Splash

1 • in which myles drowns in self-pity

Hope you guys like it.

It's been 5 days since it happened.

It's been 5 days since I felt like my heart was ripped out of my chest and stamped on repeatedly by spiked cleats. In reality, I shouldn't be this upset that Riley Campbell and Max Carter, the world's seemingly most perfect couple, finally got together because I was never in a relationship with her.

But I was irrevocably in love with her.

I know what you're thinking, if you were really that in love with her, why wouldn't you have asked her out earlier?

Because I'm a pussy, that's why.

After all, if I didn't have the balls to ask her out in the first place, I shouldn't be mad that someone actually did, right? In a perfect world, I would understand that and move on with my life instead of drowning myself in self-pity.

I think you can guess which one I chose.

This was going to be a great summer.

It's not that I thought that I would never find happiness again, I mean, after all, Riley is still one of my closest friends and as much as I hate to admit it, Max is a pretty stand-up guy. People are even calling them the golden couple.

Excuse me while I go barf somewhere.

But I just don't know how I can ever find a girl to love more than I loved Riley.

I know Riley knows I like her. I'm pretty sure she knows the basic extent as to how much I like her. I think she's known that I like her for a long time. She's always been trying to set me up with dates for dances and to go out with her friends from other schools and even with her friends from Cardiff, just so she doesn't feel that bad about not liking me back. I feel like a fucking middle school nerd that has a crush on the popular girl.

All the girls at Cardiff High are the same (not really, because a lot of them are some of the coolest girls I know and some of my best friends). Still, none of them capture my attention in the same way that Riley did and still does. None of them make my heart flutter whenever they laugh, or make me smile simply by playing with the piece of hair that always gets in their face. Or by being so kind and gentle yet totally fierce at the same time.

Oh God, I was whipped for another guy's girlfriend.

Girlfriend. The word is so foreign to me. Sure, I've had minor flings and brief relationships, but none of them had ever made me really feel in love. Like my whole world revolved around one person. Like there was nobody who could ever diminish my love for that one girl. At first, I thought I had met my match in Riley.

But clearly, I was very, very, wrong.

I still believe that what I felt for Riley was love, though, don't get me wrong. I know that what I felt for her was so strong, it has to be love. I know what I want love to be--I know that I want one person to be my rock, my other half, someone that has things in common with me but still challenges me to step outside my comfort zone, someone who makes me want to be better for them. Those are my goals for love, and I so desperately wanted Riley to be the one to help me reach them. But now she's off, reaching someone else's love goals.

Aw shit, how pathetic can I get?

I know I have to put myself out there again--my best friend Noah Davidson was the world's most notorious player until his girlfriend, Ryann, came into his life and completely tamed him. At first, he didn't even notice her. He had no idea who she was. Ryann was totally into the guy, and they met in Chemistry class sophomore year. They became super good friends soon enough, though, even though he was such an ass. He dated and slept with a ton of girls, and I mean a ton, until he finally came to his senses and realized he felt the same way. Now, oh my God, you should see the guy. I almost peed my pants of laughter when she was sick and asked him to bring her tea. He couldn't figure out how to boil the water because apparently "tea from Starbucks isn't good enough for my little Ry Ry." She almost strangled him when he showed up to her house with a mug and tea bags and asked her to teach him how to make it. Oh, the memories.

Anyway,

Basically, I either see all the girls at our school as complete bimbos, or too good of friends to make it feel natural doing anything else. Unless some new, beautiful, smart, kind, girl transfers to Cardiff and we just happen to fall in love this year, I might just leave high school as the "most likely to be third-wheeling."

Yeah, right.

Sure, there are some complete babes at our school that have it all, but let's list the reasons why it wouldn't work out between us.

Riley Campbell- I'm not even going to start.

Siena Hansen- My best girl friend since 2nd grade.

Lindsey Braddych- My friend Luke's girl, or more like soulmate.

Paige Morgan- Taken by one of my best friends, and she's also Gigi Hess's cousin. Don't know who Gigi Hess is? Don't worry, you will.

Need I say more?

I so wasn't ready to take on summer and senior year knowing that the one girl I want is now unavailable. The thing is, I just haven't looked at a girl the same since Riley. Every girl I see is either too fake, too blunt, too boring, too wild, too tall, too short, too blonde, too brunette, too much makeup, doesn't care, too unapproachable, too approachable, too smart, too dumb. The flaws just never end. The people that you would go out with are usually taken, and even if they break up, you're probably good friends with the guy, so you feel weird going out with your friend's ex. And the thing about living somewhere like Cardiff is the fact that you've known everybody since you were 6 years old. That means you probably thought they had cooties when they were 8. That means you've probably seen them do some weird shit. There's never anyone new to make life interesting. All I want is to feel something special, something different, for someone to come into my life that makes me feel like I have a purpose, like my purpose is to be with this one person and that is all that should matter to me. After Riley and Max got together, I thought that I would never find that. I thought that I would never find anyone that I believed was as beautiful as Riley, as funny, as kind, as gentle, or as perfect for me.

That was the case, until September 4th, 2016.

The day she walked into my life and, little did I know, my heart became her new home.

Picture of Myles to the side!