The Love Square [boyxboy]

The Love Square {18}

                Everything wiped from my mind. There was only me and Ant in that moment. I forgot all about my parents, Emma, and even my brother.

                I kissed him back deeply. Our lips worked together furiously. Ant wrapped his arms around my neck, tangling his hands in my hair and pulling me closer to himself.

                But then horror washed over me as I realized what I was doing. I shoved Ant away from me and stared at him in terror as I began to tremble.

                “No! I’m not a faggot! I’m not!” I yelled, gripping my aching head. My lips were tingling from the kiss.

                You liked it, Colin. You liked it and you know it. Just like you know you like Ant. You know you’ve liked Ant since you two became friends. And that’s why you were so scared when he admitted his feelings. Because what would your parents say?

                “My mom and dad…They’re going to…” Going to what? Going to kill me?

                I looked up at Ant. He was watching me anxiously, concern in his eyes. He didn’t move towards me, though.

                “Are you alright?” he asked gently.

                “You can’t tell anyone! You can’t tell anyone or else I swear I’ll you, you stupid faggot!” I shouted.

                My breathing began to increase and I stood up, going to the door and fumbling with the lock for a minute. I managed to get it and let myself out of the room, stumbling down the hallway.

                “Colin?”

                Collie placed a hand on my shoulder and I jumped in surprise. I turned to face him and he cocked his head to the side.

                “What’s wrong with you? You look like you’ve seen a ghost,” he said. He had that look in his eyes that he got whenever he was concerned about me.

                He bit his lip and pulled me over to the side of the hallway. “Look man, I’m mad at you. Pissed, actually. So don’t you forget that. But you seriously look freaked out right now. So what happened?”

                I shook my head. “I don’t feel good. I’m going to go home.”

                “I’ll drive you,” he said.

                “No. You stay here. I can drive myself home. I’ll be fine. Dad can pick you up afterschool,” I said hastily. I wanted to be alone.

                Before he could say anything else, I hurried away from him. I got my stuff out of my locker and left through the side doors of the school, heading down the hill and getting into my car.

                I turned the music up loudly, trying not to think about what had just happened. I drove myself home and went inside, glad my parents had already left for work.

                I went up to my bedroom and collapsed on my bed. I buried my face in my hands and surprised myself by bursting into tears.

                “No, no, no,” I sobbed. “No, this isn’t happening. I’m not gay. I can’t be. Being gay isn’t right!”

                I took a calming breath as I pulled my hands away from my face. I wiped my eyes and took another calming breath.