In My Dreams - Bill Kaulitz Story

83. Just anger

Tom looked at me inquisitively as we traversed the hallways of the concert hall on our way to the soundcheck. "What was that?" he asked, his curiosity clearly audible in his voice. I sighed deeply, trying to suppress my frustration. "Nothing," I muttered curtly, hoping Tom would drop the subject. The last thing I wanted was to share my state of mind, especially concerning Elise. However, Tom didn't let it go so easily. He knew me too well to sense when something was amiss. "Come on, Bill, you can't tell me nothing's wrong. That look in your eyes says it all." I cast a fleeting glance at my brother and could see his furrowed expression. He was determined to find out more. "It's just... Elise," I reluctantly admitted. Tom looked at me with a questioning gaze. "I really thought you two would patch things up," he said, his voice filled with concern. "Patch things up?" I repeated, my face contorting with frustration. "No, Tom, I never want to see her again!" My emotions boiled inside, and I could barely keep my anger in check. Tom tried to calm me down. "Easy, Bill. Let's not let this get out of hand."

Onstage, my anger still hadn't subsided, especially now that I realized the other Elise might be gone for good, and my own Elise had returned. My focus was gone. Instead of singing the lyrics, I angrily shouted the lyrics into the microphone. Frustration and confusion were evident on my face. David was also walking around in the venue and suddenly shouted, "Bill, damn it! Act professional for once!" Without a moment of hesitation, I angrily stormed off the stage and headed to the dressing room. I slammed the door shut, trying to regain control of my thoughts and emotions. I dropped onto a chair, attempting to control my breathing. My fists were clenched, and I felt the adrenaline rushing through my veins. The idea that my personal life was starting to affect the professional made me even angrier. Tom entered the dressing room a little later. "Bill, what the hell is going on?" I looked at him, my eyes still filled with anger. "This is all too much, Tom. I just want everything to go back to how it was." I stared at my brother, my eyes still filled with anger and frustration. "I can't see her, Tom. Not after everything that has happened. It's driving me crazy." Tom sighed understandingly and placed his hand on my shoulder. "I'm glad to hear you speak up again, Bill," he said in a reassuring tone. But soon, he noticed my tension and furrowed his brows. "What has been said between you two?" Tom asked worriedly. "Why are you so angry now, Bill?" I sighed deeply and decided to tell my brother the half-truth. "Elise signed a contract with David, Tom. A contract that obliges her to have a relationship with me to become more famous, and now, she had to interrupt our relationship because of David. He pressured her, and I just can't cope with it." Tom looked at me in shock. "A contract? Seriously?" I nodded seriously. "Yes, Tom." Tom let his hand slide off my shoulder and sat down. "So, David is playing a dirty game here?" I nodded, my hands clenched into fists. "Yes, and I knew nothing about it. She has tied herself to David, not just professionally but also personally. I feel betrayed, Tom." "Wow, what a bitch," Tom responded, his amazement and disapproval clearly noticeable. "Bill, seriously, why didn't you come to me with this problem much earlier?" Before Tom could finish his sentence, the door swung open, and David stood in our dressing room. His presence alone created a tense atmosphere. He looked from Tom to me and grinned in a way that made my blood boil. "Problems, guys?" David asked, casually leaning against the door frame. Tom glared at him. "Yeah, there are problems. Problems that you caused." David chuckled scornfully. "Oh, come on, Tom. Bill and I just had a little disagreement. It happens often in the music industry, doesn't it, Bill?" I couldn't bear the contempt in his voice. "This isn't just about music, David. This is about trust and respect, something you clearly don't understand." Tom looked at me briefly, knowing this wasn't the moment to confront him. "Let's sort this out after the performance," he said, his gaze back on David. David winked at me before leaving the dressing room. "Good luck on stage, guys. Try not to bring your personal problems onto the stage. The audience deserves better." Once he was gone, Tom dropped onto a chair and rubbed his face tiredly. "I hate that guy." "Me too," I agreed. "But let's focus on the performance. We'll deal with this properly afterward."

It was the worst performance I had given in years. But at that moment, I couldn't blame myself. As we walked off the stage, I saw Elise and David together. A sense of bitterness and disappointment welled up within me. Somehow, I thought that these two actually deserved each other.
I walked past them without saying anything, but Elise noticed me, and our eyes met. Her gaze was inscrutable, and I felt a mixture of anger and sadness. David also acknowledged my presence and flashed me a triumphant grin.
Tom walked alongside me, placing a reassuring hand on my shoulder. "Let it go, Bill. We'll sort this out later."
I nodded, but the frustration still raged within me. We returned to the dressing room, where the atmosphere was tense. The rest of the band looked at me with questioning eyes, but all I could do was force a strained smile on my face. My thoughts were elsewhere, entangled in a whirlwind of emotions.
Tom tried to lighten the mood. "Well, that was a performance to forget, huh?" The others agreed, but I couldn't get my mind off Elise and David.