Missing Your Chances (phan)

Chapter 8 {EDITED}

Dan sighed, still in the middle of his video. He was really nervous, and also a bit sad which was only obvious by the way he looked down to hide his shining eyes. "I really am sorry, though. Please don't hate me!" He shook his head, trying to get those thoughts out of his head. I wish I could yell through the screen how much I love him right now and how I always have. I could never hate him. It's a shame that it took him dying for me to be able to admit that to anyone.

"Also, I want you to know about some of my possessions. I told my parents about the things that relate to them, but here's the stuff that you get: my laptop, my camera, my bed, and my clothes and shoes and... -also my amber lamp, all my video games and... pretty much everything that my mum and dad don't get. Anything you want, it's yours- why change how our system works now just because of the little changes in life right? Anyway, my parents need to be given the box in the back of my closet that has letter for them somewhere nearby. Oh, and a drawing on my window that I made of them when I was younger. Please don't forget to do that. Next, I want you to know that I broke your straightener a few months ago, and ended up buying one exactly like it, and I just thought that you should know..." He laughed to himself as if he just told the funniest joke before calming down and awkwardly looking around himself as if he'd done something terrible. The shot froze for a few seconds before he was back in a change of clothes and a flipped fringe- probably to show that it was another day. He was still in the park but the weather had drastically changed from the dull clouds to bright sun. How ironic.

"It was about to start raining yesterday, so I cut the video short, if you were wondering." Dan pointed up into the air and laughed clearly in a pretty good mood. "I also wanted to tell you that I got a lion for you; it's also in the back of my closet on the right side. It's a little small, but I wanted it to be special because it's like, the last thing you'll even get from me ever... Yeah. Bye."

The video ended there and I smiled, going into his closet looked through his clothes until, sure enough, there was a small lion about the size of my other lion. However, this one had his mane dyed black, and had a little friend next to him. The other one had a brown mane, the same colour as Dan's hair. I was absolutely in love with them, and was quickly in tears without even realising. I wasn't sure it was from the love of the Dan and lions or the sorrow that these two stuffed animals brought. It was amazing how a person could make a bigger mark after they've died than when they were alive.

After a while of playing with the little lions and sobbing, I finally went to go get breakfast. I got ready for the day by showering, brushing my teeth and changing my clothes (Dan's llama hat with non-matching-fun-socks). I remembered how Dan would always eat before he would brush his teeth, and it bugged him how I did the opposite. I couldn't help but smile through my sadness.

I decided to look through some comments on my recent videos to try and cheer myself up. The top comment read 'your smiles are just as sad as your tears'.