It's Been A Long, Long Time // Steve Rogers

Chapter 42

"Steve..." I gasped, tears flowing down my face as I read some of the letters from over the years. He wrapped his arms around me and soothingly ran a hand up and down my back. "She kept writing to me even though I never replied." I sobbed. "I know, I'm so sorry, sweetheart."

"And then she died, still hoping that one day I would write or visit..." I started hyperventilating slightly and Steve took my face in his hands. "Hey. It's not your fault..." "Yes it is! I should have told her the truth Steve! She probably died thinking I hated her or that I wanted nothing to do with her!!" I started getting more and more upset.

"No she didn't sweetheart. Lois loved you and she would have wanted you to be happy. It's not your fault. It's mine." He said, pulling me back into his arms. "It's my fault you lost your best friend. It's my fault you never told her the truth...It's my fault you're upset right now because all of it...it's all my fault." His voice broke slightly. I clutched onto his shirt tightly as he held me while I cried.

I honestly couldn't believe she kept writing to me all these years and that Howard kept every single letter. Somehow even the one after his death made it into this box. The one from her daughter. Carolyn Rebecca Moore. She named her daughter after me...

The thought only made me sob harder into Steve's chest. She still named her daughter after me even though, to her, it seemed like I blew off her wedding. I would have given anything to be there on her big day.

After a while my breathing leveled out and I sniffled, looking up at Steve whose eyes were slightly red. I placed my hand on his cheek and pulled his lips to mine. "It wasn't your fault." I whispered. "It was...if I had just thought this through a little more...maybe we could have stayed and you wouldn't have missed any of these moments." He said, sadly. "Okay so what if we stayed...I still might have missed all these moments if I had been kidnapped by Zola. Steve, you probably saved my life by bringing me here...and I know that Lois, she'd understand. Especially if she's looking down at us right now."

"She'd be pissed that I haven't asked you to marry me yet." He joked, causing a laugh to leave my lips. "We'll get there." I whispered, giving him a soft kiss.

"Carolyn...Lois's daughter...she's probably still alive." I said quietly, clutching onto Steve as we stood quietly. "Then let's go find her." Steve said, pulling away and grabbing my hand. "We can deal with all of this stuff later."

"I want to take the letters with us." Steve nodded and picked up the box. "Let's go home."

-

I took a deep breath as I stood in front of the New York brownstone. Steve stood besides me, giving my hand a squeeze. "Take your time, sweetheart." He kissed my head and I stood still for a moment before walking up a few steps. I slowly lifted up my hand, knocking on the door. I took a step back and waited until the door opened. A young man opened the door and his brows furrowed as he looked at us, specifically Steve. Probably wondering why Captain America was at his doorstep. I cleared my throat and looked at him. He looked like John. "Hi, I'm looking for Carolyn Moore. My name is Rebecca."

"Hey ma! Someone's here for you!" He yelled before motioning for us to come in. "Sammy, who is it?" A delicate voice called out. He led us towards the sitting room where an older woman was sitting in a large chair watching tv. "Someone named Rebecca."

The woman's eyes widened as she looked at me. "Wow...you look just like her..." She mumbled, beginning to get up from the chair. "Please...don't get up!" I said, walking closer to her and sitting down in the chair next to her. I cleared my throat again and looked into her eyes, "I look like her...because I am her. My name is Rebecca Barnes and your mother, Lois...she was my best friend."

"That's impossible..." She whispered, shaking her head, "You- you look so young!"

"I know it sounds crazy but..." "Time travel!" The man, her son, shouted, cutting me off, "Ma, it's real. The Avengers...Captain Rogers...went back in time to stop Thanos." He pointed at Steve who nodded. "That's true. Once we beat Thanos, I had to go back in time to return the infinity stones we collected...and long story short, I decided to stay in the past with Becca. Your mother knew me as Grant."

"Grant...Becca..." She whispered. "I- I don't understand...My mother said you moved away."

"Well, technically we did. We didn't move to California though like she thought. That was a lie. Steve brought me into the future to protect me from someone. I'm so sorry, I missed everything and that I couldn't write her back all those years. Howard Stark kept every letter she ever wrote safe for me all these years so that one day I could read them." I explained, trying not to cry.

"I can't believe it's really you..." She said, tears streaming down her cheeks. "Mom always spoke so highly of you."

"She meant the world to me. She was my best friend in the entire world." I said, my voice trembling. "I read every letter, every word. I wish I could've been there for her. Her wedding, the birth of her kids, her losses... I'm sorry, I missed it all." Tears welled up, blurring my vision. Carol reached out and held my hand tightly. "She never blamed you for not replying. She spoke of you with so much love, you were always a part of her stories...always Aunt Rebecca." I squeezed her hand and my teary eyes met hers.

"She'd understand and she'd never resent you for leaving and making the choice you made. Especially if that choice meant that you got to be happy." I smiled at her. I needed to hear that more than I thought.

"Sammy, can you go get the photo albums?" She said, looking towards her son. He nodded and walked away before coming back with a few photo books. "Steve...please join us." Carol said, motioning to the couch so Steve and I could sit together.

"Mom always kept photos." Carol said, opening up the first book. The first few pictures were of Lois and John's wedding. I smiled and ran my hand down the page. "She looks beautiful...I'm so happy for them. I wish I could have been there." "You were there in spirit." Carol smiled at me. She flipped through a few more pages until there were pictures of the birth of her first child. The birth of Carol.

"Oh...you were so small." I smiled. There were photos throughout the years of Carol growing up and then her younger brother Theo. "Is that a Captain America doll?" I asked, pointing at a photo. "Captain Rogers was his favorite hero. He would die knowing you're here in my home right now." She laughed slightly. "Well, I hope to meet him one day." Steve said. "He'd love that." Carol said, smiling at him.

We continued looking through the albums of Lois's life. It looked beautiful and full of joy and life. I just wish I could have been there with her to experience it all.

"Oh and here's mom with her first grandchild. This is William Grant Lowry. My first child." I smiled and looked at Steve. His middle name was Grant. "How many kids do you have, Carol?" Steve asked her. "4. 2 boys, Will and Sam, and 2 girls, Jessica and Molly. Sammy is my youngest." I smiled and looked at the photos of Carol and her family, Theo and his family, and Lois enjoying her life with her children and grandchildren. It was all so beautiful. I couldn't be happier for her and her family.

Steve and I spent the whole day with Carolyn and her youngest son, Sam, reminiscing about Lois. She had so many stories of Lois and John and I was happy I had this opportunity to hear them. Carol had even invited us to stay for dinner, and we happily accepted.

I didn't know just how much I needed this. Being here, talking with Carol...I felt like Lois was still here with me. This was the best Christmas gift I could have ever asked for.

A/N: Happy New Year!!! ✨🎉 I hope you enjoyed this chapter! I only have a few more chapters left (maybe like 6 or 7)...and I'm sad that it will be coming to an end soon 😭