After hours of waiting in the hospital, I got to see the wreck of a boyfriend I loved. I walked in as the nurse walked out and immediately fled to Kian's side.
"Baby...."
He opened his eyes. "I'm sorry. I should've told you-"
"No, it's not your fault. Eating disorders happen to the best of us, and I know how hard it is to fight the urges. I don't blame you."
He started crying, holding my hand. "It's our six month anniversary. I ruined it. I ruined it over throwing up in the fucking bathroom every time I ate for the past month. I ruined fucking everything. I ruined us."
I kissed him. "No, you did not ruin us. Not at all."
He cried more. "I love you, Sam. I tried so hard to eat, but when I did, the guilt...it just overtook me and I needed to get rid of it. I had this image in my mind, of the same thin lanky idiot you somehow fell for, and I wanted to maintain that. One day, I looked down and saw that my thighs were huge and my stomach was too and I... I needed to be perfect for you."
Now I started crying.
"But you are perfect," I practically screamed, "I love you. I love you so much Kian. I could be thrown into the russian mafia and told that I either had to kill you or kill myself, and I would inevitably choose myself every time. I love you more than the stars and the sun and I can't.. I can't live without you. Never in a million years. That's why I need you to eat, you're perfect to me at any size, but this is unhealthy. I've been down this path, and I almost died. I can't let the same happen to you."
He smiled through his tears and we both sat there, hopeless messes, but each other's hopeless messes.
YOU ARE READING
Daddy Didn't Love Me // Lawlorff
FanfictionSam Pottorff had always been lonely. His mother died the day he was born, he only had his father left. But his father was distant and depressive, never seemed to care much about him. Sam never knew the extent to his father's rage until he came home...
