Autumn is a second spring

30. Concert

"Do you know how bad Prem felt when you took James with you to Paris to watch the Loop concert?" Ohm questioned. He had no plans of holding back on anything.

He only hoped that his words would penetrate through his cousin's thick skull before it was too late.

"It was him who backed out at the last moment!" Boun retorted. Getting tickets for the Loop concert wasn't an easy feat. As a big fan of the band, he really wanted to go to the concert with Prem.

It had to put in a lot of effort to convince Prem to agree to go to Paris with him leaving the two-year-old Bew with his parents. Yet at the last moment, Prem had to turn him down.

"It was an emergency, Boun! He was so excited to come with you!" Ohm didn't know why Boun was victimising himself. "Still, why did you have to bring James when Prem cancelled on you? Either you could have gone alone or just completely cancelled the trip. Why James?"

"Because James is a big fan of Loop just like me! We have a lot in common, Ohm. That's why we click. There is no more meaning to it. Moreover, what's the big deal if I bring James along? It's not like Prem likes Loop anyway." Boun reasoned.

"Prem doesn't like kids either, Boun. Yet, he is still helping you raise Bew" Kao growled. "Do you think that raising a kid by yourself would have been easy? Do you think that you could have managed it without him?"

Kao sneered at Boun's expression "You couldn't have Boun. Back then, you couldn't even take care of yourself much less take responsibility for a baby. It was he who handled a distorted you as well as Bew at the same time. He accompanied you to your psychiatrist. He made sure you took care of yourself, that you ate on time, and slept on time. He stabilised your bloody life, Boun! So be thankful."

Boun's face was glum "I-I did it out of spite."

"What!?"

"I did it on purpose, okay! He cancelled on me because of Christ that day. You all know that that bastard is courting Pao. I told him several times to stay away from Christ. Still, he never listens." Boun tapped his shoes. "He is not the only one who feels insecure in this relationship alright! I do too! I know he has done a lot for me and I..."

Boun broke down crying. Both Kao and Ohm were shocked by the sudden turn of events.

Ohm got from his seat and went to Boun's side. He slowly rubbed his back slowly. "Boun"

"Things haven't been the same between us. We have been pursuing separate careers and we have little to no time to spend with each other. I can feel the rift growing between us and I and completely clueless about how to fill it up. Every time I try doing something, it always ends up giving the opposite effect I wanted." Boun expressed.

"I often feel like I have nothing to offer him. I hate that I am the weak one in the relationship. I hate that I burden Pao with my issues. First, it was my family issues, then came my mental health and in the end I stupidly added another burden to his shoulders by adopting Bew even without consulting him." Boun started pouring out his heart.

"Boun, trust me. Prem doesn't consider Bew as a burden. He loves Bew as his own son." Ohm reassured him.

"But that only makes me feel guiltier towards him, Ohm. A part of me feels that he would be way happier without me in his life. I feel like I should set him free. But I can't even imagine him going away from me, Ohm. I don't think I will be able to take it if he ever walks out of my life." Boun's voice shook as he spoke.

Ohm glanced at Kao asking him for help. But the latter shook his head telling him to be quiet and let Boun do the talking.

"He has a lot of suitors. Sincere ones. Those people who aren't as messed up as I am. Those that don't have extra baggage with them. Those that can actually give him a way happier life than I ever can." Boun rambled.

"Yet, he chose you, Boun. He chose to be with you knowing everything about you. He made his decision and it is your job to prevent him from ever regretting his decision." Kao said handing a glass of water to Boun.

Boun took the glass but didn't drink it. He held it in his hands gloomily.

"Boun listen. It is okay to be scared. It is okay to feel insecure about your relationship. It really is. We all experience the same at one or the other point of the relationship." Ohm said softly. "Even I feel insecure about myself when it comes to being Fluke's boyfriend. Sometimes I feel that I am not good enough for him, that someone who is cherry and spontaneous like him should have a more outgoing partner. But my Noo always makes me feel assured, Boun and that is because I communicate with him. I don't feel shy if he figures out that I am jealous because I know he will have a hundred ways to tell me that I am the one he wants and I am sure that Prem would too."

"Jealousy, possessiveness, insecurity, all these are all a part of love, Boun. It's also a form of love. You don't have to be scared of it" Kao ruffled his cousin's hair.

"But, Pao had never shown any jealousy before, phi. Even when people flirted with me right in front of him, he wouldn't even show any reaction. It was only when I took James with me to the concert that he told me that he was jealous. It was the first time my Pao was jealous of me"

"Is that why you laughed at his face when he told you that?" Ohm asked.

"I didn't mean to but I was so happy that I couldn't stop smiling."

"Do you know that Prem swore that he was never going to tell you anything like that because you laughed at him that day?" Ohm taunted.

"Huh?"

"Boun, when he told you how he felt, he was expecting you to be compassionate with him not laugh at it like those teenage brats who think messing others' feelings was funny. What he wanted was reassurance, Boun. You made him feel like a clown that day."

"I swear that has never been my intention." Boun himself was bewildered by the revelation.

"That is something you have to tell him, not us." Kao shook his head in disapproval. "Anyway, do you know what is going on with that kid these days? He seems really stressed."

Boun frowned "I don't know, phi. He seemed alright to me when he came home."

"Something is really bothering him, Boun. He even snapped at Sammy some days ago and the two of them had gone on a cold war. Things look alright on the surface but Sammy hadn't been talking to him for weeks." Ohm said as he relaxed a bit. 

"I know he had been taking more jobs recently, but I didn't know anything about the argument with Sammy," Boun answered innocently.

"He was planning on taking a break for a while from his career because he felt that he wasn't able to spend more time with you and Bew but suddenly changed his plans and took up projects filling his schedule to the brim. We were wondering if it had something to do with you."

"Boun, I think you should go home and talk to him. Maybe something is really bothering me." Kao said seeing that Boun was clueless about the matter. "Neither Earth normal the other two are two are telling me what is going on. So you better step up, now."