Under The Casket Of Hatred And Oppression

039

Loneliness

In the beginning, I was cool and rude.

People constantly come and go; it's never new to me.
I craved love, care, and attention that I hadn't yet felt before.

I've tried my hardest to seek it anywhere but have found nothing. They all go to their desired places, leaving me behind.

I'm such a fool, waiting for them to come again even though it's crystal clear, it's improbable.

So I changed myself for the better; I became calmer and quieter. They stomped me hard, ran all over me, and walked towards me yet again, leaving me lonely.

So I started to talk, I started to joke, they started to be around me, and I started to cloak.
I'm in front of some prestigious people trying to fit in, and yet again, loneliness was all that was left.

So I started dressing better, I started to feel myself, and I started to open up about uncommon things in me.
Now they looked at me and judged me like they knew me. So yet again, loneliness was all that was left.

But I found some people who made me feel more. People who are closer to my heart and then stomped on me more.

It's badly painful when you're betrayed by the people you thought were the fillers of your longings, who will fill the void in spite of the uncertainties.

Now I dress fine, now I talk okay, and now I joke a little, neither to make them stay nor to be accepted by the society.

Since then, I have already learned my lesson.

I know they will stomp on me too because it happened to me a long time ago.
Until now, I'm still waiting and preparing for when the time comes. I am ready because, with all that has been, loneliness is what I am supposed to be left with at the end.