zero hour

A Cow Based Socio-Political Economics Comparative Analysis

comic relief for hard economic times
(content is found, borrowed, edited, and expanded upon to reflect my own sense of humor)

COWISM:

There are two cows.

They feed the milk they produce to their baby cows.

SURVIVALISM:

You discover two cows in the wild.

You kill one for it's meat, capture the other for it's milk, abandon it,

and then migrate south for the winter hoping that you will find two more cows when you get there.

AGRICULTURALISM:

You have two cows.

Another tribe has two cows and one bull.

You conquer them and force everyone to live in one place so that you can breed all the cows with that bull.

SOCIALISM:

You have 2 cows.

You give one to your neighbor, you both have milk.

COMMUNISM:

You have 2 cows.

The State takes both and gives you some milk.

FASCISM:

You have 2 cows.

The State takes both and sells you some milk at a profit, which the state spends on fancy uniforms.

BUREAUCRATISM:

You have 2 cows.

The State takes both, shoots one, milks the other, and then throws the milk away, blaming you for the wasted milk.

TOTALITARIANISM:

You have two cows. The government takes them and denies they ever existed. Milk is banned.

NAZISM:

You have 2 cows.

The State takes both and shoots you,

then blames the Jews, Gays and Gypsies for there not being enough cows.

JUDAISM:

You have two cows,

But you can only drink the milk if a priest says special prayers to ensure it's kosher.

CHRISTIANISM:

You have one cow.

You covet your neighbor's cow.

You take your neighbor's cow in the name of God, killing your neighbor in the process. (It's ok, God told you to)

You horde the milk the two cows produce, even though you do not need that much milk.

The milk goes bad.

You neighbor's orphaned children go hungry and beg you for milk.

You tell them to get a job, praise Jesus, or go to hell.

HINDUISM:

You have two cows.

You worship them, they walk all over your nice rug.

ISLAMISM:

You have two camels.

No one understands why you do not have two cows.