Daddy Didn't Love Me // Lawlorff

Twenty One

"Okay, Jack. You can bring us down now!" Kian yelled down at Jack, who was currently absorbed in flirting his ass off that he accidentally hit the emergency stop button. 

"Oh shit!" He exhaled, opening a box with a big red button on it. He pressed it repeatedly but the gears stopped in their places and the ferris wheel would not budge. 

"Jack Fucking Dail, you better find out what the hell is going on and fix it right now!" I yelled down, as he dialed a number on his phone. Jenna stood in front of us, laughing her ass off with her precious lapdog cradled in her arms. 

"Oh my god!" Jenna laughed, clapping her hands together. 

Kian glared at her and practically growled. That's my little bulldog. 

"Hi! Yes! Well, I'm at Clearwater Cliffs boardwalk right now, and we have a situation.." Jack spoke into the phone. 

Within minutes, sirens wailed in the distance. Kian's exhausted head was propped against my shoulder and I was playing with his hair. 

After we got down, Kian dramatically kissed the pavement and then Jack's shoe. We were all laughing and once the insanity ended, we headed home. 

"What a night, huh?" he joked, silently closing the front door behind us. I propped myself on the bed just like he had the first time I slept over there. He laughed and grabbed his stomach as if the laughing caused him physical pain. 

"You ok?" I checked. 

"Of course, you know for a fact that all the... everything I used to do... I don't..." he stumbled through speaking, "I'm not bulimic anymore." 

"Feels good to say that, doesn't it?" I asked, pulling his hand from his spot standing next to the bed and he settled in next to me. 

He nodded weakly. 

"Is it bad that I miss it, a little?" 

I shook my head. "I miss being anorexic, truthfully. My life was chaotic and that was the only thing I had control over. It's not the fact that you're essentially killing yourself that was ever appealing to me, it was the fact that for once, you could do as you pleased and watch numbers fall off the scale one by one." 

Kian sighed. 

"We're so fucked up," he laughed sarcastically. I hugged him. 

"I think that's what makes us work, you know? I mean we've been through a lot individually so that's why we understand and have compassion for one another. Normal couples, they don't have that connection with each other, they can't understand exactly the same things that we do." 

He smiled. "I love you." 

I smiled too. His smile was inherently contagious in every sense. He looked me deadset in the eyes and a tear escaped. 

I grabbed his shoulder. "Hey, hey, what's wrong babe?" 

He bit his lip. "I can't stop thinking of what your father did to you. It's malicious, it's unspeakable.. he hurt you. He hurt you more than just physically, your thoughts will forever be altered because of it. And honestly, I would personally like to see him burn in hell for it." 

I cupped his face with my palm and brushed his cheek with my thumb repeatedly for comfort. "It's not your duty to be my bulldog, no matter what Jenna says. And no matter how much I love the protective jealous side of you, it doesn't alter the fact that I'm okay! I really really am, which I haven't been for as long as I can remember. I'm safe with you here, and he's never going to hurt me again."

He let a tear slip again. "I don't want to lose you," he cried. 

I kissed him gently. 

"You won't. I love you. I promise you, I'm not going anywhere." 

He smiled and pulled my chest to his. The tears dissolved into thin air and I let the moment take over, as it always did, falling asleep in his arms being my new favorite pastime.