Lost girl (sasharcy)

Chapter 18

The morning after I came home, I had a nurse already. She was washing my hair. 

There was something about her, she was kind. She was sweet and gentle. The words she used, they really touched me. She really helped me a lot. Her name was Maria Garcia. But I called her Maria.

"You have such beautiful hair," she said.

"I think I'll grow it long," I said.

She gave me a sponge bath.

 I closed my eyes and sat still for her.

When she left the room, I broke down and sobbed. I had never been this sad. I have never been this sad. I have never been this sad.

My heart hurt even more than my legs.

I know the nurse heard me. She had the decency to let me cry alone. I stared out the window most of the day. I practiced pushing myself on the wheelchair through the house. Maria kept rearranging things to make it easier.  

We smiled at each other a lot.

"You can watch television," she said.

"No," I said. "I have a book."

"Do you like it?"

"Yeah. It's kind of hard. Not the words. But what it's trying to tell you."

We looked at each other. We didn't really smile. But we were smiling at each other on the inside. 

My aunt came over for dinner. My cousins signed my cast. I saved a space for Sasha to sign it. I think I smiled a lot and everyone was talking and laughing and it all seemed so normal. And I was glad for dad because I think it was me who was making the house sad. 

When my aunt left, I asked my dad if we could sit on the front porch.

I sat on turbo. My dad sat on his outdoor rocking chair.

We drank coffee.

It was just the two of us. After the accident I never really knew what happened to her. I wanted to ask but I knew it would ruin the moment. 

Four days later:

It was a rainy Saturday afternoon, the  clouds wouldgather like a flock of crows, and it would rain. I fell in love with thethunder. I finished reading the Grapes of Wrath. Then I finishedreading War and Peace. I decided I wanted to read all the books byErnest Hemingway. My father decided he would read everything thatI read. Maybe that was our way of talking.

Sasha came over everyday.

Mostly Sasha would talk and I would listen. She decided that sheshould read The Sun Also Rises to me aloud. I was surprised when she said that. I never thought she would read a book. I wasn't going to arguewith her. I was never going to out-stubborn Sasha Waybright. Soevery day she would read a chapter of the book. And then we wouldtalk about it.

"It's a sad book," I said. 

"Yeah. That's why you like it." 

"Yeah," I said. "That's exactly right."

She never said to me anything about what she thought of my sketches. Iwas glad about that. I didn't want to know her opinion and I didn't want to talk. But at the same time I think I feel sad about it. I had given her apiece of myself that I had never given to another human being. And she didn't bother to say anything. Why was I feeling like that?

One day she blurted out that she'd finally gone to see a counselor.I was hoping she wouldn't tell me anything about her counselingsession. She didn't. I was glad about that. And then I was sort of mad she didn't. Okay, so I was moody. And inconsistent. Yeah, that's what Iwas. 

Sasha kept looking at me. 

"What?"

 "Are you going to go?"

 "Where?"

 "To see a counselor, you idiot."

 "No." 

"No?"

I looked at my legs.

 I could see she wanted to say "I'm sorry" again. But she didn't. It was like when I felt guilty for what I did.

"It helped," she said. "Going to the counselor. It wasn't so bad. Itreally did help."

"Are you going back?" 

"Maybe."

 I nodded. "Talking doesn't help everybody."

 Sasha smiled. "Not that you'd know." 

I smiled back. "Yeah. Not that I'd know."

Later that day I talked to Willow again. She was going to travel with a big time. I was happy for her. She then said that I would go back for my internship by the start of next year. It was like things would be back to normal in no time. 

Author's Note:

Sorry the chapter was too short. Didn't have enough time and inspiration.