Into the Deep End

Life Boat

The 2 boys closed the door behind them. Felix sat on his bed and signaled Hyunjin to take the seat next to him. There was an awkward silence for a while, longer than either was comfortable with.

"...I.."
"..so.."

They simultaneously started their sentances. Both chuckled slightly.

"You can go" Hyunjin spoke.

Felix got up and kneeled in front of Hyunjin, grabbing both of his hands in his.

"I am so sorry. There is a laundry list of things that I need to apologize for, but I mostly want to apologize for being a stubborn ass and an honorary member of paboracha." Hyunjin chuckled at the name.

"So first.. I am so sorry for prioritizing image and career over us. I thought I was doing the right thing by preserving our careers in the hopes that it wouldn't lead to resentment later on, but if I learned anything from almost losing everyrhing, its that the thought of losing my career was not even a fraction as painful as the thought of leaving you behind." Felix looked into Hyunjin's eyes and stroked his cheek, a tear running down his own.

"Secondly. I am so sorry for letting my own ego cloud me from seeing your efforts to be open with me. I was a complete ass for even having the thought of trying to defend myself or counter anything when you were just telling me how you were feeling. What I did was shitty but the breakdown in communication started with me. I am so beyond sorry for how I handled everything and getting competitive with your jealousy. I can't excuse liking it, that is something that will haunt me. I guess I was chasing a form of passion that was toxic instead of being able to see the passion you pour into us every single day. I was just ignorant and I will have to live with the knowledge that I hurt you in a way you should never have been hurt, especially by me." Hyunjin nodded, his head was still hanging low but he started to brush his thumb over Felix's hand gently to let him know that he was processing and accepting what was being said.

"Lastly, I want to apologize for being selfish. I want to apologize for not trusting the bond that we have. I know that no matter what happens, if I get to the point where living doesn't seem worth it anymore, that you would be there in a heartbeat. I know this because no matter what happens I would drop everything to make sure that you continue to breathe, even if it is not with me. I'm so sorry for shutting you out. I'm so sorry for breaking my promise to you, a promise that was made when you and I didn't know eachother like we do now. Even without the love you would have been there for me in a hearbeat and I am so sorry that I did not recognize that." Felix placed his forhead on Hyunjin's knees. Amd squeezed his hands tightly.

"I don't expect you to forgive me or take me back or even try to be friends like we used to be, but I am asking for the opportunity to continue to be a piece of your life, however you would have me." Felix was looking up at Hyunjin. Hyunjin looked at Felix's tear stained cheeks and his puffy nose, all he wanted to do was hold him.

Hyunjin pulled Felix onto his lap and hugged him like he never wanted to let go. Becayse he didnt.

"I'm sorry too. I shouldn't have left when you set up the picnic in my room. And I definitely should not have walked away when I saw what you did. Can you forgive me for that..?" Hyunjin spoke into Felix's neck, still holding him.

Felix sniffed and just nodded, not pulling away from Hyunjin.

"I'm not sure where this leaves us, but if I have learned anything from almost losing you, it's that I don't ever want to let you go. We can take it slow. I still love you but we both have things that we need to work through, hopefully we can find our way back to a relationship." With his response Felix looked slightly dissapointed, but relief washed over him that they were ok.

The pair cuddled on bed for a little while to calm down and recharge from the emotionally draining ordeal.

3 weeks later:

"Lix if you want a ride to your appointment hurry up! I have to leave in 5 minutes!" Changbin yelled as he swung his gym bag over his shoulder.

"Ok! Ok! I'm coming!" Felix was rushing around his room trying to get all of the stuff he would need. He had been seeing a therapist since he got home from the hospital and has started to process everything. There is still a long way to go but Felix is hopeful for his future.

"Ow!" He hissed as he hit his knee on the nightstand. The impact caused the contents of the nightstand to slide off and onto the floor.

"Ughhh!" He started to grab the things from the floor when he heard Changbin call out.

"Ok bye I'm leaving now! Take it or leave it Yongbok!" With this Felix left the mess for later and ran out of his room to catch up with Changbin.

About an hour later Hyunjin came into the room looking for Felix.

"He's at his therapy appointment, he should be back soon-ish" Han spoke up from behind his book.

"But I did-" "why else would you he coming in here. Unless you came to see me? Don't tell me you are cheating  on Yongbok and want to make me the dirty mistress! You will have to fight Minho if you want to win my heart." Han smirked and finished his statement sing songing.

"Ok ew. Thanks, he used one of my hair ties last night and I need it back, I can't find mine" Hyunjin tapped his foot impatiently as he was trying to get to the studio to work on some choreography.

"If he left it here it would be on his nightstand... check the pile of stuff next to it. Im guessing things fell." Han pointed to the pile still left on the floor.

Hyunjin picked up the things and found his hairtie. As he was putting the small pile back on the nightstand, he noticed Felix's notebook.

"Is he finally writing again?" Hyunjin asked. Felix used to write lyrics a lot and contributed in part to some of their songs when it came to lyrics. Hyunjin had not seen Felix write in quiet some time.

Han simply shrugged his shoulders. Hyunjin did not want to be nosy so didn't want to peek inside, although he was curious. He was mostly relieved though, considering everything that had happened he was happy that Felix seemed to be pouring some of his experiences into music again.

Just as he was about to turn to leave the room Felix and Changbin returned home.

"Hey Hyun, whatcha doin in here?" He tilted his head sideways like a puppy, causing Hyunjin to smile at him and coo.

"Cute" he smiled, Felix got pink at the comment causing Hyunjin to let out a brief chuckle. "I came in to get my hairtie back, I'm heading to the studio to practice and lost my other one."

Felix nodded and Hyunjin went toward the door to leave the room.

"Oh wait! Do you mind if I join you?"he asked eagerly.

"Yeah sure. Just hurry, I wanted to be back at a reasonable hour today" he chuckled. Hyunjin had spent one too many late nights at the studio and Chan gave him the stern 'if you don't take care of yourself then you won't be able to dance' talk.

Felix nodded and went toward his closet to change his shirt to a tank. Thankfully he was already wearing sweats but Hyunjin couldn't help but blush and get flustered once Felix so casually removed his shirt while Hyunjin was still in the room.

"I-im gonna go.. get us some waters" he turned and quickly walked out of the room. Han chuckled to himself causing Felix to turn to him with a confused look.

"It's funny seeing him get flustered over you. He reminds me of his own fangirls and it never gets old" Felix blushed at this causing Han to break out in full laughter.

"You ready? What's so funny...?" Hyunjin asked, noticing Han's laughter.

"N-nothing. Let's go." Felix glared at Han and he held his mouth and snickered. Hyunjin just shrugged and took Felix's hand, pulling him toward the door and heading for the studio.