Dear Diary

Chapter 27

"You have no idea how much I love hearing you say that, Leia."  Danny watched as she shifted out of his arms and was laying on her right side facing him.  "I mean, I will never stop you from saying it.  But, damn it, I hate that I lost so much time with you."  He leaned over and gave her a small kiss on the lips.  "I never want to let that happen again."

"Danny, I. . ."

"I mean it Leia.  Do I deserve you?  Probably not.  After all the stupid shit have done.  Truth be told, I wanted to come back the day after you told me to leave. But I know you, and I knew if I had tried then, it would've made things worse.  Then I told myself I'd come back the next week.  And then I'd get scared.  So days turned into weeks, months, years.  I have no good reason or excuse for any of it.  But for some reason, something told me it was time I get off my ass and come back for you."

"Danny, so much has changed though."

"I know.  When the hell did you start talking like that during sex?"  Her eyes widened.  "No, no, it's not bad.  It's hot.  But, you never got like that before."

"Shit," she thought, "do I tell him about my recent escapades?  Or do I just cover it up?  He's being honest with me.  What would that say if I wasn't with him.  But we're not together.  We just had fun.  It was a hook up."

"Babe?"

"Sorry, I uh, well.  I mean it has been eight years and it's not like I sat here alone the whole time."  She saw the frown come over his face.  "I didn't mean it like that.  And really, you didn't either.  I mean, you were engaged."

"Not to whom I should have been .  Should have been you."  Again, soft kiss to her lips was had.  "I hope that maybe someday that could still be true."

Leia was taken by such surprise.  "Did he just propose to me?  What the hell is going on here?"

"Darlin' what time do you have to get up in the morning?  Don't you need to call your boss?"

"Meh, probably around seven.  I emailed her, but yeah I should call her.  At least if I call her that early she won't be in and I can just leave her a voicemail.  She can be a real bitch.  I so want to get out of this place and find a real job."

"Okay, well then I better go downstairs and get to bed."

"Downstairs?"  So this was it.  He could fuck her, but couldn't stay in her bed with her?

"Yes, downstairs.  Leia, it's not for what you are thinking.  I promise.  I told you I was going to take care of you this week and now, protect you from Lacy.  I don't know what this bitch has up her sleeve.  As long as you are up here, I know you're safe.  If she tries anything, she'll have to get through me to get to you.  And I am not about to let that happen.  Would I rather be up here with you?  Fuck yes.  I'd rather feel you beside me.  I'd rather watch you sleep.  I'd rather be where with one touch I could fuck your brains out without question.  But if I don't protect you first, those things won't happen."

"Why are you doing all this Danny?  I mean really?"  She was starting to tear up.

"Why?  You really have to ask me that?"

She didn't have to.  She was just without him for so long, and she was still so unsure of if she should allow her heart to let him in, never mind the fact that she already told him she loved him.  But that didn't mean she wanted things to just go back to the way they were.  Then her brain and her heart both slapped her back to reality.  "I guess, well not guess.  Danny, I'm scared.  I'm more scared than you can possibly imagine.  And no, not of Lacy.  I'm scared of us.  I get that you realized you made a mistake.  And honestly, I've forgiven you for it.  I forgave you for it long ago.  But do you understand what that did to me?  I mean do you really understand what it did?"

"No," as he hung his head, "I suppose I don't.  I suppose I was hoping that you'd remember all the good things and have that guide you."

"Danny, listen to me.  I mean really listen to me.  I love you.  Okay?  I do.  I have ever since the first time you kissed me.  That was thirteen years ago.  Even with all the bad.  There are days I miss you so much, it hurts.  And to deal with that hurt, I would remind myself that you thought I wasn't enough for you.  And now, here you are.  Right back in my bed.  Making me feel like I'm all that matters. . ."

"You ARE all that matters. . . " 

She put her hand up, ". . .and all I can think of is treating you how you shouldn't be treated.  Do you remember all the shit Chris put me through?"  Danny nodded.  "I don't want to do that to you.  When he cheated on me, I got controlling, mean, hell, I didn't want to be around me.  I'm scared of doing that to you.  And I don't want to.  I don't want to be that person.  I don't want you to wake up in the morning and regret my existence in your life.  Does that make sense?"

"It does.  And I'm going to tell you this. I would never regret you being in my life.  I get what you are saying.  I do.  Hell, I'm scared too.  Especially now that Lacy is starting her shit.  But if we don't try, I'll regret that more."

"Danny, will you do something for me?"

"Anything."

"Bring me my Mickey Mouse from downstairs so I can hold onto it overnight."

As a smile formed across his face, he replied with, "you got it."  With that he headed downstairs to get the doll for her.  He grabbed it, and flipped the sheets back on the pull out bed and took notice of her notebook that was still sitting there.  Because she had been reading through it while on the phone with Erica, it was opened to her entry about Danny being on the pull out bed, and how maybe she should check her dating app.  "Oh shit," he said to himself.  He realized what it was and thought he best not read any more.  "She was on a dating app?"  He grabbed the notebook, closed it, and went back upstairs.  "Okay, one large Mickey Mouse for you."  He handed it to her and then cleared his throat, "Oh and I uh, I brought this up too.  It was on the pull out.  I didn't know if you needed it."

She realized what it was and began to have a look of panic overtake her face.  "Uh, thank you," she said.

"No, I didn't read it.  I mean, I read one sentence and realized what it was, and then shut it.  That's private for you.  It's not my concern."

"What did you read?"

"That you wondered if you should check your dating app."

"That's all?"

"Yes."

"Danny, I. . ."

"I get it babe.  As you said, you weren't alone with me gone.  I couldn't throw stones at you if I wanted to.  I'm glad you found a way to try and make yourself happy.  I am."

"But. . ."

"No buts.  Can't be.  I didn't leave you much choice did I?"

"Danny, I promise, I'll get rid of it.  I don't need it anymore.  I have what I want."

"You do?"

"Yes.  I have you."  His head popped up and he met with her eyes.  Wide, and full of wonderful disbelief.  "You hear me?  You and me."

"I heard you baby.  I. . .I. . .I hope to God I'm not dreaming."

"You're not."  

His lips covered hers in an intense kiss that was making her want to mount him.  But before he let that happen, he pulled away, and breathing heavy, he spoke, "I love you Leia.  It's always been you."

Smiling, she told him, "you better get downstairs."  They laughed a bit, "Good night Danny.  I love you."

"I love you," and he began his journey downstairs, "I'll see you in the morning."  As he made his descent down the stairs and crawled into bed, he felt a smile overtake him.  "I have to go to the shop and my apartment in the morning.  I need to get her that one thing of hers that I still owe her.  I'll call Tony and Dean in the morning."