Dear Jackson

Chapter 13

I stood in the back of the school during lunch break. No one ever went to the back as it was full of noise from the air conditioning units. But at least here I could be at peace with no harassment.

I finally decided to come back to school. I healed quite well from the injuries, but still, the teasing was the same. I ignored Jackson in my classes. He called out to me a few times in the hallway. I kept telling myself to just act as if he wasn't there. I mean, that's what he wanted in the first place.

"I should start walking back."

I picked up my bag from the ground, slinging it over my shoulder. Break wasn't over, but getting to class early helped from being teased in the crowds.

As I stepped into the empty hallway, my footsteps echoed against the walls. I felt my heart beat faster with slight panic as Jackson walked out the art room. He looked up at me, but I averted my eyes.

"Hey, BamBam!"

I sighed and kept my head down, acting as if he wasn't calling out to me.

"Please talk to me. Why do you keep ignoring me?"

Jackson damn well knew why. And if he really didn't, he is an idiot.

"Are you going to just keep walking?"

His voice held sadness as I passed him. I heard him trail behind me, and noticed he wasn't going to give up.

"Can we please just talk?"

"Why?"

I let that one word out coldly while keeping my pace.

"Because I know what I did was wrong, and I need to talk to my best friend."

His words made me stop. As if they had a certain power to control my feet. I hated it. I didn't speak as I turned towards him with an emotionless stare.

"Thank you. How about we go to the art room to talk, okay?"

"Don't want to be seen with me in the hallways?"

My words held venom with their leaving of my tongue. Jackson widened his eyes then crossed his arms.

"No, that's not it BamBam. I just wanted to be able to sit and speak in comfort."

I rolled my eyes to show agitation while exhaling.

"Fine, lead the way."

We walked the opposite way back to the art room where he just came out from. I could already predict what he would say. That he is sorry, and was an idiot, and wants me to forgive him. At least, that's what I hope for, and not another dumb plan.

Jackson opened the door and entered first, I following behind. I put my bag to the side and sat at a random desk while waiting for him to speak.

"Bammie, I'm sorry for what I said and did. Also for what I didn't do. For being such an idiot and easing into the negative comments of the entire school. Or trying to put up an image to fit in, giving you the shitty end of the stick to make that happen. Not defending you when it needed, or acting as if my heart was made of ice."

Jackson paused as if he was waiting for a reply, but I kept my eyes glued to the window. After a moment of pure silence and clock ticking going by, he continued.

"I had no clue of the beating given to you until I went over to your house. I hadn't realized how bad this situation had become. I never saw the stupidity within me until I witnessed how stressful and dangerous it became for you. I'm truly sorry, and I'm willing to tell everyone in this school that we in fact are dating. That our relationship is equal on both sides. Because you matter more to me, and our relationship, than my reputation."

Jackson took a seat next to mine as he finished. I thought over everything he said for a short while, and I still felt he needed to realize the Hell I went through.

"Are you kidding?" I turned my head towards him and locked eye contact, speaking with a rhetorical question.

"You don't really understand the trauma I went through, okay. The names, the physical contact, the mental abuse from all these things called humans. Each step I took was a slow second passing by a seven hour day. Every where I looked or averted my eyes to, represented Hell for me. This school used to be my safe haven throught the day, and my home would be another one at night. But that wasn't the worst of it all. Not the bullying, no, not even close. That was just a small percentage. What really added the icing on my miserable cake was watching the only true friend I had walk away. If you think just your words and apologetic emotions will fix it all, you're sadly mistaken. All of that combined is like placing duct tape across a gigantic hole in a wall, believeing it's repaired perfectly."

I finished with a slightly raised voice, yet it felt so quiet. Standing up I took my book bag where I left it, approaching the classroom door. I paused in my steps and looked back at Jackson while talking with a saddened whisper.

"You say I matter to you, and that this relationship does as well. But I can't believe that when you didn't even want to be seen with me in such a way, and left me to be harmed like nothing. Literally tossing me to the curb like garbage."

I choked up on my last few words with cheeks heated and tears brimming.

"Maybe it was better if we just kept it the way it was; friendship."

I opened the door and walked out into the hallway, heading to my next class like I planned as soon as I entered this building.

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I had a feeling BamBam would react in such a way, and I couldn't blame him. But I will admit, his words made me feel like scum. Especially the "leave it at friendship" part. I watched the door fully close as he left with silent tears. I decided to leave him alone and let him go where he planned. Didn't even want to be bothered with me or my words anyway.

"He's right, I need to really prove my feelings. Words aren't going to fully help me in this situation."

I exhaled in stress while placing my hand on my forehead in frustration. The bell rang causing me to jump in a shocked reaction.

"Great, time for yet another class."

I gave a stretch while walking out the room, heading to the correct one. The halls were full as always and the gossip in the air was routinely buzzing.

"Really? I heard that Bam kid offered to get a guy off in the bathroom stalls for five bucks."

"Probably did it for free since he loves it so much."

I overheard a group laughing and speaking of such false rumors about BamBam. It was agitating me and causing my blood to boil. I looked there way with a serious expression smacked onto my profile. Approaching them they all slowly stopped talking and stared at me oddly, acting as if I was a walking ghost. My tone came out hard, strong, and definitely serious.

"Hey, cut the shit about BamBam alright? You guys know the rumors are complete bullshit, but you continue to go on and mock because you have nothing better to do but ruin the image of others, just to make yourself look good. Well guess what, putting someone down with false accusations only causes you to own the image of a true piece of shit. It's getting old, and no one gives a fuck. For God's sake you act like he's the only homosexual on this planet. Grow the hell up, learn to mind your own God damn business, and focus on truth and other subjects. But leave BamBam alone, understand?"

I threw my hands up and began to shout in the middle of the hallway.

"That goes for every single one of you fuckers who are bullying him! He kissed me? So what?! Learn to move the fuck on in life! Half of you guys shouldn't even be talking as you have worse shit on you that can easily be rumored in this school of gossip. So I would advise you to sit your asses down, and forget about it all. Thank you for your time."

I gave a fake smile at the end of my speech to my now silent crowd. Minding my business I took my steps on the path to class again, knowing I wasn't even close to finish with making a statement in this school.

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A/N: Jesus it's been damn near almost a month since I updated. I had a bad case of writer's block. But here's an update! Comment and vote, all that jazz.^^