When up-and-coming model Isabelle meets talented but jaded photographer Milo, sparks fly despite their age difference. Their romance becomes the talk of the New York City fashion scene, fueling rumors and speculation about their scandalous affair. A...
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That evening she went out with a girlfirend to a wine bar. She was trying to break the melancholy. But instead, she felt exrtremely overwhelmed and overstimulated after spendign two weeks locked away in her apartment.
She was angry at herself, at hte world, at Milo. And it was not getting her anywhere.
She looked around the swanky, wood paneled bar with a bored look on her face.
"Jeez," her firend Harper said, "dont' look so excited to be here," sarcasticaly.
"I'm sorry," Isabelle said smiling, "its just been a rought copuple of weeks."
"That's why were here babse," Harpwer took a sip of her wine, winking at her. "There are so many cute guys here by the way, 2 o'clock."
Harper nodded towards a table in the corner. Typical finance bros blowing their money on the weekend.
But it somehow made Isabelle even more depressed. She was so quietly, loyally, connected ot Milo. And htis break was making her see that in a howle new way.
She thought she saw him everywhere. At the bar, the subway, the street. But it was never him.
She drank her wine staaedily, doing her best to have fun.
When she got home, she remebered what her therapist told her to do.
What would you say to him?
Isabelle had no idea where to start.
She lit up a couple of candles, and she stared at herself in the miroor for a couple of seconds, as if that is where the answer lay.
She sat down in the arm chair, staring at the patterns in the carpet.
She got out her laptop, and closed her eyes. Opening them, she blinked at the screen, and started typing.
I like you too, Milo. Of course I like you. At first, I didn't know how to react to somebdoy who wasn't afraid to show me that they liked me. When you said you wanted to be together, that's all I wanted to. I just didn't know how to react to such a proclamation. I was so used to thinking of love as this explosive bomb. Where it had to be dramatic, and painful, and one sided even, and overall hushed. Quiet. But I can no longer keep all these things that I'm feeling quiet, because they are so loud in my chest, and in my head. I lost my vocie. And the only way I could ever find it was htorugh my art. But art is futile when it doesnt matter, when I can't translate it to hwat really matters. Meaning connections and realtioships. And it causes me so much pain, to not be able to express what I am feeling, truly. And I am so afraid of letting you know htat I want yo utoo. I am afraid of my feelings, I am afraid of yours. I am aftaid of losing. Though I told you to be brave, to take love for what it is, when it presents itself for it is so rare, even if it does not last forever. I am mute, but I need to find my voice. I am also afraid of waht other may htink. Which is also so dumb. Because, I told you to not be afraid. You left me, I letft you, I created an out. You said that even if we never speak to each other again, youll think of me every day. Well I think of you everyday. And it is disquieting, dis-heartening. What if I also wanted to be your girflriend? What if I said I liked you? Do I lose? Or did I already lose but not even trying. Love is a zero sum game. We either both lose or both win, so I don't even know what I 'm going for or after here. I don't know how to break this fear. And I'm afraid of commiting, I'm afraid of locking myself into a prison. But I'm also afraid of losing you......
And now....what would I say now? I'm leanring photographhy becuaswe of you. Because it makes me feel csoer to you. I have his crazy dream that we'll meet again in the future, and I'll surpuise and delihgt oyu wiht all the knowledge that I have. Will it ever happen like that? Do you still think aobut me? Does it hurt? Do I even want this? And why do I keep hanign on to it if no?
I don't know.
I never know!!
And you always tell me to stop saying that.
And I wonder if we would have been jappy together - if we could be happy.
What's stopping me........................who left who/ is it too late does it even matter and how it all crashed in the end.
I still think about you too.
I'm sorry I couldn't let you know how I felt about you. Fear is contagious, bt oyu know the only thing thats stronger?
