Missing Your Chances (phan)

Chapter 13 {EDITED}

I watched the rain clouds flying through the sky much faster than my tired brain was processing the day. I hadn't slept at all last night after my dream, not on the floor, my bed or Dan's. No matter what, I couldn't stop the horrible things that were in my head terrorising me all throughout the night. Eventually, I gave up on sleep and just sat by the window, trying to get my priorities sorted and what I needed to think through thought through. To no avail, I found, as I finally left my spot by the window. I had watched the sunrise, and the clouds come to water the city of London. I watched all the people scurry away to seek refuge from the pounding droplets, and saw the number of people who probably wanted to have just a fun time run to their homes, afraid of a little water. It's weird how people will pay money to have it, yet once it falls from the sky, free, they run.

I got up and walked around, not really wanting to do anything. After hours of just sitting around, wandering in and out of room, I finally decided to call Martin. I knew that I had to, but I really didn't want to have to face him. I had no idea how it would go, but I hoped he would forgive me. I was willing to forgive him, because I knew he was sorry, and I knew I needed someone other than myself in my life, unless I wanted to go completely insane.

Grabbing my phone, I dialled his number, listening to the rings drone on. What if he didn't want to answer? What if he wouldn't want to see me again after the way I treated him? I pushed those thoughts away, focusing on the long tones that signalled that his phone was ringing. After about the third ring, he picked up, and I let the breath that I was holding out. I bit my lip as he said my name, not really sure if it was me calling. "Phil, is that you calling?"

"Yeah Martyn, it's me." I replied, my voice hoarse. I swallowed, extremely nervous. I had no idea what could possibly happen, and neither did he, I'm guessing. "Listen... I'm really sorry about how I acted yesterday, and-"

"Phil, don't be sorry. I shouldn't have acted that way from the beginning, and I'm sorry." my brother replied, I was once again in tears. I could tell that it wasn't just my unstable mind that made this emotional, because he had to clear his throat to talk and his voice was scratchy.

"I've missed you, Phil." I felt so warm inside, and I felt like I finally wasn't missing something. Even when Dan was here I didn't feel that way. I wiped away some tears, a smile forming on my face. I had my older brother back! After a couple of seconds of silence, I asked him a question that was bugging me just a bit.

"Are you with the same Kayla, or is it a different girl?" I hoped he didn't take it the wrong way, because I honestly didn't care who it was. I had never met the girl before, so it really doesn't make that much of a difference to me.

"The same girl." His voice had a slight edge of nervousness, but I wanted him to know that it didn't make a difference to me.

"Cool. Maybe we could all hang out at some point in the near future? Like, go to Shake-Away or something?"

I could practically hear his relief, and I smiled to myself. We had our brotherly bond back! That was one of the best things that could ever exist in life. You can't quite understand it if you don't have any siblings, but if you do have a brother or sister you can understand that even though you fight and act like you guys are worst enemies, you really love each other. It isn't the same without them. In a way it is kind of like that with people, too. Before I met Dan, I guess I could have lived without him, but now that I have met him and lived with him for a while, it is going to be rough-it had been pretty rough so far. But everything will work out. Though I don't think I'll ever fall in love with anyone the way I loved Dan, I know that there is a way to carry on. There always is.

"Sure! I would love to do that, and I'm pretty sure that Kayla would like that, too. Maybe later today we could go and get some coffee or something. Catch up a bit, maybe?" I smiled, amazed at how well this was going. Finally something going right!

"I'd love to! How about we meet up at around two, so that way we have time to get ready and stuff."

"Yeah, that'd be great! See you at Starbucks then, okay?"

"Okay. See you then. Love you, bye."

"Love you too, man. Bye." I smirked. No matter how emotional of a moment we could have, he would always try to have some of the tough-guy image. I've actually given up on that, between the amount that I have cried this week, my raspberry body wash, and my hair straightener. I know that I'm not necessarily all that 'girly', but I'm not afraid to have an emotional moment where I tell my older brother I love him-especially after the super-massive fight that we had. It is a little bit weird how different we are.

After we hung up, I went and took a shower, taking my time in there, making sure to wash away all of the grime that came with my depression. I felt so free now, everything seeming so much brighter. I could take on the world!