Falling Under

𝟚𝟡. ℝ𝕖𝕦𝕟𝕚𝕠𝕟

Today was Jess's birthday party, my mom had left early yesterday morning for a conference, she'd be back on Sunday. In the afternoon the whole group arrived and helped clear away all the valuables, I just tried to stay out of their way. I was having a bad day. I mean everyday was a bad day at this point.

"Nick, can you help with the kegs and beer please?" Jess asked.

"I thought you said if I didn't live here, I wouldn't be invited, and now you want my help" I said, she didn't say anything.

"Exactly" I said in response to her silence, taking a keg into the backyard. I went back for the other one. I ran into Aaron on the way back. It was so awkward being around all of them. When I knew they were coming over, I'd usually leave. None of them spoke to me. Lily smiled at me, which was nice but she smiles at everyone.

Once everything was ready for the party they all went into the living room, I obviously wasn't welcome, so I went upstairs. I knew Kelly and Ty were leaving before the party. I could hear them all talking.

"Amy, is Lucas coming today?" Jess asked

"Yeah, I think so, I think I managed to convince him." Lucas was coming? I knew they hadn't seen him in a while, I guess he ghosted everyone. I really wanted to apologise to him properly. Last time I saw him, I didn't say the right thing. I knew he wouldn't want to see me but I had to at least try.

"Okay good"

"I'm so annoyed I can't be there, tell him I said hi" Kelly said.

"I will" Jess said. "Is he nervous about coming?"

"Yeah he is, but he'll be okay" Amy said.

"Is Nick coming?" Kelly asked.

"I assume so, I can't really kick him out" she said,

"That's true"

"He's gotten worse recently, him and his new friends, he's been so rude and my mom isn't doing anything about it" Jess said. That was true, but she hadn't been nice to me either.

"I'm not surprised. His new friends are probably influencing him"

"Anyways don't worry about him, it's your party, he's a fucking loser." Kelly said,

"Amen to that"Jess said,

"We should get ready now" Amy said. They were about to come upstairs. I closed my bedroom door. I probably wasn't going to go to the party tonight. I'd just be by myself the whole night, or surrounded by Seth, who'd make jokes at my expense. I did some homework as they got ready in Jess's room and played music and talked.

I honestly felt like shit, I hated this so much. I really missed them. I hated myself for the stupid decision I made, that meant I lost all my friends.

I put my headphones on and listened to music. I held a razor blade between my two fingers and spun it round.

𓇼 ⋆.˚ 𓆝⋆.˚ 𓇼

A few hours had gone by I could hear the music blasting downstairs and people arriving.

I rolled down my sleeve wincing as the polyester brushed past the fresh cuts. I decided to go downstairs after all, I might as well. I squeezed past the people on the stairs and went into the kitchen to get a drink.