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22 • in which serena is happy

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Happiness is relative.

Happiness can mean getting a good grade on a test you thought you bombed, or celebrating a birthday with loved ones, or singing along to a song in a car with your best friends.

But this happiness, the one that I was feeling now, is completely unparalleled to anything I've ever experienced before in my life.

It was the second week of summer break. It was sunset, and I was sitting on the beach with Myles, positioned in between his legs, laying back into his chest. The back of my head nestled into the crook of his neck, his arms wrapped around my waist, his fingers rubbing the skin exposed from his sweatshirt riding up. I was wearing his sweatshirt and bikini bottoms, he was just in a plain tee and board shorts, and we had just finished eating sushi and drinking slurpees from the 7/11 down the street.

I thought about this whole year and the moments with him that made me the happiest. The first day of school when we locked eyes, but didn't speak. Ryan's block party, arguably one of the best nights of my life, when we talked for the first time. Myles teaching me how to surf, when we almost kissed. Meeting his grandfather. The Del Mar fair, when we walked around together all night. New Years' Eve, when he finally kissed me. When he showed up at my house with flowers and asked me out on a date. Our first date, the best date I have ever been on, hands down. Myles asking me to be his girlfriend the first time. Myles asking me to be his girlfriend the second time. Senior Prom. Telling Myles I loved him. Myles surprising me at my graduation party by telling me he was going to Ohio State. Myles telling me he loved me. All our beach dates in between.

I thought of all the bumps in the road that we've overcome. Myles' unresolved feelings for Riley. Keller asking me out. Myles telling me he just wanted to be friends. Halloween night, when he rejected me. When he broke my heart. When I told him I loved him, but he didn't say it back. The fear of not knowing if we would make it after graduation.

But we did.

And we're finally here.

And I wouldn't trade it for the world.

Moving to California was a risk. It was scary, and I wasn't always a fan of the idea. But Cardiff changed my life in ways I would've never expected. It gave me the most incredible friends I could ask for, a beautiful new place to call my home, and the boy of my dreams.

Senior year pushed me in ways I never saw coming. It showed me who my true friends are, taught me to be who I am without any limitations, and to step out of my comfort zone. It taught me that sometimes the biggest leap of faith, no matter how scary, is the most rewarding.

My reward was falling in love with an amazing guy.

He wasn't perfect by any means. He was stubborn, he overthinks everything, he's too cautious. He listens to his head more than his heart, and he cares so deeply for the people in his life that it sometimes gets him in trouble.

But all of those things are what made Myles, Myles.

I wouldn't want him any other way. I want the strong willed, selfless, kind, intelligent guy that I talked to so many months ago on that kitchen counter.

• • •

"Penny for your thoughts?" Myles startled me. He looked down to see me staring off in to space.

I smiled up at him playfully. "Just thinking about how lucky I am to have found you."

His expression softened. "I love you, Serena Rose. I can't imagine how I ever lived without you."

"Myles," I breathed. Even though it may not seem like it, he was insanely romantic. He never failed to take my breath away with his words. One of the things I loved the most about him was that when he loved, he loved so fiercely. It was visible in his eyes. The way that his looked into mine, the way that he said my name so tenderly, how with every kiss or touch, he tried to tell me just how much he loved me.

I imagined what my life would've been like I had never met Myles. Maybe I would be going out with Keller, or Ryan, or any other guy. Maybe I would be single, and I'd be sitting here with my girlfriends. I certainly wouldn't be the same person I am now.

Before I met Myles, before I moved to Cardiff, I thought I was happy. I thought I knew what best friends were supposed to be like, I thought I knew what it was like to be asked on a date. I thought I had seen all there is to see in the amount of commitment and trust between two people in a relationship this young.

But everything that I thought I had experienced before, was nothing compared to the people I met here.

My best friends were something else. They were there for me, through thick and thin, never once complaining about listening to my problems or abandoning me when times were tough. They were kind, fiercely loyal, funny, beautiful, everything a girl could want in her best friends.

Cardiff was special. It was a place that taught me to grow into my own self, to be confident in who I was, what I stood for. It may have not been where I grew up, but it was my home. It held a certain magic to it. When I stepped on the beach, watched the California sunset, felt the ocean breeze, I was truly, truly happy.

I turned around and sat facing Myles, my legs folded Indian style in between his legs.

"Thank you for showing me what it's like to be loved," I told him softly.

His stunning blue eyes smoldered and softened. "Thank you for making it so easy to love you." He said back, and my heart melted.

As he leaned in to kiss me, almost like second nature to him, my heart started pounding, fast. It was one of the things that I loved about being around Myles--I always felt that same giddy schoolgirl crush, no matter how much time I spent with him or how many times he kissed me.

His lips moved in sync with mine, molding to each other like they were made for one another. His hands skimmed my waist and gently gripped my hips where my bikini bottoms rode low, and my fingers tangled into his soft brown hair, lightened by days out in the summer sun.

We didn't always have these super serious, lovey-dovey conversations. We teased each other constantly, did stupid things together, and always had a good time. But what was special about our relationship was how we could be joking one second, and talking about the meaning of life the next.

To an outsider, our position would have looked extremely intimate, like two lovers who were having a special moment. But this was just us. This is what we were like, this is who we were. This is just Serena and Myles, Myles and Serena.

I always wondered about whether or not I would find "the one." I always wondered whether love at first sight was a fluke or a reality. I thought about if true love, one that would last a lifetime, existed.

Myles made me a different kind of happy. He completely changed my life, changed me, made me happier than I've ever been. I didn't know that a love so deep, so tender, so passionate, was real.

I didn't know what the future held for us. I didn't know where we would be in 10 years, 5 years, 1 year, 6 months. I didn't want to have to worry about the future, though. I wanted to live in the present, in the now.

And right here, right now, in the arms of this boy whom I loved more than life itself, is right where I'm supposed to be.