Into the Deep End

Attempting To Float

The Following Day:

Felix woke up to the sun shining into his room, making it look golden and reminding him of spring, something that used to make him so happy but now fills him with dread. He was dreading another day of rehearsals, another day of tension, another day of "silent treatment" from the man he loves, another day of living. Felix knows that he messed up. He knew that an apology would not be enough to make up for what he did. He had to plan something, a surprise of course, Hyunjin would not agree to talk to him, let alone let him make up for it. The gears in his head started turning, feeling a rush of energy from his determination.

In the other room, Hyunjin finally let his roomates back into the room. He was still sleeping, or pretending to be sleeping, when they left the room. He was really not in the mood to socialize, but he was surely not in the mood to get an intervention or to be given the second degree if he were to lock himself away so he decided to join the bunch for breakfast before they all head out to practice. He really wished he had not promised to go to practice but maybe it's good. To be honest it had been a dark period of time, Hyunjin could not get out of his head and was also missing his sunshine dearly. The thought of him however still broke his heart. He wasn't even mad anymore, he just felt like he didn't know who Felix was anymore. That hurt more than anything else.

Reluctantly, Hyunjin pulled himself out of the room and to the table with the others. The others were just quiet when I sat down, it honestly creeped me out.

"What... no joke about me being risen?" He tried to be as playful as possible but I guess he is not quiet there yet so it came out more sarcastic .

"Oh.... we didn't know if it would upset you.. so-" Han was cut off by Hyunjin.

"Relax, honestly I don't know why I even said that." He swiped his hair back and leaned back into his chair.

Felix was the last to the table, putting on his socks as he hopped to the table, not realizing that Hyunjin was sitting there.

"Sorry! I had a slow morn....ing..." his sentence trailed off when he noticed his love sitting at the table with the others.

"H-hey..." he said as he took his usual spot next to Hyunjin. Hyunjin did not even look at his direction, not that he wanted to ignore Felix, he just did not want to lose it if he looked into those eyes.

"Hi." Hyunjin said, continuing to look straight ahead. The group ate their breakfast, the only words being said were Chan discussing the schedule they had for today and letting Hyunjin know what he missed. The group got into their vans to go to practice. Hyunjin asked Changbin to switch cars so that he would not be in the same car. It was going to be hard enough for him to have to face Felix in the mirror during practice and be reminded of their first kiss in that very room. He honestly didn't know how he was going to make it through the practice and considered leaving early again, but he changed his mind realizing that it was never going to get easier on that first time back. He needed to just rip off the bandaid.

Felix attempted to go up to Hyunjin to ask how he was doing, he really missed the voice of the older and being close to him again and smelling his scent caused him to feel desperate for any interactions, even just a glance.

"Do you need help going over the steps after practice today that you missed?" He tried to sound casual but failed.

"Minho said that he would stay and help me out." Hyunjin continued to look anywhere but Felix's face. Felix attempted to put his hand on Hyunjin's shoulder but Hyunjin moved away before he could.

"We have to get started" he said matter of factly before taking his spot in the group. Throughout the practice Felix kept his eyes on Hyunjin, having an excuse to since Hyunjin was singled out a lot since he was not there the past 2 days and was getting some extra help. Hyunjin focused all of his attention on the dance, finding it to be a good distraction despite feeling Felix's stares.

Right when practice ended Felix went up to Minho to try to come up with his plan to make it up to Hyunjin.

"Hey you're helping Hyun right now?" Felix asked, not wasting any time.

"Yeah, although he is catching on quick so dont think it would be more than 2 hours or so. Not going to overwork it either." He responded. "If you wanted to stick around too I don't think it's a good idea... I'm not interested in ambushing him, sorry.. " he comtinued.

"No, I know. Nothing I could say right now would help, but I have a plan so thanks"

"Oh what were you planning?" Minho's voice was laced with doubt but relief that something was going to be done about the tension.

"Hey, you ready to start or what?" Hyunjin interupted before Felix could respond.

"Yeah, I'll leave you guys to it. Bye, I'll see you at home Hyunjin." He states before leaving out of the room.

"Of course I don't exist in this conversation anymore" Minho mumbled under his breath begrudgingly, placing his phone on the aux to play music. Without wasting any time they got to work.

Back at the dorm Felix began working on his master plan to get Hyunjin back. He can't go too extravegant since it has to be a surprise so it will have to be at the dorm. Felix decided to set up a picnic in Hyunjin's room. Felix started to set up the blanket with the candles and even went out to grab
Hyunjin's favorite things. Lastly, Felix wanted to write Hyunjin a letter. Something that could express how he was truly feeling without the pressures that come with Hyunjin's presence.

Hyunjin and Minho finished up at the studio and decided to head back to the dorms.

"Hyun, what's going on in that head of yours? I have seen you pissed off and even throw punches but I have never seen something like this.. I worry that we are losing you man" Minho sounded scared, which was unlike him, but he was like the mom to the group, so Hyunjin knew he couldn't avoid it forever and honestly it might be good to talk to someone.

"I honestly don't know what's going on in my head. I have constant thoughts going off in my head.. did we make a mistake getting together? Why did Felix feel pleasure out of taunting me? Am I more in this relationship than he is? What if it is all my fault?" He took a deep breath before continuing. "I love Felix, that hasn't changed, but sometimes I feel like the Felix I fell in love with is not the same person... I don't know if that makes any sense but it is all just so complicated!" He dropped his head into his hands and groaned.

"Look. First of all, you can't blame yourself for the things that have happened. You can't help if you become jealous and your actions are what matters. You didn't blow up while it was happening so you didn't screw up in that regard. What makes you think Felix is different now..?"

"I don't know... he just feels more distant. Not physically, but I feel like I am not as important to him as he is to me. I know we love eachother but it just hurts a lot... I don't know how to explain it... its just a vibe, I really hate that word but thats the best way I know to describe it." Hyunjin became visibly agitated and clenched his fists.

"I am so tired of feeling insecure in this relationship. We can't show our relationship, we can't even interact in public for God's sake! It's all I can do to get jealous! I don't even get jealous thinking Felix is flirting with others romantically, although it does bother me that he tends to be a friendly flirtatious person. The biggest thing that makes me jealous is the fact that I can't even do those things with MY boyfriend! It broke my heart to be put in the position where my boyfriend is purposefully flirting with someone for who I am going to have to be faced with shipping videos, right in front of my face, enjoying my reaction, knowing that I hate the situation. Knowing that it kills me to not be able to touch him or claim his as mine..." Hyunjin was now dropping tears onto the sidewalk and his voice became strained.

"I think you need to talk to Felix... he needs to know what you are thinking right now and what effect this has had on you..." Minho puts his hand on Hyunjin's shoulder and gives him an encouraging smile. Knowing that Hyunjin needed to calm down if he was going to face the others, they spent the rest of the walk back in silence, Hyunjin trying to steady his breathing while Minho kept his arm around his shoulder for comfort.