Autumn is a second spring

18. Confess

"He fucking laughed at me! That bloody bastard!" Prem slammed the beer mug on the table.

"Dude, don't break my glass! It is innocent!" Fluke said tentatively observing the crystal glass to see if it had any cracks.

"You love your glass more than me?" Prem asked with an unbelievable expression as he pointed at himself. "You all are the same!"

Fluke hissed. "I really don't understand what happened that pissed you off to this extent."

Prem glared at his friend. He had come over to meet Fluke, hoping the latter would make him feel better. But his friend was doing the exact opposite- pissing him off.

"Tell me what is bothering you first before smashing my glass." Fluke had a gut feeling that Prem was reacting like this. "And for god's sake, stop drinking. Don't you have to go home, tonight?"

"No! I am not going anywhere! I am staying here!" Prem declared. He stood up and directly headed to the huge couch and lay down.

Fluke shook his head in resignation and went over to his friend. "Prem, are you okay?"

Prem sat up "Do I look like I am okay?"

"No, you don't. That's why I am asking you what happened." Fluke answered patiently.

Prem went silent for some time. After a few minutes, he spoke in a low tone "I feel like Hia doesn't take me seriously. I was seriously trying to talk things out with him this morning and he just laughed it off, calling me cute and stuff. I don't get why he is unable to understand my insecurities."

He forcefully rubbed his face.  "I Just don't know if he... just... I don't know Fluke. I am tired of living in this vague relationship. I really want him to acknowledge my insecurities."

Fluke nodded slowly understanding the situation. "Prem, will you answer me honestly if I ask you something?"

"Just ask, idiot! When have I hidden something from you?"

"Why can't you ask P' Boun to be your boyfriend yourself? Why do you want him to be the one doing it?"

"Because I don't want to pressurise him, Fluke. I don't~"

"Stop. Stop it right there. Don't get started with P' Boun being a playboy in the past now. You know better than me that P' Boun is not the person used to be. He no longer goes bar hopping like he used to nor does he indulge himself in any kind of things he used to do in the past. So, what makes you think that asking him to be your boyfriend would be pressurising him? "

"I~" Prem couldn't come up with an answer.

"You two have already confessed your feelings for each other a long ago. You have been living together, raising a kid and a puppy and can practically be called a family. What is stopping you from making things official between you two?"

Fluke waited for Prem to explain it to him as he couldn't comprehend what was going on between the two of them. But he got no reply.

"What if P' Boun also thinks the same way as you? He has even more reason for feeling that asking you to make things official may be pressuring you as he has Bew under his wing. He must be considering the fact that you will have to raise a kid who has nothing to do with you."

"But I am already raising him, Fluke! Bew is my son too! I admit that I am not related to him, but I love him! I love him as much as I would love my biological son! And nothing is going to change that!"

Fluke observed his friend for a few seconds, making sure that the latter wasn't bluffing as an after-effect of having too much alcohol in his system. "Then propose to your Hia and make him your boyfriend."

Prem bit his lower lip and went silent again.

"What is it now?" Fluke asked.

"I- I don't him to be my boyfriend" Prem answered.

"Then, what the fuck do you want, Bub?" 

"I want him to be my..." Prem lowered his head and said in a small voice "Husband"

"What?"

"I want him to be my husband!" Prem yelled. "Husband! You hear me? Husband!"

"Woah!" Fluke was surprised by the outburst. "Why are you yelling at me for!?"

"Argh!" Prem groaned. "This is so frustrating."

"What is so frustrating?" Fluke asked innocently. He was truly lost.

"You know if I become Hia's boyfriend. I would still be an outsider in Bew's life. That is why I want to marry Hia. So that I can be part of both their lives."

"Still not understanding what is so frustrating about the whole scene here. Just get a ring and ask your Hia to marry you. I don't think he will say no" 

Prem stared at his friend with a dumbfounded expression.

"What?"

"I am being serious here, Fluke!"

"So am I!!! Are you going to wait till your hair turns grey to propose to him or something? One of you will have to take the first step. Why can't it be you, Bub?"

Prem breathed out heavily "I don't know Fluke. I really don't know."

"Look Bub, take me and P' Ohm for example. P' Ohm is a very difficult person to make conversations with. He barely speaks up about anything. There were times when I had to observe each and every micro-expression on his face to know what he was thinking. 

You know once he told me that if that day, if I hadn't shown the courage to confess my feelings to him first, we both might not have ended up together!

Similarly, if you keep overthinking and withdrawing yourself further in this relationship, you might never be able to take it to the next stage.

So, instead of waiting, be brave and take action, Bub."

"What if Hia says no? It is also a probability and you can't completely cancel it off!"

"Whether the answer is yes or no, wouldn't it give you a better idea of where you stand? Instead of walking on eggshells as you are doing now, you can make your decisions based on his answers."

"Would it be too early to propose for a marriage? I mean me and Hia, we haven't actually dated"

"Bubbles, first of all, just because you proposed to get married doesn't mean that you have to get married right away. There are a lot of couples that get engaged and wait for a year or two before they get married. 

During this time, they date and get to know more about each other. And trust me Bubbles, the life after being engaged is very different. It will be like you have the responsibility without having the responsibility and that is when you actually find many more things, both pros and cons of your partner. It might either strengthen your bond or weaken it." Fluke explained.

"If P' Boun says no to the marriage proposal and says that he wants some time, then ask him to be your boyfriend. If he says no to that as well, pack your stuff and leave. Because I don't see a future in such a case. There is no use being a sacrificial goat in a relationship in which you will never be acknowledged." 

Fluke saw that his friend was seriously contemplating his suggestion. "Do give it a good thought," He patted Prem's shoulder. "Go to the guest room and sleep. The couch is not comfortable."

The two friends retired to their own rooms. Thanks to the alcohol he consumed Prem fell asleep pretty quickly. Fluke made a call to Boun to let him know that Prem was sleeping over at his place for the night.