Splash

18 • in which serena gets her heart broken

Hope you guys like it.

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry.

Two words.

Two words that we say all the time.

We throw them around so much they're almost meaningless. Like we say "I'm sorry" when we accidentally bump into someone in the hallway, or if we forget to text our parents where we're going, or if we stand in front of someone's locker.

We say those two words all the time, so when do we really mean it?

• • •

It was 6:33, and I was still curled up in a ball, crying on the couch.

Shortly after Myles had left, my mother walked into the room.

"I thought I heard Myles, what was he doing here?" She began to ask me, but she saw my red, tear-rimmed eyes and immediately her brows furrowed in concern.

"Honey, what's wrong?" She sat down next to me.

"M-Myles, h-he broke up with m-me," I choked it out, and she let out a soft breath.

"Oh, honey, I'm sorry," she wrapped her arms around my frame, and immediately I let my tears fall all over her sweater.

"We don't have to go out tonight," she assured me. I felt awful. First Myles, and now I have to go and ruin my mom's birthday.

I pulled away from her, and cringed when I saw the tear stains I left on her clothes. I gently wiped under my eyes to try to salvage my already-ruined makeup. "Mom, no, it's fine, I don't want to ruin tonight--" I tried to protest but she cut me off.

"Serena, I'll be fine. I've had dozens of these, I don't need to go out to a fancy dinner to be happy. All I need is for my beautiful daughter to be happy, which she isn't, so I'm going to stay right here and take care of you. Now, tell me everything."

I really fucking loved my mom.

So I told her everything. She already knew basically how Myles and I got together, but not the details about all the bumps leading up to it. And then I told her how he just showed up randomly and broke up with me, and I felt like crying all over again.

My mom sighed as I leaned my head on her chest and she stroked my hair. "You know, honey, boys are stupid. They're dumb, and sometimes they don't know what they want until it's gone, and they don't know what they need until it's too late. Myles is a sweet boy, I just think that maybe with a little distance, you both can get some perspective. If he wants to be with you, he will come to you. You don't need Myles to make you happy, or any boy, for that matter. You're going to end up with the love of your life, and I don't know who that's gonna be, but I know that he will find you. And you might have to go through some heartbreak right now, and it sucks, but just think of it as being one step closer to finding the rest of your life."

I let her words sink in. I knew that she was right, but I still just felt so shitty. I started doubting everything that we had done together, all the deep conversations, the romantic dates. And I started to wonder if any of it meant nearly as much to him as it did to me.

• • •

My mom and I stayed up until midnight that night, watching movies on Netflix and eating kettle corn.

After she fell asleep during Love, Actually, I quietly made my way upstairs to my room.

I just laid there for a while, wide awake yet insanely exhausted, thinking about him. I knew it wasn't good for me and I shouldn't, but I couldn't stop thinking about him. My heart ached to think of him, his soft hair, sharp jawline, and of course, those blue eyes that pierced into my soul and made me open my heart.