶ ̶I̶ ̶d̶o̶...

I̶ ̶d̶o̶n̶'̶t̶ ̶r̶e̶m̶e̶m̶b̶e̶r̶ ̶a̶n̶y̶t̶h̶i̶n̶g̶...

N̶o̶t̶h̶i̶n̶g̶ ̶m̶a̶k̶e̶s̶ ̶a̶n̶y̶ ̶s̶e̶n̶s̶e̶.

Y̶o̶u̶ ̶a̶r̶e̶ ̶o̶n̶e̶ ̶o̶f̶ ̶t̶h̶e̶ ̶o̶n̶l̶y̶ ̶p̶e̶o̶p̶l̶e̶ ̶I̶ ̶l̶o̶v̶e̶ ̶m̶o̶s̶t̶ ̶i̶n̶ ̶t̶h̶i̶s̶ ̶w̶o̶r̶l̶d̶.̶.̶.̶

I can't find the right words to start this. I'm sorry; I didn't mean to hurt you. It was the last thing I wanted. You are my everything. You will always be my everything. Everything is a blur, and I can't stop crying. I can't make this feeling stop. I cheated on you, but it wasn't consensual. It wasn't. I do love you. I love you more than anything in this world. I don't even want to leave my room. I'm scared. I'm so scared. 

He told me he'd find me. I don't want to be found. I can't make anything make sense. How did he get to me? How did I allow this to happen? I can't remember anything. I can't remember it. I can't remember what happened. But it did. It did happen. I clicked the video, and I heard myself telling him no, but I was...I couldn't talk. I don't remember. How could I be so careless? How could I ever do this? I don't remember drinking anything. I never touched alcohol before, so why did I supposedly start last night?

Asher, I'm so sorry.

You were and will always be my greatest love. I'm sorry. I don't want anyone else, but I can't have you. I'll settle for no one. I will. I can't do this. I can't get through this. He's demanding things of me that I don't want to give him. But he has a video. He has a video of what he did to me, and I can't watch past the beginning. I saw myself unconscious. I stopped. I couldn't keep watching. I didn't see his face. I...

Asher, I'm sorry. 

I want it all to stop. I need it to stop. I want everything to stop.

P̶l̶e̶a̶s̶e̶ ̶c̶o̶m̶e̶ ̶b̶a̶c̶k̶.̶.̶.̶

No, that's not fair. It's not fair at all. You wouldn't be able to look at me. I can't even look at myself. I feel disgusting. Violated. Soiled. I'm used up now. 

I need you to know that no part of my sober mind would have allowed him to do this because I do love you. I promise I do. But I still cheated, right? However, this happened, and I allowed him to get to me. I can't think straight. I can't get any of this out of my head. I want it all to make sense. But I can't make sense of anything. I feel my brain going into survival mode. 

Maybe numb is better.

I̶ ̶w̶i̶l̶l̶ ̶a̶l̶w̶a̶y̶s̶ ̶m̶i̶s̶s̶ ̶y̶o̶u̶.̶.̶.̶

No, wait, that's not fair to you either.

It doesn't matter.

You will NEVER see this letter.

I'm sorry.

-Y̶o̶u̶r̶ ̶S̶u̶n̶f̶l̶o̶w̶e̶r̶

-Cameron