In My Dreams - Bill Kaulitz Story

85. Trying to understand you

Elise continued, her voice trembling with emotion. "I always felt like I had to fight, that everyone would eventually leave me. I didn't know how to build normal relationships."
The restaurant was filled with the sound of cutlery on plates and the muted chatter of other guests. The atmosphere was pleasant, but my thoughts were far away, immersed in Elise's revealing story. She sat across from me, her gaze fixed on the tablecloth, fingers fidgeting. In the silence that followed Elise's confession, I kept looking at her. Her eyes, once filled with shame and pain, now sought mine for a sign of understanding. A mix of emotions played on her face as she shared more details of her story.
"I desperately wanted to escape my miserable situation, Bill," Elise began with a quivering voice. "David promised me a better life, and I was willing to do almost anything to get there."
She continued with her story. "David came up with the idea of using me as the opening act for Tokio Hotel," she began, her voice breaking with emotions. "But for that, I had to seduce you. It was a condition for my career, according to him. He told me that you would fall into a deep depression if you didn't find love quickly, and he couldn't allow that. A depression would mean the end of the successful band."
She paused for a moment, her eyes cast down, taking a deep breath before continuing. "I agreed, Bill. I became his plaything."
She took a sip of her water and continued, her eyes briefly wandering to a point in the distance. "At first, it seemed like I had a choice. Performing, meeting you, it felt like a dream come true. But soon, David started revealing his true nature."
I nodded in understanding, a knot of anger forming in my stomach as I listened to her.
Her voice trembled as she recounted the dark side of her 'fortune.' "That's when David began demanding more and more. He had a particular preference," she said with a bitter undertone. "Before, when I was still under the influence of drugs, I didn't care about what clients wanted. The customer is king, they say. But now that I was sober with David, I couldn't take it anymore. He had a wife and child at home, and that started gnawing at me."
Elise explained how David controlled her, restricted her freedoms, and imposed his desires. "He pushed me to the limit, and when he involved Tom to deceive you, that was the last straw for me."
My fists clenched unconsciously, but I tried to keep my emotions in check to listen to Elise.
"When I decided to escape, I only then realized how deep I was in his game. It felt like coming out of a dark tunnel and seeing daylight again," she said, her gaze now filled with relief. "I wanted out of that abusive situation and to tell the truth. I no longer wanted to be his puppet."
I stared at my hands, my thoughts a jumble of emotions. Part of me couldn't forgive her for her role in the manipulation, but another part saw the sincerity and vulnerability she now displayed.
I looked Elise squarely in the eyes, my gaze penetrating but filled with a mix of confusion and curiosity. "Why did you come back here, then?" I asked her, the question echoing in my mind.
My eyes remained focused on hers as I awaited her response. She sighed deeply, her shoulders slumping slightly under an invisible burden. She leaned back in her chair and stared briefly at the ceiling, as if searching for the right words to express her complex feelings. Her eyes betrayed a mix of regret, sorrow, and a genuine quest for understanding. Her gaze seemed to drift back to a time deeply anchored in her memories. Finally, she broke the silence and began her story.
"In the world of the other Elise, I was lonely," she began, her voice soft as a whisper. "I tried to make it with my voice, my only refuge in a world that otherwise gave me no chance. But I couldn't. It felt like I was stuck in a spiral of failure, and every note I sang sounded hollow and meaningless." Her words were infused with emotional depth, as if she carried the weight of her failures. She continued, unfolding her story like a painful memory.
"Yes, I was free from David, but I felt guilty. Towards the other Elise," she said, her gaze downcast. "She had to clean up my mess here, gather the shards of my broken life. In my quest for a better life, I realized that I had shortchanged her and myself. I found out that the grass on the other side of reality isn't always greener."
Her story was imbued with a raw honesty that touched me. It was as if she was baring her soul, regardless of the consequences. My incomprehension about her return slowly gave way to an awareness of the complexity of her situation.
"I was going to start a new life there, but I had nothing. I was living in poverty there too, and I swore never to go back to a life where I had nothing. That's why I'm back here," she concluded, her eyes returning to mine, seeking a reaction.
The silence between us was palpable, filled with the heaviness of her words and the reflection of my own inner struggle. "You might not fully understand," she continued, her gaze searching mine. "I don't expect you to welcome me with open arms, but I wanted to at least tell you the truth."
I took a moment to absorb her story, my thoughts a whirlwind of emotions. It wasn't easy to see her again, knowing what she had caused in my world, but at the same time, I couldn't ignore the sincerity in her voice. "It's not easy, Elise," I finally said, my voice gentle. "You've turned my world upside down, but I can see that you didn't come back lightly. Let's see how everything unfolds. I don't know if I can forgive you, but I do appreciate that you've told the truth."
She nodded understandingly, her eyes reflecting her hope that there might be understanding and perhaps even forgiveness someday.