Missing Your Chances (phan)

Chapter 14

When I was ready, I grabbed my wallet and phone, and when I went to grab my keys, I saw Dan's on his hook next to mine. I looked at them, counting the keys, a sense of nostalgia coming over me. There was the car key, the house key, some little trinkets (some of the from the Danosaur community), a key for our gym locker (which really hasn't been used), and one other key. I had no idea what the key could be for, but I knew that I had seen it somewhere before. I shrugged it off and headed out, locking the door behind me. It the back of my mind I pondered, but when I arrived at Starbucks, I banished it from my thoughts. I could look into it later.

I found that Kayla and Martin had already beaten me there, and ordered a hot chocolate and a coffee. When I got my order, I sat down next to them, smiling. We chatted about normal people things, like the weather, and how generic life has been-or, more over, how their life has been, since they know pretty much what has been happening to me. After a while, we got into the serious part of the conversation, as you could guess was coming.

"So, Phil, how come I hadn't met you before? Were you adopted or something like that?" I glanced at Martin, and he returned the look. What could we possibly tell her? Though, I'm not surprised that she asked if I was adopted, because we look nothing alike, but still, she hadn't heard of me? Not once?

Martin broke the silence, biting her lip a bit. "It's... a long story."

"Yeah, going back all the way to when you first met our mum and dad." I said, a slight smile playing across my lips. It felt a bit nice to have the problems out in the open, even though I hadn't told him everything, I had told him more than I had ever told anyone else. I don't think I would ever tell anyone about what I did that night.

Kayla was silent, not having a clue what was happening, and Martin looked quite ashamed, but I? I had this horrible urge to laugh. I don't really know what I would laugh about, but I knew that I wanted to laugh, like really, properly laugh. I found something about it funny-especially my near-death experience. That really freaked me out. Was I becoming insane?

"What was that, Phil?" Martin asked, worriedly. Had I said that out loud? I shook my head dismissively, muttering 'nothing.' He gave me a look that told me that he knew I was lying, and I gave he an 'I'll talk about it later' look. It was weird how we could both still understand our silent conversations, even after seven years. I guess it just doesn't go away.

We finished our night with some more polite chit-chat, and went our separate ways, but not before Martin asked me about what happened earlier.

"What did you mean when you said you thought you were going crazy?" He asked, a bit freaked out by the idea of his younger sibling losing his sanity.

"Well... it's a long story, and I'm not sure it you really want to hear it..." I started, but his body movements told me to go on. So I did.

"I didn't really tell you the full story about what happened when Kayla first came over. I don't actually like the story, either, so that's probably why I haven't told you. You won't like it." I looked at him, making sure he really wanted to hear about it. I knew that he would want to; I was just stalling for time, trying to figure out how I would put my word. Once I got the confirming nod, I began, biting my lip a bit. "Well, once she came over, I went into my room, just like you told me to, and I went into my bag, finding an old pencil sharpener. I managed to get the blade free, and I... I tried to kill myself." I rolled up my sleeve, showing the faint scars on my wrist. You had to look be paying attention to see them, but you could tell they were there once you saw them. They were still slightly pink, which really stood out against my vampire-like skin. I always wore a few wristbands to cover them. You could tell what I had tried to do that night, even now, seven years later.

Martin was silent, staring at my wrist, gingerly wrapping his fingers on either side of the scar. I bit my lip, not knowing what to say. What could I say? Oh, I tried to kill myself that one night when you were really mean to me, lol, but at least I'm still alive. See you around! I decided to play it off as nothing, though we both know that it definitely is a huge matter.

"At least it didn't work." I said, brushing some of my hair into my eyes, so he would see how nervous I was. What if he sent me to an insane asylum, or something horrible? I could feel Martin fall to his knees, dragging me down slightly. I went with it, going to and kneeling next to him.

"Why did you not tell me? I could have done something. I could have... I could have..." I could tell he was shocked, and tears slipped down his face, snaking down and falling into my arm. He cradled it, like his life depended on it. As if by caring for the scar now, he could take it back, so that I hadn't done it. Honestly, though, I don't really regret it. I think that it was something that made me who I am. Martin pulled me into a hug, full out sobbing, on the ground in the middle of the sidewalk in front of Starbucks. I was thoroughly embarrassed, but hugged him back, stroking his back, reassuring him that it wouldn't happen again and that it would all be fine.

I had told him. It feels so nice to let someone in. To tell them about what you did in your past. I felt like a huge weight had been taken off of my chest, and that I was truly free from the secrets that had bound me for years. I had forgotten how nice it felt.