Dear Diary

Chapter 18

"What do I do?" Danny asked of Dean and Jeni.  "One minute she was fine with us, and then she just. . .stopped.  I know I have said this in the past, but I have never meant it more than I do right now.  I can't move forward without her.  Leia's been my life since I met her.  I know I messed up, but fuck."  Danny seemed as if he was going to cry any minute.  Not wanting to appear weak, he choked it back as much as he could.

Not one to usually get involved in affairs of the heart that were not of his own, Dean offered some words.  Whether they were that of wisdom depends on how well you knew him.  "Danny, look.  You're just as much of a brother to me as Sammy is.  For fuck's sake, we grew up together.  But damn it Danny, take a long hard look at this shit.  Okay?  Why is Leia like this?  I can tell you why.  Because of every dick move you've ever made."  Dean's voice was becoming a little raspy.  Not because he was pissed at his friend.  But because he was trying to make him see that Leia had just cause to not want to put her trust into him again.  "So you can do one of two things, you can either come to terms with the fact that you fucked up just enough to have pushed her away completely.  Or you can give her some time to figure shit out.  Either way, you need to realize, you may not win her back, no matter what you do."

Danny did not like this realization.  "She has always come back to me.  Hell, she had other relationships too.  Look how long she was with Chris for Christ sake.  And he slept with how many other bitches while he was with her?  I know I fucked up by talking to another woman.  But I never slept with another woman while I was with her."

"Do you know why she stayed with Chris even though he cheated?" Jeni asked in a very matter-of-fact tone.  Danny shook his head in the negative, and Jeni continued.  "She stayed with him because of you!  She was so torn up from you tucking tail and running, that she wanted nothing more than to show you someone wanted her.  That a relationship with her was something to desire and want to be a part of.  She wanted you to be jealous so you'd come back after her.  She liked Chris.  She loved him too.  But she was never in love with him.  Not how she was or is with you."

Danny just hung his head.  "How come no one has ever told me this?"  His voice was cracking.  He didn't know how much longer he was going to be able to hold back his emotions.

"Short answer?" said Dean, "Because you're a dick.  Look man, what was she supposed to do?  Especially after you took off with that  bitch Melanie? "

"But I came back."

"Yeah.  But you didn't stay.  That woman BEGGED you to stay.  You knew you should stay here.  But you left her high and dry.  Quite frankly, I don't know why she gave you the last chance she did when you came back."

"Oh is that so?  Well ya know what, bro?  Why don't you look at your own craptacular fuck ups over the years before you start judging mine."  

"Okay, okay.  Dean, Danny. Both of you knock it the fuck off before you end up saying something you don't mean.  Now come on.  Can we just agree that we've all made our share of fuck ups over the years?"

Both men nodded.  "I'm sorry Dean.  I'm just.  Man, I'm just out of my mind right now."

"I get it man.  I do.  And I hate to say this.  But you may need to prepare yourself for the fact that no matter what you do, no matter how hard you pray, wish, or whatever the hell you do, you may not get her back this time.  And the only one that can tell you why that is, is you."

******

"So, what we'll do is you'll work the first two hours of the show, I'll do the last two.  That way you get some good time on the boards, and you can still have some fun.  By the way, how much fun did you have last night after leaving Hilly's?  You and Danny looked like how I remember you two."