A Valley of Shattered Hearts

Chapter 5

Chapter song - Soldier, Poet, King by The Oh Hellos

The other girls always looked so collected, emerald blouse, black skirt, black tights. I stood there in my band t-shirt with a gray sweatshirt that gung over my shoulders.

"Bad one?" Evans asked.

"It wasn't that bad," I mumble.

I'm sure you can hear the fear in my voice, my hands shake, overpowering my thoughts. I always hated to be the center of attention. 'I guess I'm not a Wren anymore', I think to myself. I don't quite know how the nightmares started, it wasn't particularly easy either. It was all random too, I would awake, late at night, not really knowing what had happened. I lied about it too. I used to say 'I'm sorry' every time it happened. It got really bad last winter. I was even taken to the doctors. They didn't really say all that much to me, they just- listened or did whatever you'd like to call it. I stayed in bed for weeks because I was afraid to do anything else. Of course it opened a web of lies or what the President called a discussion. She continued to berate me for not listening and well- that's what caused my anxiety. I was alright, I got medication, which- improved other things for a bit. I started talking to Ruby more, which opened a variety of risk-taking. It was before she used a curse on me, she started acting like nothing happened and was opinionless on the subject. I pretended not to care as I assumed she did the same, I still find it hard to believe that she'd actually feel bad about something. She never has, not when you're people like them. Even though I'm starting to believe that I complain, it could just be internalized.

"Ready?" Evans asks, extending the y.

I nod, reaching down, pulling my brown bag from the floor. I pack a book that I'm probably not going to read along with a little squid. I should've brought more money, I know that. I also didn't know what was going to happen in town that day.

I brush my fingertips past the velvet fabric on the couch in the common room. Drip, drip, drip, the ceiling says.

I kneel down to the puddle and tap, tap, tap. The water pools further into the room. It creates an almost whirlpool, the water morphing into spirals. I think it's like me, I don't really know how to explain it, but I wonder if it could be a sign. Maybe I really am meant to leave this place.

I place my hand over the water, noticing it doesn't move this time.

"Are we done here?"

I look up, then back, the water's gone.

"Um- yeah, let's go," I say, collecting my things.

"Are you okay?" Evans asks.

"Of course- yeah."

Evans nods, then we continue walking down the long hallway.

It gets colder each day. Or maybe I get lonelier each day, "this way?" I ask, pointing to the very room I saw in my dream.

Evans points in the direction we're walking in.

"Why?" His face changes to a much more serious expression.

"Have you ever been here before?"

I shake my head, "not really."

I don't think Evans believed me, but I didn't really care. I walked, my feet trading, hitting the cold wood at each step. I cautiously looked behind me. I knew I wasn't being watched, but I couldn't shake the feeling that I was.

The whole day went on like that too. Staring, hiding, watching. I wanted to say that I didn't feel safe here anymore. Maybe they would let me go home and tell everyone I'm ill. They wouldn't be wrong. I am technically qualified, that's what the doctors said anyway.