inreal's ramblings about ADFB

(01.05.24) 4am rambling, 24 finally soon

Less busy than before and my burnout burning out (heh) I'm actually motivated to work on ADFB 24

Shouldn't take too long, it's almost done anyways

You know what I'm a bit anxious about? Chapter lengths, holy shit chapter lengths, I'm scared ADFB will become large and dense, It takes me little effort to reach 8k words and beyond. I went from writing as much as I can and extending the episode as much as possible to impress myself i guess, to having to CUT scenes so the chapters arent 11k

I think a bit of the anxiety i got from finishing ADFB 24, in part, was due to the fact that the chapter is like 8 thousand words yet no end is in sight, it's gonna end up 10k or so even though there's nothing special about the chapter, it scares me that the chapters are long and boring, or that the book is too dense to get through

I researched today and apparently, by ADFB 25, this fanfic will be longer than the first Lord of The Rings book (184k words i thinl), damn shawty... but it kinda made me realize that it doesn't really matter if you have a super long story, what matters is if the words were wasted

Apparently there are a lot of novels that are over 360k words (The estimated end result of ADFB) including Lord of The Rings! So... Idk why, that made me much more calm about this random anxiety, I guess? I know for sure not a single word is wasted in modern ADFB, I know because I've been rereading lately, which i do after hiatuses

Jesus man, the latter chapters, they're a delight, the run from 20-24 is so good, the pacing is... *chef's kiss*

And I HAVE to give myself some credit here, or I'll perish to my own anxieties and insecurities, I left ADFB 24 in the dust partly to focus on my studies but also because I convinced myself that my work just wasn't that good, that's clearly not the case

I know what I'm doing is good and I've realized as I reread it, it entertained myself as well as any TPOT episode has, if not more, it genuinely surprised me how well i balance between chill and dramatic moments, with the right pinch of comedy (but man, there's a lot of references)

So yeah, I already restarted progress on ADFB 24 after months, and I know myself, when I get into this mood I know I'm capable of rolling out the chapter in a few days, which is why i put myself a deadline in my status update a few days ago, a very non-restrictive deadline that is, I believe I can release it before then, but I've learned my lesson

Talking about deadlines, i think the 4 year anniversary deadline i put on myself a few months ago seriously stressed me out, after missing it twice that was the breaking point for me, I'm really not sure how to tackle my productivity issues anymore, I've tried many tricks I found and I simply can't push through, it's just a matter of if I'm in the mood for this or for another hobby, really, I wish I could control it

...dude, maybe I've got ADHD, idk, that sounds like something someone with ADHD would say, it hits me, but I'm not sure, I don't completely align with the usual ADHD people I see... but they do say it's a spectrum...

Idk man, don't like to think about that

i think im kinda gonna regret releasing 4am thoughts into the public when i wake up later today, but whatever, gotta get it out!!

erm, anyways, now I'd like to shout into the void more positive things

and thing is that this following portion of ADFB is just an obstacle between me and the story i really wanna tell, and it's not like i think the status quo isn't fun, but the plotline i finally kickstarted for real in ADFB 22 (The four files) is something I've been looking forwards to get deeper on for YEARS

once we finally hit the spot, I might reach my prime, I want to write that plot so badly! I finally want to get into it and share the REAL story that I've been cooking up for a long time now

I literally have a huge ass note in my phone that ive written like 2 years ago outlining the entire plot from start to finish, I can't yap a single thing, it'd ruin it, but the good thing about the hiatuses is that this idea has been developing in the back ground while ADFB gets ready to reach the point where I can tell it

In a way I guess you could say the idea has really matured since its inception in my head (All the way back on ADFB 2) it had time to be refined and have more ideas stacked on top of it, if there's something I'm seriously motivated to do it finally put it on paper (or on keyboard, i guess) and share it with yall

The buildup to everything is gonna take a few more chapters, but when we get there... oh boy, i really hope my brain doesn't get bored of it

am i even making any sense

i hope so

anyways gotta sleep, ill write when i wake up...