Dear Diary

Chapter 15

Before saying something to Dean she would regret, Leia thought hard on his words.  And before she could speak, he added more.  "Lei, I know he's fucked you guys up.  Hell, I still don't even know why he broke things off with you the very first time.  He was dumber than dog shit for doing that.  But I'm telling you the honest to God truth.  The man is a mess.  He didn't come looking for you to feel sorry for him.  Hell, he really didn't even come looking for you in the hopes you would take him back after all this time.  He came looking for you to set things straight, once and for all.  The man loves you. Maybe he could deny it when we were all kids.  But he can't anymore.  And it's killing him that you don't want to see that."

"Dean, it's not that I don't want to see it.  For fuck's sake, do you realize that after I threw him out all those years ago, it took me like another year before I even thought about trusting anyone?  He's been gone eight years.  EIGHT YEARS Dean.  I can't just forget that."

"I'm not asking you to forget that.  I'm asking you to give the man a chance to prove it."

"I don't know if I can do that."

"Leia, do you still love him?"

She didn't answer him right away.  Not because she had to think about it, but because she knew no matter what her answer was, it would be a controversy.  But she couldn't lie about it either.  "You know I do.  But. . ."

"So what but?  And just so you know, the whole thing with his fiancée, that happened about three years ago.  And, not that you think he did, but I want you to know he did not put me up to calling you.  I did this myself.  He is my friend.  And so are you.  You two belong together.  Whether you two do anything about it, is up to you two."

"Yeah, I know."

"Okay, so enough of this sad shit.  What are you up to these days?  Ya know, Jeni and I would love to see you."

Leia filled Dean in on that she was working on learning Mark's system so she could start doing dj/kj work for extra money, and that her and Erica frequent Bill Hilly's on Friday nights to sing.  "Bill Hilly's," Dean echoed, "I know where that is.  Shit, I know Jeni would love that, and love to see you and Erica.  Maybe we should come this Friday?"

"Sure why not.  What's your brother up to?  I heard him and Lynn kinda split."

"Yeah, Sammy had to get the fuck away from her.  Lynn just changed, and not for the better.  I'm not sure what he's doing Friday.  I'll give him a call and see.  With having Dylan, it's hard.  But better him than that bat shit crazy bitch."

"Okay, well, I'll see you Friday Dean.  Tell Jen I can't wait to see her."  They said their good-byes and the call ended.

Leia looked back down at her diary.  The last she saw that she wrote was, "so why am I crying over this?"  Fucking Danny.

Leia met him she was eighteen.  And somehow, there as an instant attraction to him.  A year later when they started dating, everyone that knew them couldn't imagine a more perfect couple.  Everyone said they made sense.  The way they were with each other, you could see the fire in both their eyes the minute they were together.  And honestly, when they got together, Leia never had a thought that they would ever split up.  But, for some reason, they did.  No one understood it.  All Danny ever told her was that he wasn't happy.  She, and everyone else, called bullshit.  Dean, being his best friend, even said that was shit.  They were on and off for so long, it was ridiculous.  The last time they tried though, Leia really thought that was it.  She had daily dreams of their happily ever after, and then he had to go and be stupid.  She may have told him to leave, but that didn't mean it didn't rip her heart apart.  This is why she was so messed up.  This is why she found herself wanting to be with any other man that could make her feel wanted.  "Damn it, I'm going to check my dating app."

Doing anything she could to get the image of Danny in her house out of her head, she logged into her dating app.  More of the same.  Grandpas that were trying to get her to look in their direction, and for all the wrong things.  She even had a message from Joseph.  He tried apologizing again, but Leia just deleted the message.  She started scrolling through her matches to see if there was anyone that she could find herself interested in.  Except every time she started to read a profile, she'd hear a voice in her head finding something wrong with them.  And the voice wasn't even hers.  It was Danny's.  "God damn it, get the fuck outta my head!"

Then she grabbed her phone, and was about to text Bret, and then she heard Danny's voice again.  "C'mon babe.  You know he can't make you happy like I can."  "Damn you!"  

She went up to her room and started to get dressed for the day. And she heard him again, "you know, if I was here right now, you wouldn't be getting dressed.  I'd be ripping everything off of you."  "LEAVE ME ALONE!" she screamed, and then threw herself on her bed and cried.  "That's it," she said, grabbing her purse and keys, headed down to her truck, and left the house.

"Leia, what are you doing here?"  as Erica let her in.  She realized her friend was not okay.  She was full of tears and shaky.  "Lei, what happened?"

"You don't know?"

"Honey, I haven't talked to you for a couple weeks.  You've been too busy with Joseph."

"Yeah, well that's done.  I broke that off."

"Why?  I thought. . ."

"And then, well, you know who showed up.  And you can't tell me you don't know.  I know you slapped him.  So you saying you don't know. . ."

"He found you?  Oh shit.  Lei, I didn't know he found you.  Yeah, Danny came here looking for you.  I'm sorry, my instinct just took over.  What did he say?"

"That he's still in love with me.  And then I heard from Dean today."

"Oh shit.  How'd that go?"

"Well, him and Jen are going to come up to Hilly's Friday.  Sam might come too."

"And?"

Hesitant to answer Erica, she did anyway, "Dean thinks I should give Danny a chance.  I don't know."

Erica became a bit lit.  "Leia, no.  Don't.  Haven't you been hurt enough by him?"  She noticed that Leia had dropped her head.  "No, don't tell me you're even considering this?"

Leia looked up, tears staining her face, "No, I'm not.  I don't know what to do.  Erica, I know I shouldn't but, for fuck's sake, I still love him."  She broke down and cried her eyes out.  Erica hugged her friend, in hopes of getting her under control.  And it did help a little.  "I"m sorry Ere.  I know I shouldn't be this crazy."

"Meh, it's okay.  We all got to go through this shit don't we?"  Erica smiled at her friend.  "C'mon, lets go get lunch, and we'll start planning for Friday.  It'll be fun to have some of the old crew back together."

"Yeah, it will.  I miss them." 

But she missed Danny too.