A Valley of Shattered Hearts

Chapter 24

Chapter song - Test Drive - From How To Train Your Dragon by John Powell

"So... how is life on the other side?"

"Is it treating you well?" The girl asks once again.

"Relatively," I try my hardest to speak quietly, not wanting anyone else to hear us.

"Relatively-" She repeats, "What is relatively supposed to mean?"

"It means I'm doing quite fine, you know, handling the-" I wave my hand around, "Events."

She nods, "If I were you, I would have ran away about now, but to clarify, I hope you don't."

"I don't want to end up like my father, do I?"

"I don't want to be on the papers as a missing kid or a felon on the run."

"Though I'd like to think I'm past that."

She shrugs, "I'd like to think lots of things, but you can't change the past- or the present I suppose."

"The future is different." She states, "I'd like to think, the future isn't my fault."

"And the past and present is?"

"Maybe not completely," she says, "but I wouldn't disagree."

"Fault is a hard thing to think about really, it doesn't matter what led you here and who you are but it matters what if you continue."

"Continue this life and everything that falls in between."

The girl was right, maybe she was trying to make me feel better, but that didn't change the past or the present. It was almost as if she was trying to save me, maybe it was too late, maybe even for herself, but I wasn't about to leave anyone behind. Not ever again. This time, I could tell something was going to be different. It had to be. I wasn't a quitter- well not generally anyway.

Whether it was fair or not wasn't a question. I could step up, become a leader, but at what cost? How far would I go for my family? If I could even call them that. One thing was for sure, I had to pick and choose, despite not knowing the right answer, I had to make it work. Somehow.

*

Of course, there was the chance I could forget. But what would be the point of that anyway. I had already been through too much and gone so far for that to be a possibility. But part of me wanted to sit down and help my so-called enemy though I was already going to take down my father, one way or another. So I tried to forget that too. Not be on either side of the spectrum because maybe it was just too painful to endure this time.

Deep down, I knew I wasn't stupid, I was utterly fucked. I have been stuck all of my life and when I finally get unstuck, I'm unsure. Of course, it made sense, I was always indecisive, which made it safer depending how you look at it. But I wasn't ready to tell the truth just yet. I couldn't, telling myself anything but...that was the route I had to take. Or else nothing mattered, it was all for nothing, and I really was just a failure.

The wait for my next meeting with the chosen one was god awful, I didn't know how I was going to convince him, if I even wanted to convince him that I could change. And I knew change wouldn't take back my actions and make everything better. I could never look at Albus or Scorpius again or even myself in the mirror. The day would come and when it did, it was going to be worse than anything I've ever experienced. Because I knew I couldn't trick them with any of my games again. I couldn't sit there and lie about the prophecy and how it changed me to hurt, to manipulate, to kill. It wasn't me and I think the world's going to know that now.

I'm appreciative that I had a second chance, not a lot to do when it comes to people like me or people with a record like me. It was quite interesting when you think about it, but all I could do was wait until I run away again.