The Hangover II || Phil Wenneck

8. Love, Marriage, And The Meaning Of Life

We were in a van, heading over to the monastery with the old man. Phil was taking a sip from a bottle of water, before he turned to me and offered the bottle to me. I thanked him and took a sip, handing it back to him. "Okay, look, can we just go over this one more time? You got the beer from...?" Stu trailed off, waiting for Phil to finish his sentence.

"The hotel bar. They gave me a sealed case." Phil assure him. "Right. But who gave it to you?" Stu questioned, desperate to find out how our memory from last night was erased again. "The bartender." Phil quickly replied.

"Right. Okay. And then you brought 'em out and I opened 'em." Stu said pointing to himself, as Phil nodded. "It couldn't have been the beer. Doug had one, so did Felix and Bella and they were fine." I told Stu, as Phil hummed in agreement.

"What the hell happened?" Stu asked, frustrated, as I sighed and shrugged. "I have no idea." Phil replied, as Alan put a water bottle under the blanket which was over the old man's lap, making it look like he had a boner.

"Hey, guys. Check it out, he's got a Chinese boner." Alan joked, laughing.

"Alan, leave the poor man alone." I coughed, trying to hold back a small chuckle. "Alan, come on. Cut it out." Stu scolded, as the monkey jumped off of Phil and onto the old man's lap, as the monkey began nibbling the water bottle, causing Alan to laugh harder and Phil, Stu and I to start chuckling, soon followed by everyone on the coach laughing.

"The monkey is a pervert!" Alan laughed, as we all laughed. "Come on, that is so wrong." Stu said, although he was still smiling and laughing. "Hey, don't stop, monkey. Keep doin' it." Alan told the monkey, as everyone continued laughing, including the old man.

"When a monkey nibbles on a penis, it's funny in any language!" Alan declared, as the laughter continued. "Oh, keep doing it!"

***

We got off the coach at the monastery, and Phil paid and thanked the driver. "We good?" He turned to ask us. "Bye, Shannon! Bye, lil Wayne!" Alan shouted over, waving, before we walked inside the gates of the monastery.

"Wow." Phil looked around. "It's so beautiful." Stu commented. "What is this, a P.F. Chang's?" Alan asked, and I sighed and shook my head. "Ah, they're meditating." He realised.

"Such a peaceful people." Stu observed, Phil agreeing, as we continued walking over to people who were currently meditating.
"KNOCK, KNOCK! HELLO?!" Alan yelled over, causing everyone to turn their heads.

"Alan, Alan, show some respect! Don't get up, guys." Phil assured them. "We brought one of your guys back! He's really funny. He's really nice and cool!" Alan stated, loudly, as I rolled my eyes. "Alan! You don't need to be so loud!" I whisper-yelled, as the man at the front stood up and walked over with a stick in his hand.

"Hi, how you doin'? Uh, are you the one in charge?" Phil asked, before a second later he was hit in the nose with the man's stick, grunting and toppling over, as I gasped. "Hey! What the f–" I was about to yell, before I got hit in the face with the stick, and fell down, grunting.

"Hey! Don't hit my girlfriend again!" Phil yelled, before he got whacked on the head again.
"Hey!" Alan whine, getting hit with the stick. "OW!""Excuse me—" Stu tried to reason with him, before he got hit next. "Wait! Oh, fuck!" He exclaimed, as Phil and I stood up.

"Just calm down!" Phil pleaded, holding his face, before his got hit on his back, dropping down to his knees. I soon caught on to what was happening, we were getting hit because we were talking. I placed my finger over my lips and started shushing them, Stu looking over to me. "Hold on! It's because we– we're talking!" Stu exclaimed, as he continued getting hit, and I rolled my eyes. "Stop talking! GODDAMN IT! DON'T! STOP! WAIT! ITS ME! STOP HITTING ME!" Stu shrieked, and I was struggling to hold my laughter in.