When up-and-coming model Isabelle meets talented but jaded photographer Milo, sparks fly despite their age difference. Their romance becomes the talk of the New York City fashion scene, fueling rumors and speculation about their scandalous affair. A...
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It was back to work time. She usually felt okay about coming back to a shoot after taking some time off, but she especially dreaded waking up early the next day. She spent so much time just being that she knew it was gonna kick her ass to get back into the character she had to play as a model.
We all wore masks, she thought.
She thought even with Milo, but Milo did see glimpses of her, especially in the middle of the night. She was calm, her guard was down. She was at home in herself....in his arms...
But now it was Monday night, and she was procrastinating. Scrolling on her phone, her laptop, feet up, occasionally staring out the window into the city skyline.
Her roommates were gone for the week, as chance would have it, on a job in Australia so it was especially quiet.
Last night with Milo was perfect, every night getting better than the last - a phenomenon she still couldn't quite believe herself, and one she was nervous about when would it end...she hoped it wouldn't but all things eventually do....
The other two phenomena that she was even more shocked at were that A) she was able to sleep through the night beside him now! Sometimes in his arms, she had to turn away, but knew he was still there. And B) she was able to orgasm. Yes, both things she was always able to do alone, but having somebody else there throughout it just elevated it all to a whole new level she didn't think was possible but always hoped for.
She felt useless, pacing around her apartment like a caged tiger again. She picked up the overflowing stack of letters that arrived in the past week and stared them down.
One was a bill, one was an ad. One was from her landlord....their lease was coming up for renewal, and they'd have to decide where they were going. And the last one...the last one was that she'd gotten a job. A letter she had t o stare at for a while in mild disbelief. She was both happy ad nervous at the same time. Happy for getting this, and nervous becuase - it wasn't as if she didnt think she was good enough - but she had a nagign feeling that perhaps this was because Milo pulled some strings...only because the photographer on this job as somebody he's worked in the past with and he was his friend...she did her research.
She also knew this is how things got done in this business..any business. But she wanted to feel like she achieved these things on her own terms, if not by herself. She knew nothing gets done by herself, and she worked on getting better at being 'open' to, or at least a bit more so, to other people - as her mother calls it.
She missed her mom, so she decided to pick up the phone and call her, and tell her about the job. It was greeted with congratulations. She kept her suspicions to herself.
It felt like only a minute, since she closed her eyes, that the alarm clock wake-up call at 5:30 am went off.
She woke up to a text from Milo, which made her smile and the wake-up call, just a little bit easier.
It was from 2 hours ago:
Just got home, long shoot. Good luck tomorrow ;) xx
He was referring to her own shoot....it only confirmed her suspicions, but she didn't care anymore. Maybe it was a good thing after all.
She got there on time, early even - she didn't want to make a bad first impression, after all.
She hurried into the studio and scanned the wall of the model photographs. Quickly finding her fae and name, she followed the direction to her dressing and makeup area.
Isabelle was just laying out her makeup bag when something caught her eye in the mirror.
Jake, the photographer - Milo's friend - was leaning against the doorway.
"Nice to finally meet you," he said. He had sandy blonde hair. He was taller but also more lithe, his eyes were very blue. Shocking blue.
"Oh, you caught me by surprise," Isabelle stood up, smoothing the imaginary wrinkles on her skirt, "I'm Isabelle," she held out her hand, but Jake went in for a hug.
"As cliche as it may be, I heard a lot about you," Jake had a friendly smile, and Isabelle didn't know why she was nervous in the first place. She thought of Milo and her heart quickened. Waving off Jake, she shook her head, flattered and a little bit sad.
She missed him so much sometimes, that even when she was with him, she was dreading the end.
The shoot was for a popular brand - Vogue potential type stuff - and the other girls with her alternated between group shots and individual sessions between outfits.
She did her best to put on the persona that they talked about, and even though it started well enough, near the end, Jake kept stopping the shots and asking for adjustments. They had to take a break at one point, and Isabelle got nervous because she couldn't figure out what she was doing wrong.
She was sitting outside, foregoing the cigarette shared by the others, just about to text Milo when Jake came over to her.
He was smoking, but blowing the smoke away from her.
"Hey," he said, and she looked up surprised to see him standing there, "I'm sorry if I'm being a little bit harsh. Just want to make sure we get the shot."
"No, you're right I get it. It's not a problem, just let me know what you want, or if I should be doing something... differently."
He cocked his head to the side, "you're funny," he said taking another drag.
"What do you mean?" Now she really thought she was doing something wrong.
"Nothing. It's just you're so different - in front of the camera and behind. When I'm shooting you it's like your this over-the-edge big persona. But behind the camera...you're really very cute, a little shy. I can see now why Milo likes you."
She felt immediately grossed out. Who did he think he was, deciding what or what she wasn't? She smiled dismissively, but she had the sudden urge to pull away and then punch him.
Suddenly, the shoot manager was calling everyone back in, and she was the first to get up and go inside.
For the rest of the shoot, she did her best to not flinch every time Jake would come up and ask somebody to adjust something on her, or worse - come up and do it himself. And she had to let him - it was part of the job.
On the way home, she was angry. She thought about how different her experience with Milo was - not at all uncomfortable.
When she was in front of his lens, she felt like she was truly being seen for the first time. Like he was looking only at her.
That experience with Jake left her feeling freaked out.
All of a sudden, sitting on the subway, she understood what Milo was trying to protect her from in the first place.
For a second, she took off her rose lenses, and she realized what it must look like to others. Milo and her - the model and the photographer. All of a sudden she felt very stupid. Like a slutty thing being passed around from different sets of hands.
If anyone thought that this would be good for her career - a relatively unknown model with a world famous photographer - she now saw how very wrong she was. People would think they were using each other - were they?
Is that what love is? Using wach ohter each to fill his own, selfish needs.
But she thought she could have loved him if he was anyone else, didn't he see that? Even if others didn't?
And her...all of a sudden she got scared of all the ones that came before.
She wanted to kick herself for being so naive.
When Milo called that evening, she let it ring.
She needed time to think. And she did just that with merlot and a bubble bath.
