One Day At A Time | sansang

14. reality or-

⚠️ some triggering descriptions ⚠️

San's eyes fluttered open.

He was still laying in bed, but it wasn't a hospital bed, it was a bed in someone's home.

"Daddy, what should we make for appa? Cookies? He likes cookies," he heard Rina's voice, but she wasn't in the bedroom, who was she talking to?

He got off the bed in one swift motion and stepped into the kitchen. There, was Yeosang, carrying Rina as they danced around getting the ingredients.

"Don't touch her," he said firmly.

The two turned to face San.

"San-ah, is everything okay?"

"I kissed you. Are you not gonna say anything about that?"

Yeosang looked at him in confusion, "what...are you talking about?"

"And don't. Call. Him. Daddy!" he snapped, eyes fixed on his daughter, who was on the verge of crying.

"San don't start this again. Rina is mine too."

"NO. SHE'S MINE!"

_________________________________________

"San-ssi. San-ssi? Can you hear me? Wake up, it's just a nightmare,"someone was leaning over him, hands lightly tapping the sides of his arms.

He jostled awake, panting heavily and flinching when he noticed a stranger staring back at him.

"I'm Dr Kim. Your psychologist."

It was the shrink. San didn't need a shrink. He needed to go home.

"I won't talk to you," he mumbled, folding his arms and turning his head the other direction.

"San-ssi, I know this is scary and hard to take in, but the symptoms you experienced earlier are very severe. I'm here to listen to you and give you advice. I've been a psychologist for 16 years, and met people with all sorts of problems. I can't solve them for you, but I can help make them easier to overcome."

Listen...Yeosang was a good listener.

San turned to face the shrink, looking him up and down before saying: "it's anxiety. Everything is so chaotic here, I worry everyday. I have a daughter, her mom is gone, I'm scared to death of that night..." He slowly trailed off.

"Your daughter, Rina? She's beautiful, has your eyes."

San nodded, unfolding his arms to lay them on his sides.

"She mentioned that night, when I talked to her-"

"DON'T YOU DARE TALK TO HER ABOUT THAT. SHE DOESN'T NEED TO KNOW WHAT HAPPENED!" He yelled, clearly agitated.

"Okay, I won't. I apologise," the shrink said in a softer tone.

It took him a looong time to get San to open up. But he eventually did.

That night, the night his ex wife was found in the lake near their home. She had drowned. There were flocks of people rushing to see her, despite it being 12am. Then, the ambulance arrived. The paramedics loaded the body into the vehicle, and San sat in the front seat. That's when the sirens went off. It was deafening, frightening and sounded like a sound of distress. It made his heart fly out of his chest due to how scared he was. His mind was racing as the ambulance sped to the hospital. How did she drown? Why did she drown? What was she doing at the lake at 12am? What was he going to tell Rina?

After weeks of investigation, it was discovered that she'd drowned herself on purpose.

San didn't understand, but the evidence was there, a note she left next to her shoes by the lake.

Immense amount of guilt panged him in the chest when they told him she'd been suffering from depression. He didn't know, how could he not have known, why did someone he didn't know tell him something he should've known?

He collapsed shortly after.